Post # 31
Agree. Today he told the counselor that wants to stay in the marriage. he is just hurt and scared that I will leave him. Not a bad fear to have since I cant deal with him.
Post # 32
so she should be without child for life? I’m sorry but her time is uber previous right now. For some women not having kids is like a death sentence. Myself included. Depends what she needs in life
Post # 33
a baby is a human being,not a possession one must have like it’s the new iPhone X
Post # 34
I do agree with you. No one said a child is like an iPhone lol. But time is precious where fertility is concerned and if OP really wants a child then she has to make some serious decisions soon.
Post # 35
any reasonable person wouldn’t be trying to have a baby without a STEADY source of income ie: a job. Money goes fast and add that to your marriage problems it’s a recipe for disaster for the child. You’re letting your emotions get the best of you instead of thinking rationally.
Post # 36
yeah she should be childless if she can’t afford it and bring it into a healthy situation like a loving home and parents that have jobs. Sorry to break it to you but kids are not material objects and regardless of how much you WANT one, you do not NEED one. That applies for everyone in my opinion.
Post # 37
there are other ways to have children besides relying on your womb. There are plenty of kids who need foster homes or adoptive parents.
it sucks, but nobody has the right to be a parent. Nobody is owed sex by anyone. And even with cushy savings, not having a job is a big deal.
Post # 38
1. Savings only last so long, it’s not a souce of income.
2. You’re trying to bring a baby into a bad relationship and baby never fixes anything, just complicates more. However since your biological clock is ticking, I understand it. There needs to be a definite timeline on this matter with your husband. But you can always adopt too.
3. You need a different therapist. Your therapist should have already tried to talk to your husband about not doing his homework and engage him more. Childhood is important but so is current marriage homework. If he’s not taking it seriously, he needs to be honest or just try someone else.
4. If his behavior changed after he lost his job, it’s more than likely related to his lack of employment (as far as affection goes). Men see job and being able to provide as sign of manliness and manhood. It’s a source of pride for them. He just lost it. It’s not far fetched to think he feels less like a man and going this long without work is definitely a huge source of depression. Combine all that, there goes your desires for sex or physical affection. How can you be affectionate when you don’t like yourself and lost your worth? (Not saying he doesn’t but very often times related to depression and unemployment)
You don’t need to file for divorce right away but definitely have a timeline talk with him about having a child and also maybe help him look for a job if you believe he’s not looking. And look into a different therapist who can engage you both.
Post # 39
I think this is spot on and thank you. There needs to be some meeting of the minds in terms of does he see us making any progress and is he taking this seriously. I think the therapist is making excuses for him. Says forget the homework it is a big enough thing for him to come in and open up. But realistically how long do I stay in this marriage if I am miserable. Totally good points all around.
Post # 40
Having hundreds of thousands of dollars is enough until I find a job.
Post # 41
This is how I feel. And if he isnt looking for a job and I cant talk to him about it things wont change.