Post # 1
The title says it all. Let me be clear – there is nothing wrong with DHs performance. This isn’t a failure of pleasure, it’s a failure of interest in pleasure.
I used to like sex, I used to initiate, and I used to masturbate. Now I don’t do any of that. We still have sex about twice a week (average) but I feel distracted and not really that into it.
I’m going to be 34, is this normal? Is there a hormone flux at this age I should know about? I don’t think my BC is causing it. Sure, I am stressed out over work, but that’s not new so I don’t know why it would be a consideration. We do not have children (not planning to for a while longer). So we should be having loads of sex.
Right now I’d be more interested in a gameshow dedicated to competetive lint rolling than I am in having sex.
No I have not told Darling Husband this becasue no matter how you phrase this, it’s a pretty terrible thing to say to someone you love. And no matter how much I insist he’s not the problem, he’s going to feel inadequate.
Post # 2
Have you gained weight recently? My sex drive was low for a bit but losing 10-15 lbs got it right back to normal.
Post # 3
I’m in my mid-twenties and I’m also going through this. I’m completely attracted to my Darling Husband but intimacy is such a chore.
I love cuddles though!
Post # 4
I went through that for awhile. I’m not even sure what it was. I just wasn’t enjoying it much. Things are all better now. I think I did better once I started treating my depression and anxiety.
Post # 5
skylar84 : Stress can take a much bigger toll on sex drive than you may think. I went through a dry spell caused by stress that then caused weight gain, exhaustion etc. We went from having sex every day to NOTHING. Cold turkey for weeks. That could be the issue right there…
Post # 6
skylar84 : I think its pretty normal for our sex drive to ebb and flow.
I was at that point a few months ago I had a lot of stuff going on and I just felt mentally exhausted. I honestly didn’t realise how hectic life was for those 4 months until after everything in my life calmed back down. I found reading some ‘bodice rippers’ before bed put me more in the mood and trying new things in bed helped too. Life has calmed down and I’m back to my pre-slump mood… Thank goodness!!
Rule everything out but I wouldn’t worry too much for now. You could also try going off hormonal BC for a while and use barrier methods in the interim to see if that is what’s causing the slump.
Post # 7
It’s normal. I think this happens to a lot of women, for a number of reasons.
When my husband and I met, my sex drive was through the roof. But then, due to losing 80 lbs, (my hormones were fluctuating and causing issues) and my stress levels raising from a job and the wedding, my sex drive took a dive. I spoke with my husband about it, though. He understood, and respected that I wasn’t feeling it as much. We maintained intimacy, and that really helped. Now, my sex drive is back, and it’s wonderful.
Post # 8
First of all, lol, I’m imagining a competitive lint rolling show.
I know you say that you don’t think it is your BC, but that is definitely a side effect. Maybe that paired with stress is changing your mood? I think sex drive ebbs and flows like most things in life.
Post # 9
mrscsoontobee : I agree. I was on BC (either pill or Mirena) for 12+ years and had times when my drive was normal and others when I really struggled and sometimes had to talk myself into it. After stopping the pill a few months ago, I’m pretty confident that’s what was behind all of it. I am now often the initiator where I would hardly ever before.
Post # 10
- Wedding: January 2021 - Dracut, Massachusetts
Mine has been pretty much crap – when I was younger I was totally fine and I’ve been on multiple different BC pills. Now I take Zoloft and BC and it’s horrible! I’m getting an IUD put in on the 31st.. hopefully that helps me a little because I know it’s a side effect of the Zoloft too, but it’s that or be an anxious and bitchy all the time!
Post # 11
mrscsoontobee : Ok so its not just me, I’m totally wishing for this lint rolling show to happen now..
As a couple (ok mostly me), we definitely go through patches where if Darling Husband didn’t want sex, I’d be happy to oblige. It comes and goes for us.
Post # 12
I agree it could be the BC causing the lack of sex drive. That happened to me with the patch. I stopped it and my sex drive came right back. Something to consider.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
I agree with others that it may be the BC even if you weren’t feeling this way before. Had the same BC for over a decade and my sex drive was pretty high. Like I needed it multiple times a day, every day high. A couple years ago it went from level 10 to maybe 7 or 8. Still fairly high but I take a break from BC every few months or so and there’s definitely a major difference. During the off days I’m either all over Fiance or having some quality me time when the poor man needs a break. 😅
Post # 14
How long have you been feeling this way? Have you had your thyroid checked? If this had been going on awhile and a problem for you, then I’d encourage you to check with your doctor to rule out a medical reason.
Post # 15
O my goodness, I’m so grateful for all of these understanding responces! I will talk to my gyno and see if I can try a different BC hormone or a non hormonal – it’s worth having a conversation.
hikingbride : That is a good point! My weight is pretty consistent, but I’m not exercising regularly. I do think increasing my exercise might help make my sleep/diet more normal, and maybe sex drive would follow? That’s not scientific, but it’s worth a shot.
bluecutie00 : You’re totoally right! Stress and anxiety have been impacting my sleep and my diet (I’ve lost my appetite) so I think these might be bigger factors then I realized. Thank you!