(Closed) No show wedding guests

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:

    Tell her straight out that she was rude, abandon the friendship

    Say It's ok and secretly steam over it

    Don't respond at all - she will get the message

    Ask for a real apology

  • Post # 16
    Member
    89 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    View original reply
    muguet:  Because many brides have to pay for the no-shows. If someone sends an RSVP indicating that they are coming, it’s extremely messed up to just not show up. The bride and groom are paying for the people who didn’t show. That’s why brides get “steamed” over it.

    Post # 17
    Member
    962 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    I actually thought her message was sweet. Not everyone reacts the way we want them to. We have to remember the people in our lives don’t stop their lives because we are getting married. I would accept her gift graciously, and skip the opportunity to teach her a lesson on etiquette.

    That being said, I’m very sorry. I know no shows are stressful, and it doesn’t feel good to have someone not show up and not acknolwedge it. I just think confronting head on in such a way has a potential to make things much worse.

    Post # 18
    Member
    7199 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I’m sorry. I’m sure it stinkgs to have someone close to you no-show to your wedding and, yes she should have reached out and let you know. That said, her message was clear and sweet. She did tell you why she didn’t make it- sick child/partner & couldn’t get a bus in time- both valid excuses. She offered to go out and bring you your gift. She clearly values the friendship. I think you’re splitting hairs over the fact that she didn’t actually say “I’m sorry”. She did say she was upset about it… it clearly wasn’t her fault, so she doesn’t really have anything to be “sorry” about. If I were you I would just move past it. To me, this is not worth ending a friendship over and not even worth further conversation. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    372 posts
    Helper bee

    I would be pissed off too as you could’ve replaced her if she had told you early on in the day. I had my friends boyfriend cancel on the day but she texted me in the morning so I had enough time to substitute the spots and email the venue manager to write a new placecard and switch tables. I would be pissed off. Some people have no idea and to not even ring the next day to apologise is just unacceptable.

    Post # 20
    Member
    336 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    View original reply
    Sweetsarahj:  you have a right to be upset, and i agree, you shouldn’t have had to reach out to her–she should have contacted you. but it sounds like she genuinely had a reason why she was unable to come. it sounds like she’s still trying to make amends for it, so i would accept and just let it go. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    1031 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016 - His Way Church & Chesapeake Room @ Downs Park

    It’s very difficult to discern the “tone” of the message. It’s written word, so while you may be reading it as cavalier, she may have thought it sounded different in her head. While the phone number thing is odd, she seems like she was genuinely sorry. I would let it go entirely. Anything else that gets said after this point is going to unecessarily strain the relationship.

    Post # 22
    Member
    7638 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    Sweetsarahj:  It sounds like she spent several days caring for a sick relative. Sorry but she had bigger things on her mind than your wedding. It would’ve been been nicer if she’d contacted you, but you are getting way too upset over this.

    No shows for no reason are rude, but it sounds like she had a good reason. I can’t vote in the poll because there’s no option which says, “Forgive her and move on”.

    Post # 23
    Member
    5 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    Wedding are so expensive. It’s not fair dor anyone to be a no show. And if they are, they should pay for their plates

    Post # 24
    Member
    7365 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    No shows are a reality for any host of an event, whether its corporate or private. It happens and that’s the risk you assume. Does it suck, sure. Friendship ending? Absolutely not. Especially,  if she was the caretaker for a sick child. Life gets in the way of events.  No matter how much someone wants to be there.  I accept that reality.

    I also totally see why she wouldn’t reach out immediately after you wedding.  I’d assume you’re on a honeymoon and wouldn’t feel comfortable contacting you within two weeks.

     

     

    Post # 25
    Member
    553 posts
    Busy bee

    None of the above – how about get over it? 

    Post # 26
    Member
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I second get over it. Stuff happens. Caring for a sick child/spouse/whatever trumps a wedding. Sucks for sure that you paid for the plate. But that happens all the time, weddings are no different. Life gets in the way.

    Post # 27
    Member
    138 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    Agree that you need to forgive her and move on. You are really overreacting.

    The topic ‘No show wedding guests’ is closed to new replies.

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