Post # 1
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
So, I have 5 younger sisters and I want them all to be in my future bridal party. That being said, there doesn’t leave much reasonable room for my friends. There are 6-7 girlfriends that I have in mind. I know that people have large bridal parties all the time, but thinking about the logistics and the fact that that would be 12 people on my side, I just don’t love the idea. It also means more of the budget being allocated to hair and make-up- and I, of course, want to get everyone a thank you gift. Upping the bridesmaids means upping the groomsmen as well which means eating up another $1,500 of the budget easily.
What makes me sad about the thought of not having my best girls as my bridesmaids is not having them there to get ready with me on my special day. I also forsee not being able to spend a great deal of time with them individually and I’ve always dreamed of making those memories with these people. I know that sounds silly, but that’s what sticks out to me when thinking about this decision. Additonally, if I don’t have friends in the bridal party, is it unfair to ask them to participate in a bachelorette? I am very aware of the costs associated with them and would never ask anyone to spend exorbitant amounts of money to travel, etc.
Would love to get some outside perspectives!
Post # 2
Member
3571 posts
Sugar bee
Why can’t they be invited to your hen if they are not bridesmaids?
Id stick to just your sisters. They will understand family only bridal party.
You can then ask them to support in other ways / have other roles. They could be witnesses or do readings in the ceremonies, act as MC during the reception etc. These are all honour roles that don’t require much if any work or for you to get them an outfit.
Post # 3
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
My SIL just had family members in her bridal party, but then asked her close friends (so your 6-7 friends) to all dress in a bright red (which was the color of the bridesmaids dresses). Her friends weren’t required to do this, but it allowed my SIL to honor her friends that she was unable to have standing up in her bridal party.
Post # 4
Member
7853 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I would keep your sisters as bridesmaids, but include your friends in a bachelorette. Why is it going to cost them so much? If you’re worried about costs, just do something local.
Post # 5
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
jellybellynelly : I wasn’t saying it
will cost them a lot, but I know in my experience with bachelorettes, it is typically not cheap and I don’t want anyone to feel like, Oh, well she is making us pay to go on a bachelorette, but we’re not even “officially” bridesmaids. I guess now that I think of it, a good friend of mine didn’t have anyone except her sister and we still all participated in things leading up to the day/two of us were in her bridal suite day of. I didn’t harbor any feelings and was honestly sort of relieved as being a bridesmaid is sometimes a lot.
Post # 6
Member
47383 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I have five sisters too. I didn’t ask any of them to be a bridesmaid because I would have had to ask them all. I asked my closest friends. My sisters were happy to be able to wear whaever they wanted to the wedding and not having to devote a good part of their day to getting ready and wedding party pics.
Post # 7
Member
2155 posts
Buzzing bee
Your bachelorette party does not need to require your guests, bridesmaids or not, to travel or spend an exorbitant amount of money. I had my cousins as bridesmaids and did not include any friends because I did not want a large bridal party. My friends still participated in my bachelorette. Some stayed in a hotel in the city, others just came in for the day. It was about an hour from where all friends live and no exorbitant costs involved. I’d temper your expecations about a destination bachelorette regardless of whether your friends are involved or not.
Post # 8
Member
3317 posts
Sugar bee
I agree that 12 is just way too damn many.
I’d go with either all sisters or all friends, no combination.
But if you do choose to include friends, I’d reeeally think about who you are *actually* that close with. I don’t know how old you are, but women in their earlier 20s tend to think they have a big group of besties, because maybe you all hang out all the time and talk about all sorts of stuff, but the reality is that out of those 10 girls you think are all your “besties”, by the time you’re 30 you normally are only all that tight with a couple of them. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just normal. It’s just not realistic to sustain meaningful friendships with that many people.
I can’t tell you how many of my friends and family members who got married under the age of 25 no longer hang out with half their bridesmaids. Some of them had falling outs, but most of them drifted apart. One of my cousins had a falling out with one of her bridesmaids like a month after her wedding before they’d even gotten photos back!
The more people you involve, the more likely you’ll find that there will be issues with some of them, whether between you and them or between each other.
Regardless of what you choose, there is no reason why you can’t have the other women at your bachelorette party. I’ve been to several bach’s that I wasn’t in the bridal party for. I’m pretty sure that’s the norm.
And as for getting ready the morning of, there is no rule to say that only the bridal party can be in the room with you. If you wanna make a girls morning of it, do it!
Post # 9
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
littleanchor : I said I didn’t want it to be expensive- it’s not really relevant right now, but I plan on doing something low key for that, not a big destination.
Post # 10
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
sboom : I’m in my late twenties, even closer to 30 by the time of the wedding. I am definitely aware of The Who your friends really are situation, so I agree with that. Outside of the friends I would have in a bridal party, there are about 4 other people I plan on inviting totalling around 10 friends. I don’t have a large circle by any means.
To tour point, I was in a “friends” wedding when I was 22 and now we don’t speak/ I don’t consider her a friend. Several other people who I attended their wedding will not be invited to mine as we also have lost touch. I can see how planning a wedding would be a great realization of who you have and want in your life,
Thanks for the insight about bachelorette and day of- those are great points that will definitely influence my decision.
julies1949 : My sisters are truly my best friends, so it’s an easy choice to have them as bridesmaids. I think my friends will understand like your sisters did in your situation.
Post # 11
Member
1904 posts
Buzzing bee
catqueen92 : Exactly as
sboom : stated, perfectly stated.
Post # 12
Member
1787 posts
Buzzing bee
Just be honest with your friends and keep it to your sisters. But invite the girls to your bachelorette and maybe even a mani/pedi right before the wedding.
Post # 13
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
catqueen92 : I had 11 bridesmaids. Everyone said I was ridiculous. But I couldn’t imagine my wedding day without all of them by my side. Was it ridiculous? Yep. Was it worth it? Every minute, every stress, every ping of anxiety, every extra dollar. It was all worth it. Given the opportunity to do it again, I wouldn’t change a thing, except telling them to find a floor length dress in the teal family, but that has nothing to do with the enormous wedding party. Also, we were looking at having 4 groomsmen to my 11 bridesmaid, and I was just fine with that. We ended up with 8 groomsmen, but it wouldn’t have mattered either way.
Post # 14
Member
3317 posts
Sugar bee
catqueen92 : I think in your situation I would probably stick with the sisters-only then. Your friends will totally understand! Maybe morning of you can invite the friends to join you and your sisters for a couple hours before the ceremony for brunch and photos? I would probably try not to overdo how much to involve them in the getting ready routine though. Maybe you and your sisters get ready early, then you have the other girls join you in the bridal suite for pastries, fruit and mimosas and take a few fun photos before all heading out to the wedding 🙂
Post # 15
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
sboom : I love this idea!! That actually soundes very sweet and special. I think that is a great compromise. Thanks so much!