(Closed) No sex… what would you do?

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

there are medications to help men get it up.  i’m sure we’ve all seen the commercials.  have you talked to him about taking that in conjunction with the anti anxiety meds?

Post # 4
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Hmmm, I don’t know.

Post # 5
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

This is actually a common thing with some of these kinds of medications. You are right to suggest that he goes back to his doctor to see about something else.  There are other anxiety medications that he can go on that do not cause as much sexual dysfunction.  I would keep encouraging him to do this. I’m sure he’s just really embarressed about this and doesn’t know how to act about it.  Not saying that his comment towards you was right, but I have a feeling it is probably rooted in his embarrassment over the whole thing.  I would sit him down, explain to him that this is important to you and that you know that this is a medication side effect.  Tell him that you want him to feel well psychologically and sexually and you hope for the two of you that he will go to the doctor and get a change of medication.  Seriously, you don’t have to live like this!

Post # 6
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

if he’s taking the anxiety meds, he needs to talk to the dr about what he can do for the, ahem, disliked sideaffects. 

I’d definitely try to talk him into going to the dr and pointing out, calmly, that you HAVE dressed nicely and it didn’t help and you’re really concerned about his health. 

maybe talking to a professional about what’s going on might help?  or, you could threaten to drag his butt to the dr. if he doesn’t do it on his own because, dang it, you WANT SOME!!!!  Wink 


Post # 7
46594 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I concur with FirefightersWife2Bee ‘s advice but also suggest you address your needs at the same time

 I’m sure that your husband is also missing sex so why not talk with him about trying other things to satisfy the both of you.- mutual masturbation, oral sex etc.

You should not feel at all guilty about masturbating with or without a vibrator. It is different because it lacks the closenss of contact with your loved one but is a perfectly acceptable substitute or addition to your sex life.

Post # 8
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

It may be similar to birth control, in that there are many different kinds and he will just have to work with his doctor to find which kind works the best for him. I would recommend that you somehow encourage him to stay in touch with his doctor and don’t give up until he finds something that works well without sacrificing the intimacy.

You have every right to be upset. I know I would be because if FH and I go a week without “sexy time,” I start wondering why.

Post # 9
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

It’s probably really hard for him as well. He might be feeling inadequate and unmanly while you’re feeling frustrated! It’s a bad situation for both of you.

I think maybe be gentle with his ego and try not to get into the situation where he’s on the defensive (which is possibly why he came out with the ‘you’re not dressing as sexy’ line–it sounds like a deflection). Maybe you could try a different vibrator as well, and ask him to use it on you? Then at least you’re getting some action and intimacy.

But otherwise, seeing a doctor or counsellor would be good.

Post # 10
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Not trying to downplay the medical issues here, but try to be patient with him.  He may have turned you down once when you got dressed up but maybe he was having a bad day.  If he has opened up and let you know thats what he wants then keep trying.  Yes he is going to reject you occassionally, especially if you try more often than he is wanting sex but over some time there should be some “successes”  Maybe try to ask about other ways you can help get him in the mood. 

Post # 11
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

my hubby used to have this issue in the beginning of our relationship. he’s always on all sorts of meds, so it was easy for us to figure out the problem. he ended up going to the doctor and getting meds to help, which worked wonders.

Post # 12
19 posts
  • Wedding: December 2010

I feel for you!

My Darling Husband has low testosterone and has many problems in this department, not only troubles ‘getting it up’ but also low sex drive.

When we first started dating we were in our teens and we could go for it every hour on the hour, but as he got older it started to dwindle to the point where we didnt have sex for like a year? I asked him if it was me, what I could do etc. and he would come out with all kind of things- the house was to messy, I had put on weight, he was tired, he was stressed..

Darling Husband is now on testosterone replacement and things in that department are a lot better, and when we talk about the problems he used to have he tells me he said those things to deflect from himself and his problems.

I hope things improve for you soon!


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