(Closed) No show bridesmaid…

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I hear ya! It’s so frustrating when someone who you clearly think you’re close to doesn’t follow through, or stands you up at an important event. I had a bridesmaid not even turn up to the wedding! Since then, he’s spoken to me occasionally, but hasn’t even bothered apologising about not showing up, or his lack of communication in the weeks preceding the wedding.

I think you should meet up for a face-to-face with Sarah and let her know just how hurt you are by this. I mean, at least she apologised on the day, but maybe let her know that the lack of communication leading up to the shower was an issue too.


Post # 4
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ok, so all the way along I was like, wow that’s so weird. I was totally on your side. And then you dropped in that she is both a student ANd pregnant. Cut her some slack, she’s probably crazy preoccupied and forgetfulness is a real symptom of pregnancy. They call it pregnancy brain! This doesn’t sound at all like a personal slight, just some symptoms of being busy and going through her own major life change. Growing a human is pretty all consuming, I’d imagine.


Post # 6
46465 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@futurepilotswife_:  I would offer her the opportunity to drop out as a bridesmaid if she chooses to. I would make it clear that I still wanted her to be  Bridesmaid or Best Man but would understand if, for any reason, she needed to drop out.



Post # 7
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@futurepilotswife_:  So now she works, is pregnant and in school? Let me ask you a question, how negatively did it impact your day that she didn’t show up? Was it the end of the world?

If the answer to that question is no, then don’t give it a second thought. Her job is to show up at the wedding and wear what you asked her to (and pay for it if you required her to do so). Nothing more, nothing less. If she’s done that or will do that, then she’s fulfilled her responsibility. She’s allowed to have a life even when you’re planning your wedding.

Post # 8
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think she is completely rude. I don’t care how much she has going on and if you should “cut her some slack.” even if she wasn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man, she forgot your shower and that at least deserves a very sincere apology, especially since you now found out she is put of town. I think you are right to beupset with her. I’d ask her, in a nice way, if she needs to drop out due to her hectic schedule. 

Post # 9
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@DJones69:  I agree with this although I understand being a little upset. I would try and get over it and/or speak to her to see if she still wants to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man like a PP said.

Post # 10
1791 posts
Buzzing bee

No matter how busy I am with my work, school, and being in and out of the doctors…I return a damn phone call. Eevn my 90 year old grandmother texts nowadays….so you can get back to someone if you really need to.

I sympathize with her pregnancy and school, missing a shower honestly is no big deal but she should have given your family the common courtesy to RSVP, last minute or not. I hate it when people to not RSVP to parties. HELLO, I need to know how much food to prepare!!!

And I also agree with whichever bee said to give her the option of dropping out if she feels she needs to. Sometimes people feel bad about dropping out, let her know you understand

Post # 11
11 posts
  • Wedding: May 2013

My bridal shower was today too : ) Luckily all of my bridesmaids showed up! However some of them are much better at this than others.  and that’s okay.  I would talk to her and let her know that it’s important that she’s there.  I never really “got it” before I was engaged.  I was in a friend’s wedding a couple years ago and had no clue.. I was probably “that girl” without realizing it.  Some people just get it and others seem not to and it doesn’t always have anything to do with how good of a friend they are.  As silly as it seems, she might just not know how important it is to you that she be involved with all of your wedding stuff.  It’s too late for the shower and I know that’s disappointing but if you let her know how you feel, maybe things will be better going forward.  Good luck!

Post # 12
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@mbrooke85:  So true!!! I notice such a difference between how my married and unmarried friends react to wedding things. Unfortunately, 4/5 of my bridesmaids are single but at least I realize that they just don’t understand. To the OP, you can be upset, but I think you have to suck it up and try to get over it. Just be very clear with her that she needs to be there on your wedding day!!

Post # 13
2427 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@futurepilotswife_:  I’d cut her , nicely. I’d say u seem super busy so I think it’s best your just a guest and not a bridesmaid. I guarantee in a few yrs you won’t even see or talk to her and will regret having her in the bridal party at all. That’s my opinion 

Post # 14
8520 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@DJones69:  I agree and on top of that it was the OP’s second shower and the Bridesmaid or Best Man did show up for the first (albeit only for a short time at the end).

OP you say she dislikes weddings but yet you are acting suprise that she is showing no interest in the extra wedding events.

The not answering calls/text/emails is bad but maybe she feels like you and your other BM’s are contacting her too much with wedding stuff that she isn;t interested in?

If you are friends then talk to her about your friendship and leave the wedding out of it entirely. A wedding is one day and the most important thing to the B&G but a friendship should last a lifetime and be important to both parties.

Post # 15
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I think you were too involved in your own shower, and it just brought you upsetness. Your job is not to keep tabs and score on people. Your job is to smile and enjoy time with everyone who was able to attend. Next time, if you stay out of it, you will never know how involved or un-involved everyone was and whether or not they will be there. Then you can sit back and enjoy bridal bliss via ignorance, enjoying the shower for exactly what it is without knowing who did what and wondering where so and so is.

Post # 16
652 posts
Busy bee

@futurepilotswife_:  wow, that’s goofy that whe would rather hang out with her friends than to go to your shower. I agree, give her a chance to drop out if she wishes, just to cut you some drama in the future. 

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