(Closed) no sex drive and it's effecting things

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 17
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I have the same problem and I’m only 21.. I don’t take any medication. Not even bc! So I’m curious as to what all is replied for you! Hopefully we can find a “cure” lol

Post # 18
2093 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@beenonymous765:  Did you read my response? My emotions can totally take over…Emotion can be a really strong thing.

I am not sure what happened to you but I see you went through a lot of therapy. I have learned people think one round in therapy and its all good to go. It’s a process and I’m sure you know that. Go easy on yourself, ok? Everything will unfold in it’s time.


Just know you aren’t alone. Best of luck to you!

Post # 19
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@emileekay:  @Hyperventilate:  Can I ask you ladies what pill your on? I’m trying to find one that works for me, and I’m not having much luck!

Post # 20
9089 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@BP2Be:  I’m taking Lo’Ovral’s generic, Cryselle. I’ve been on the name brand version too and had the same a-OK reaction. I’ve also taken Ortho-Tri, but I reacted very badly to it so I stopped taking it within a month. I developed bruises the size of plates all over my body.. really freaky stuff.

Post # 21
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@BP2Be:  i’m actually not on birthcontrol!

Post # 23
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You are NOT alone! I am having exactly that problem, but mine is from birth control. I am at my wit’s end and don’t know what to do, so I just fake it. Well, not exactly fake it, because I really love him and everything, but it is a bit of pretending I want it, when I really don’t. Sorry I can’t help but…you’re not alone. 🙁

By the way, for those of you trying to find the right BC for you…I’m on low-ovral, and don’t have problems, but also have nooo sex drive. 🙁

Post # 24
225 posts
Helper bee

@Brooklyn55:  I am EXACTLY the same way. A lot of times I think I will want sex but then in the middle I can’t and we have to stop. :/ I think he’s used to it and I feel bad. The only time I ever want sex is on my period too… the rest of the time he has to ask me because I forget sex even exists. I feel like part of the reason is (though I’ve never really enjoyed sex too much) it’s painful after awhile…

I’m on birth control, but I need it to live normally. I would pass out every period before I got put on it. And I can’t switch either, I’m on the generic Apri which is a single-dose, and they tried switching me to a cyclic one and I was HYSTERICAL crying all the time for no reason. 

Post # 25
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Hey!  So i read some of the above posts, but not all of them bc I’m at work and not much time.  I thought I’d contribute since I am in the same boat. 

I am 28 and Have noooo sex drive.  Never really have.  When we first got together we did it all the time because a) my fiance travelled for work so he’d be gone for 6 weeks and then home for 3, so we’d do it like crazy bc we’d been apart so long., and b) I saw it as validation, like proof that he thought I was sexy and hot and wanted me, and I enjoyed the feeling of being wanted and I was still relatively new to sex and just exploring.


But now.. .pffff I could easily leave it at the door.  Once a month or so would suit me just fine, maybe not even that much!  My Fiance likes to touch my boobs anytime I am changing or have my shirt off and sometimes it drives me CRAZY!  LIke just leave my body alone!!!   I feel guilty, and sometimes when I feel like I am kind of in the mood, once we start I’m usually just eager for it to be over. 


I had my bloodwork done recently and found my testosterone levels are pretty low for a woman my age, so I’m sure that’s having some affect.  I was on BC the first half of our relationship, and now a non-hormonal IUD and neither improved my drive.  I think it’s important just to acknowledge it, accept it as it is for now, and hope that in time it can change.  My therapist (yes, I have one lol) has encouraged me to just try and be in the moment, focus on my body and what I’m feeling and relax.  That over thinking it and EXPECTING to feel nothing is just setting me up for a bad experience.  One day I was feeling particularly anxious and my Fiance just had me close my eyes and slowly ran his hands up and down my arms and my belly so I could focus my thoughts on my body rather than my stresses.  It eventually led to sex and it was great sex – not mind blowing, no orgasm, but still great.  I felt connected and like we’d shared something special rather than just him getting his, u know? 

Anyways, the point is it’s not uncommon, but our bodies are always changing and it can get better, and it’s OK to say no when you aren’t in the mood…

Post # 26
29 posts

Glad to know I’m not alone! Just switched bc hope if helps soon!! My Fiance thinks I’m not attracted to him! Ugh!

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