Post # 1
I’m struggling to decide if it’s okay to just send people invitations without sending them a save the date. There are a handful of people my fiance and I are “on the fence about” (a B list if you will) and I can’t decide if it’s rude to just send them an invitation without sending a save the date?
Thoughts? Thank you for your advice!
Post # 2
Sending save the dates are ok for just people who are VIP or coming from out of town. It’s completely fine to not send them to everyone. It’s not B-listing to send an invite to those who don’t get a save the date. B-listing is inviting others if space opens up which is completely rude. So what you’re doing is fine.
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm
I say yes. I always just blame the postal system. If anyone mentions not getting a StD I would pretend that it got lost. I know. Terrible. But well…. Oh well.
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull
It wasn’t until I got engaged that I even knew what a Save the Date was. I’ve never received one, only ever an invitation.
I think they’re a nice courtsy, but not expected, so no I don’t think it’s an issue 🙂
Post # 5
Agreed! Blame the postal system – my go-to answer. “Oh it must have gotten lost!”
Post # 6
there’s nothing wrong with not sending a std, don’t lie about it though, that just makes it wrong.
Post # 7
I’m not really sure why so many Bees find it completely acceptable to lie about anything (I thought we were all grown ups).
Please don’t lie to your guests. No one will bat an eye of they don’t receive a StD. StDs are extremely uncommon where I’m from and they aren’t completely necessary for gusts who live within a reasonable distance of your venue.
Post # 8
We found our StD’s were just an additional, unnecessary expense.
They sure look beautiful, but we decided spend more effort on our wedding invitations and send them out earlier than the standard, especially keeping in mind those who had to travel a distance.
Not one person has said anything about StD’s and our guests are more preoccupied with our invitations which luckily turned out to be absolutely gorgeous 🙂
Post # 9
I wouldn’t worry about it unless it is family that would know about/see other family’s save the dates. That might be kind of awkward…..
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
STDs are 100% optional. I wouldn’t have bothered sending mine but I got them for $20 so I figured, why not.
You don’t have to send them to everyone. Only people you think might need more time to make arrangements “need” them.
Post # 11
Sending an invite without a save the date (I just can’t bring myself to abbreviate that one!) is fine, unless
it’s for a person/couple/family that are close to other wedding guests that will be receiving save the dates. If so, there’s a high chance they could find out they were the only ones not to get a save the date and even if they do get an invite to the actual wedding, they’ll probably know what’s going on.
Save the dates are great for if you have guests travelling a long way for your wedding, if it’s during a particularly busy time of year, or if you don’t plan on sending your invites out until quite close to the date. If you’re not in any of those situations, you might find it easiest to just not send them and let your friends know you’ve picked a date by word of mouth. We send a save the date by email to our international friends, and all of our family, but that was it. Part of the reason was that there were a few people we couldn’t decide about either, and didn’t want to commit too soon.
I get that planning a wedding is super hard and expensive at times, but I’m not a big fan of the whole B-list system (as in sending a second round of invites based on RSVPs). As an adult, I understand about restrictions and difficult choices but as a friend, I don’t want to know that I’m on the fringe of being important enough to attend your wedding because that just kind of sucks. If you’re going to do the full B-list thing, I think it’s very important to make sure there’s very very little chance of anyone working out they may have been on the back-up list.
Good luck with your planning! 🙂
Post # 12
We are sending out Save the Dates to anyone out of state and everyone involved in the ceremony. It saves on postage and stationary expense for us and saves our friends and family from feeling like they’re getting too much wedding related stuff from us. Everyone else that’s invited we have verbally confirmed our booked date to. And we’re having a Friday wedding, but I still feel that invites three months before will be okay.
Post # 13
I have a small group of people to whom I did not send Save-the-Dates. They were primarily the people my parents asked us to invite, with the “understanding” that they won’t come. They’re mostly older and distant relatives.
Post # 14
I didn’t send Save the Dates at all. You’re fine.
Post # 15
I didn’t send save the dates to anyone.