(Closed) No romance in the marraige, am I overreacting?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

That’s a cop-out.  Spending .99 cents on a card is not a waste of money if that card will make you happy.  He’s trying to justify being an insensitve jerk.   You are in no way being unreasonable.

Post # 4
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m with Lezlers. That’s ridiculous :(.

Post # 5
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Have you tried to tell him exactly what you wrote? Just tell him its not about the card or the money its the effort and your upset he couldn’t even grab a sticky note from work with I love you and give it to you.  I think helping him out with some examples will help him.  Otherwise he may think you are upset about a card. 
also does he show he cares in other ways? 

Post # 6
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Want to give me his email so I can just give him some hints?  I’m sorry that you’re feeling let down, but I think you should let him know how you feel…the chance of him making it up to you or doing something different down the road is slim to none if he doesn’t know that you’re really upset.  *hugs*

Post # 7
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

There are plenty of things he could have done to make you feel special and that would have cost nothing.

I am not a big fan of Valentine’s day because I feel like I show my husband how special he is to me every day, not on a commercially specified day. And he does the same for me.

But, a simple card is a nice gesture, or if he doesn’t want to spend money, he could cook, or make you a bath and bring wine, or watch a cheesy movie, sent you a nice email card, etc. Especially that you made it clear to him that it would have been important to you.

You are not being unreasonable, and I would have a talk with him to let him know that your feelings are hurt; and that it may not be a big deal to him, but that since it is for you, you would like to see him put some thought in it…

Post # 8
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

if you haven’t told him already, i think you should say exactly what you wrote here. it’s completely reasonable to feel hurt when he ignores what you’ve said and your feelings.

Post # 9
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t know.  Maybe.  Only because you admit you know your husband is like this.  You probably knew it before you married him, and you know it now.  I guess I’m not sure what you were expecting since he does not do anything out of the ordinary to show you that you’re special… However, I can understand since you specially requested how you would be hurt.  Surprised… no.  But hurt, yes. 

I guess I am curious as to why now this bothers you about him?  Has he done this to you before?

Post # 10
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Actually….. I would never buy my Fiance a card. To me they are a waste of money because no matter who gives me one, i prob wont keep it. However, if u are the type of person who will keep a card forever, then how rude of him to not spend 99 cents on one. I dont do cards, but i have saved every note from Fiance, all the way back to our junior year in HS. The fact that he cant take the time to do ANYTHING is rude.

Post # 11
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I just want to tell you that I feel your pain. I had a terrible night last night because my Fiance didn’t do a card or anything either. (I got him a card and chocolates). His excuse was that he had set aside time to spend with me and go out to dinner and a movie. Which is great, but of course I had to make the reservations and research showtimes… I don’t doubt his love for me and there are many things about him that are wonderful, but I just don’t get this level of laziness. Valentine’s Day is the easiest thing in the world for guys – just pick up something silly and pink. Ugh. Anyway, I feel you.

Post # 12
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think that sucks!

My husband isn’t the most romantic person in the world either. I straight up tell him often that I like receiving flowers. I want flowers. Get me some flowers sometime, dude!

He never gets me any flowers. But like others have said here, I knew this going into the relationship. So it’s something I accept and try not to get too bummed out about it. He speaks a different "love language" than me.

He shows me when he says things like "I put another $2k in our house fund!"

So I try to remember that he just has a different way of showing it.

Does your husband show you in different ways?

Post # 14
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@chocolatechunk: Yeah, that makes sense.  I’m sorry 🙁 Guys just really don’t get it sometimes.

Post # 15
54 posts
Worker bee

You need to read the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  Men and women tend to express their love differently.  You should sit down with him and tell him you are not happy.  That HE isn’t making you happy.  Then read this book together.  Figure out what each of your love languages are.  Miss Elephant blogged about this book and I am telling you that it changed our lives (Fi and me!) 

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