Post # 1
i’ve never had a huge sex drive. unless it’s right before my period, i rarely ever have a sex drive to begin with. however, my fiance is constantly horny. and i turn him down, a lot. sometimes, i just cave and lay there, faking everything.
in the beginning of our engagement, we went at it like bunnies. at least once a day, sometimes more. and now, i think he almost expects that.
it’s not that i don’t want him or find him attractive. i do. i just don’t want sex. like, ever. and i don’t know what to do about it. i’m not taking any different medications, there’s no pain or anything. i just don’t want it. sometimes, i don’t even want him to touch me. and that causes fights.
Post # 3
@beenonymous765: look up l-arginine. it’s an herbal supplement used to help with this sort of thing!
Post # 4
Talk to your OBGYN about this. It could be something hormonal. Are you on medication? Some medications (Especially the birth control pill) can affect your libido.
I had zero sex drive until I got on the pill. Now I’m insatiable.
There are a thousand reasons why you may have little to no libido. It could be something easily fixed! I’d just talk to a doc about it and see what they think.
Post # 5
@emileekay: Interesting. I googled it and it seems to be just a synthetic amino acid. It seems to have originally been produced to encourage the body to produce more of this amino acid to help people recover from burns. It states use for erectile dysfunction as a medical use, but no mention for the female equivilant, but it also says you can boost your own amino acids of the same type by increasing your intake of animal and plant products:
Animal sources: dairy products (e.g., cottage cheese, ricotta, milk, yogurt, whey protein drinks), beef, pork (e.g., bacon, ham), gelatin , poultry (e.g. chicken and turkey light meat), wild game (e.g. pheasant, quail), seafood (e.g., halibut, lobster, salmon, shrimp, snails, tuna)
Plant sources: wheat germ and flour, buckwheat, granola, oatmeal, peanuts, nuts (coconut, pecans, cashews, walnuts, almonds, Brazil nuts, hazelnuts, pinenuts), seeds (pumpkin, sesame, sunflower), chick peas, cooked soybeans, Phalaris canariensis (canaryseed or ALPISTE)
Here’s the wikipedia if anyone else is interested about this.
Post # 6
@beenonymous765: Is it in your head or physically it doesn’t feel all that great?
Post # 7
@Hyperventilate: yupp, i’ve read that aswell! i had to do more research to get better answers… some of the things i found were:
“These libido enhancers use L-Arginine, a natural amino acid which works to increase clitoral blood flow and sensitivity. This promotes sexual arousal in women and her ability to orgasm.
L-arginine cream instantly works to increase clitoral blood flow and is applied right before sex. Within a minute you will feel a tingly sensation and be highly aroused. As clitoral blood flow increase so does your ability to orgasm.”
my doctor put me on the pill version when i was struggling with the same thing; and it works. a little too well sometimes 😉
Post # 8
This made me feel like shit but I asked a doctor I went to, and he said he wasn’t worried…that there are many women my age (24) that are going through the same thing because we are a stressful society nowdays where we work long hours come home cook and want to go to sleep.
I’m like wtf? So you’re telling me at 24 its over??? I told him his answer was BS, and that I wanted my BC switched. Switching really helped. Sometimes it can be as simple as that.
Post # 9
thanks for all the responses and advice.
@emileekay: i’ll look it up. thanks!
@Honeyblood: i think it’s both? it takes a LOT for me to get off. and he tries so hard, and half the time, i just give up and fake it. plus, i’ve never particularly enjoyed sex. there’s some past things (way before him) that contribute to the non-enjoying thing. i just don’t know what to do. i’ve told him all of this, and he’s so good about it. but lately, he’s getting frustrated and we’ve been arguing about it more.
i’m insurance-less, so i don’t have a doctor. and i’m not on any medication at all, not even bc. so i don’t know what it is.
Post # 10
I can’t believe I am posting this.. but I am the same way.. and you know what is worse.. sometimes I will think I am in the mood and then we start kissing/messing around and I am just like “blah.. i don’t want to do this” Poor Fiance. To make matters worse.. the only time I am in the mood is when I am on my period and my Fiance thinks that is gross (which it kinda is haha). I have heard that women become more aroused in the late 20’s and 30’s than they are in there early 20’s.. (I am 23). I hope this is true.
Post # 11
If there are past issues therapy would probably be helpful….Or at least trying to look into ways to overcome the past issues…I have dealt with issues that were affecting the present and it took A LOT of work to get through.
&@Brooklyn55: it is true! Women’s sexual peak is later than men’s…!
Post # 12
@beenonymous765: Oh dear, that’s tough. Have you considered therapy for “the past”? I really think it will help, and in all honesty, I think most people could benefit from seein a good counsellor!
You might find the physical side is more linked to what’s in your head than you think.
Post # 13
@beenonymous765: I went through something similar with a former boyfriend. I had my pill changed so many times, thinking it was all me. But the whole reason I was on the pill (since 16 years of age) was because of really bad period pain. Each pill I tried seemed to be a bit worse than the last, pain wise. I should have known the problem wasn’t me, it was him and his expectations, and pressuring me constantly. he would always ask when we were going to have sex, and it wasnt like it was a rare occurence – it was about 2-3 times a week (and i saw him 5-6 times a week) When I finally broke up with him, my libido returned with a vengeance.
I had the implant for 3 years and went back to the pill, which made me insanely depressed – bordering on suicidal. And while I had been depressed before, I had never felt that low before. I had the Mirena inserted, and have felt like ‘me’ ever since – unaffected by hormones running rampant through my whole system.
Point is, hormones – too much of / lack thereof / unsuitability for you, can be a cause of a lot of issues like this. In my case, I was unhappy in my relationship which I kidded myself about – not to say this is what’s happening in your case at all though. Stress in a relationship, or just life in general, can cause your libido to plummet. As can depression.
I just read your latest post, and therapy would be a good idea to get past any past issues. These issues can creep up and affect you now – which sounds like what might be happening. A therapist can help you through the issues and deal with them in a way that will benefit you in the long run.
Also, focusing on the ‘end result’ will just take the focus away from sharing that intimacy and closeness with your Fiance – try and be in the moment, don’t think about the end.
@Brooklyn55 – I have just hit 30 and I can say that this has been true in my case…!
Post # 14
@Brooklyn55: I’m 35. And nope it hasn’t happened. I thank you for posting openly….I go through THE SAME thing! Fiance & I talk a lot & keep things open. Sometimes tears are involved. 😛 Thank goodness he’s patient.
I am sooooo glad someone posted this topic. I LOVE my Fiance. Adore him. I stare at him sometimes & wonder how I got such a hot, sweet man. I think about him when we are apart. I want him. But then sometimes…its sigh…nope.
We had great sex until I moved in. It got a little better then we got engaged. But I know I am into him. It’s the weirdest thing!! I do feel a lot of the time it’s emotional. This is an emotional time. Lots of dumb drama from others. And then just getting married… I’m about to be someone’s wife! I am excited but that’s some responsibility. I tend to freeze when I’m stressed & I feel this might be it, too, & I haven’t quite “defrosted”.
We have opted to see a therapist to nip anything in the bud & learn how to work together in these situations. That of course made me feel even closer to him. 😉
Post # 15
as for therapy- been there, done that. i spent a good 10 years in therapy due to a lot of things. i’m still working through some of them, too. so i think that’s part of the problem. even though he knows what happened, i’ve told him. it’s just hard.
i’m going to take everyone’s advice. thank you so much for listening and giving advice and suggestions. i really do appreciate it. i think we may find a therapist and see if that helps us as well.