No sex before marriage but living together

posted 1 year ago in Intimacy
Post # 16
953 posts
Busy bee

dallasgirl2k16 :  it’s for you to decide what’s best and whether him re-encountering God would lead him to have a permanent change of attitude towards you.. sometimes, people can and do change. In case you decide to give you relationship a chance, make sure those changes are secure before you upgrade to another stage of relationship. Have you both talked about marriage at this stage of your relationship?

My SO said how can a man claims he loves a woman if he doesn’t respect her. He’s more than happy to wait together with me till we are married, right from the start. I know he desires me yet he agreed to wait… So if your boyfriend’s changed attitude towards sex causes you to feel less desired etc is a red flag. 

Post # 17
1531 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Sorry, this sounds like an elaborate mind fuck and you are a captive audience.  Bee based on your previos thread this man treated you like a “slave”, completely disregarded your feelings and doesn’t appear to respect you as a person.  Now all the sudden he’s “found Jesus” or whatever, picks and chooses which biblical rules he’s going to follow and none of this sounds fishy to you?  Have you notice how the only one negatively affected is you?

Dear bee get thee to therapy.  Obviously you won’t leave him based on our words….maybe a therapist can help you see the light.

Post # 18
3347 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

It seems odd to me that his newly renewed interest in religion isn’t making him want to be married. Cohabitation is frown on in most religions. 

Post # 19
260 posts
Helper bee

j_jaye :  Not to hijack the thread, but if by “the church” you mean the Catholic church, it actually defines “cohabitation” as sexually active people who live together. So while living together without sex is culturally frowned upon, it’s not actually breaking any rule.

Protestantism varies so widely that I don’t believe there’s an actual rule on living together. Most people assume that living together = sex, which is why it’s frowned upon. But that’s not automatically the case.

My SO and I live together and have separate bedrooms.

Post # 20
3772 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Umm. This guy is NOT a Christian. Or a good guy. If you really want to get back to your faith, dump this asshole and find someone who has a healthy relationship with himself and his chosen diety and move slowly from there. 

Post # 21
9664 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

If he’s not getting it from you he’s getting it from somewhere. Given his track history of general dickishness, of course. 

Post # 22
2844 posts
Sugar bee

Ok so he’s divorced, has already been sleeping with you for multiple years, is living with you, but SUDDENLY won’t have premarital sex? Are you two even seriously talking about marriage right now? Removing sex from the equation is meant to focus the couple on building a spiritual partnership first. But you’ve already been having sex for two years and it doesn’t sound like he’s working on the partnership in any other way, shape or form. 

This sounds a lot more like witholding sex to manipulate you, especially considering his history of punishing you to control you. 

Post # 23
439 posts
Helper bee

It sounds like hes using no sex as a mechanism for control. I read your previous post. Ew, he sounds like a total asshole. You deserve better. I hope you get out of this relationship. 

Post # 24
162 posts
Blushing bee

If he is planning on living by the book then shoudn’t he move out? His reasons sound off.

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