(Closed) No show wedding guests

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:
    Tell her straight out that she was rude, abandon the friendship : (2 votes)
    5 %
    Say It's ok and secretly steam over it : (19 votes)
    45 %
    Don't respond at all - she will get the message : (14 votes)
    33 %
    Ask for a real apology : (7 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    47211 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Sweetsarahj:  You can tell her it’s not ok, but not without sounding like a bitch. It was rude of her not to communicate if she was unable to come at the last minute, but your message could be perceived as passive aggressive.

    If you want to preserve the friendship answer her in the spirit of that friendship. Otherwise, tell her it’s not ok, demand an apology and forget the friendship.

    Post # 3
    Member
    600 posts
    Busy bee

    Sweetsarahj:  How annoying! I get that life happens and there’s no control over that, but you can control how you deal with the aftermath. I think I’d mention how it makes you feel that she didn’t do all she could to reach out to you afterwards. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    217 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2016

    This is a tough one. I might just say, “you know it really hurt my feelings that you didnt come to my wedding when you said you would. And to top it all off you didnt call, text or even say sorry afterwards. I shouldnt of had to reach out to you. My number was on the invitation so there isnt an excuse as to why you didnt reach out to me.” Kinda sounds mean when I read it back but I would be hurt to. Its not okay that she didnt call or text when she said she would be there.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2871 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    I’m coming from her side on this one. I’m not good at making the first step for issues like that. Call is a social awkwardness. I would have feel EXTREMELY bad texting you on your wedding day, and probably just as weird following the days after. Embarassing on mine (her) side would be a factor too. I think all of your choices are a bit rash, but that’s just me. Maybe meet up for drinks one day, sometimes are better to talk about in person then texting.

    Post # 7
    Member
    280 posts
    Helper bee

    Depends on your relationship with them, I think.

    If you want to save this friendship, go ahead and invite them over or go to their house for dinner. 

    If not, send them a card with the invoice of how much they owe you for the cost of their empty chair at your wedding lol just sayin…

    Post # 8
    Member
    1261 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Tough love but… I think you are blowing this out of proportion and need to get over it. Your wedding day isn’t as important to anyone as it is to you. Life happens. I personally found her response adequate. It’s sad she missed it and I know you’re hurt. If she is a good friend communicate that you missed her on your big day. There’s nothing to be done about it now so move on with your friendship. If she is not close enough for you to get over it then move on. I see no need to chastise her.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2268 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Sweetsarahj:  I would let it go. 

    It sounds like your friend was busy dealing with trying to take care of a sick loved one and catching a bus. She probably didn’t want to text you her sob story while you were busy on your happy day. When you texted her, maybe she just felt embarrassed.

    Is it a bummer that your friend couldn’t make it and didn’t give you notice? Sure. But I’m not sure it’s worth fuming over. Take her up on her offer to get together — I’m sure it would be great to catch up with your friend!

    Post # 12
    Member
    9527 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    It sounds like she had a sick child, that does trump wedding. Also, had trouble getting to you once she had the child taken care of. She probably didn’t want to bother you on your special day. I would just let it go. I expect some people to drop at the last minute and others who didn’t RSVP to take their place. That is just one of those things that happens at weddings. Is this the hill worth dying on? Is one day, although a big one, ruin this friendship? Up to you

    Post # 13
    Member
    47211 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Sweetsarahj:  Yes, it can be passive aggressive.

    Thanks. I might say something like “I’m not upset that you weren’t there, but I am upset that I had to reach out to you to ask why. I wish I would have gotten an email or facebook message from you.

    That will come across like you are lecturing her on manners.

    I would be upset too. I think she or her SO could have made more of an effort to let you know of their last minute inability to attend.  If she really didn’t have the right #, I think she should have contacted you after the wedding to explain her absence.

    I just don’t think you are going to accomplish anything by persuing this.

     

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    2575 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    Is Theresa her child?  I mean, you can try and drive your point home, but I don’t see why there is the need.  If I had been in her situation, there is no way in heck I would have sent a text or called the day of the wedding, or the few days after the wedding for that matter.  I did not want to be bugged by anyone in the outside world after my wedding.  I just wanted to be with my husband and not think of anyone/anything else.  While two weeks seems a little long, maybe she’s just waiting for the alloted amount of time for a honeymoon to pass before she contacted you.   

    Post # 15
    Member
    824 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    You reached out and she answered you and her text seemed sincere. Why would she text or call you on your wedding day or while you might be on your honeymoon? Every wedding has no shows, I have never understood why some brides get steamed over this. 

    The topic ‘No show wedding guests’ is closed to new replies.

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