No sex or affection with cold (maybe depressed) husband – I want a baby

posted 1 year ago in Married Life
Post # 32
Member
17 posts
Newbee

DoubleD :  so she should be without child for life? I’m sorry but her time is uber previous right now. For some women not having kids is like a death sentence. Myself included. Depends what she needs in life

Post # 33
Member
899 posts
Busy bee

secretgarden :  a baby is a human being,not a possession  one must have like it’s the new iPhone X

Post # 34
Member
4865 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

secretgarden :  I do agree with you. No one said a child is like an iPhone lol. But time is precious where fertility is concerned and if OP really wants a child then she has to make some serious decisions soon.

Post # 35
Member
2477 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

gr8tful4friendships :  any reasonable person wouldn’t be trying to have a baby without a STEADY source of income ie: a job. Money goes fast and add that to your marriage problems it’s  a recipe for disaster for the child. You’re letting your emotions get the best of you instead of thinking rationally. 

Post # 36
Member
2477 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

secretgarden :  yeah she should be childless if she can’t afford it and bring it into a healthy situation like a loving home and parents that have jobs. Sorry to break it to you but kids are not material objects and regardless of how much you WANT one, you do not NEED one. That applies for everyone in my opinion. 

Post # 37
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

secretgarden :  there are other ways to have children besides relying on your womb. There are plenty of kids who need foster homes or adoptive parents.

it sucks, but nobody has the right to be a parent. Nobody is owed sex by anyone. And even with cushy savings, not having a job is a big deal.

Post # 38
Member
318 posts
Helper bee

1. Savings only last so long, it’s not a souce of income.

2. You’re trying to bring a baby into a bad relationship and baby never fixes anything, just complicates more. However since your biological clock is ticking, I understand it. There needs to be a definite timeline on this matter with your husband. But you can always adopt too. 

3. You need a different therapist. Your therapist should have already tried to talk to your husband about not doing his homework and engage him more. Childhood is important but so is current marriage homework. If he’s not taking it seriously, he needs to be honest or just try someone else. 

4. If his behavior changed after he lost his job, it’s more than likely related to his lack of employment (as far as affection goes). Men see job and being able to provide as sign of manliness and manhood. It’s a source of pride for them. He just lost it. It’s not far fetched to think he feels less like a man and going this long without work is definitely a huge source of depression. Combine all that, there goes your desires for sex or physical affection. How can you be affectionate when you don’t like yourself and lost your worth? (Not saying he doesn’t but very often times related to depression and unemployment) 

You don’t need to file for divorce right away but definitely have a timeline talk with him about having a child and also maybe help him look for a job if you believe he’s not looking. And look into a different therapist who can engage you both. 

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