(Closed) No sex before the wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
1621 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you’ve already been having sex (which it sounds like you have), then I don’t really see the point, to be honest.  That’s just me.  Why don’t you ask him why he’s suggesting it?

Personally, in my relationship sex isn’t everything but it is important.  It helps us feel closer and more connected.  Hubbs definitely gets a little grumpier if we haven’t had sex in a while, which totally made me understand the whole “love languages” thing….in the sense that he connects with his most loving feelings through sex.  For us, going 4 months without being intitmate (penetration or not) would not be beneficial for our relationship.

I think you should discuss this with him and see where he’s coming from, and share your thoughts too.  

Post # 5
1123 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think it’s a good idea and my fiance and I are doing the same thing. Ours is for spiritual reasons but none the less we both see the benefits of waiting.

We were active in the beginning but just because we did it before doesn’t mean we’re “ruined goods” or anything and that we shouldn;t stop. And witholding can build your emotional relationship and bring the sexual part back to the way it was in the very beginning.

My Fiance and I used to be VERY sexually active in the beginning of the relationship. Way more than the usual. But after years and work and all it got to be about every other day until we stopped. And we both know and look forward to it being back to an all the time thing. It will build our relationship on a more deep level and will help bring the deepness of sex when we do it again instead of it being a routine thing.

4 months is nothing when you plan to spend the rest of your life together.

Post # 6
6221 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Yeah, I don’t really see the point either. It will probably be more frustrating than anything

Post # 7
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

4 months is nothing 🙂 My Fiance and I have been “waiting” for 17 months. When we get married it will be 1 month shy of 2 full years! lol 

I am of the frame of mind that if you’ve already had sex, stopping is not going to change anything. Perhaps my attitude has prevented me from appreciating the spiritualness of it (which is FI’s reasons for wanting to wait). But the count-down is on and I so, so cannot wait!

Sex is incredibly important, and I made this sacrifice for my Fiance so he better make it up to me! lol

Post # 8
4035 posts
Honey bee

Like a few other PPs, I honestly do not understand abstaining for 4 months if you have already been having sex. If you are ok with it, then I go for it, but if you are not, then I would suggest having another conversation. It should be a joint decision, IMO.

Post # 9
18 posts
  • Wedding: January 2017

I could see it being fun like… a month before. You know, to get the both of you really looking forward to the wedding night! Sort of part of the build up to the wedding.

But 4 months seems a bit extreme, haha. You’re only human!

Post # 10
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Our person who married us suggested it. We didn’t do “it” for the 6 months before the wedding, and IMO it didn’t change our relationship for the better or worse. The whole thing seemed silly to me.

Post # 11
4047 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I don’t see the point nor how it can strengthen the relationship assuming your sex lives are healthy and normal and your relationship is already healthy.

Post # 12
1112 posts
Bumble bee

We are both virgins but we want to try a similar thing…no intense makeout sessions or (sorry if TMI) masturbation for either of us. I really think the “hold out” will make the honeymoon extra special. I see where your Fiance is coming from, because I was the instigator in my relationship. It’s ultimately up to you guys.

Post # 13
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would ask what made you think this is a good idea? My Fiance and I decided that we would not have sex until we get married. I have been celibate for 5 years now and he has been celibate for 4 years we have been together since Feb 2012 we are getting married 9/13.

Post # 14
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

i dont think its pointless. abstaining can make it incredibly hot when you do do it (esp if you dont touch yourself in the meantime) i wouldnt do it for that long though

Post # 15
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@thisorderistall:  I like this idea. Remember before you lived together and had regular sex how much you would like forward to getting together and how desperate you were to rip each other’s clothes off? He probably wants to have a go at bringing that back!

It will certainly make the wedding night and/or honeymoon more exciting!

Plus it’s only 4+ months. AND you can now have intense makeout sessions without just skipping right to the “good stuff”. 


I think it’s romantic and so sweet that he’s thinking about how to make your wedding more special.


Post # 16
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I jokingly mentioned this to my hubby before we got married and he looked at me like I had three heads. Needless to say he was not on board.

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