(Closed) No shower gift from friend – Do I confront her?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Just drop it. It’s not worth creating drama about. She could be tight on money but still wanted to show up and show support for you. Bringing it up will only make YOU look greedy/whiny/bad.

Post # 4
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

The answer is still “no” after reading your post. If she has a mysterious gift to give you, she will let you know.

Post # 5
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Hmmm…. that’s a tough one. 

It’s hard to ask about a gift without seeming like you are reminding someone to get you one. 

Have you checked your registries to see if maybe she ordered something that just haven’t been delivered yet?

I think I’d just let it go. I’m also not sure I’d send a thank you note if she didn’t bring anything. Sometimes thank you notes for attendance are seen as a prompt for a gift.

Post # 6
1446 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think I would just let it go too…maybe thank her for coming on the thank you note and then maybe she will notice you never mentioned a gift…

Post # 7
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’d just let it go. I don’t really see a good way to go about this without upseting her.

Post # 9
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I’d still send a nice “thank you for coming to my shower” note. Maybe she realized she couldn’t afford both a shower & wedding gift- the cost for wedding guests can also add up.

Post # 11
2759 posts
Sugar bee

Absolutely no. If she wants to give you a gift, she will. I understand the worry that maybe the gift was lost, but unfortunately the other side of that is there wasn’t a gift so any mention of a gift would just be uncomfortable for both of you at this point. Definitely send a note and thank her warmly for attending your shower – that’s what really matters, after all 🙂


Post # 12
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co.

Part of the beauty of a Thank you note is to confirm you recieved a gift. If you thank her for coming to the shower, it will open the door for her to ask if you got the gift. Otherwise, nothing needs to be said. Saving you both an awkward conversation.

Post # 13
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If she brought a gift and it wasn’t there, my guess is that if she doesn’t receive a ‘thank you for my gift’ card she’ll ask about it.  Do not under any circumstances ask if she brought a gift. 

Post # 14
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I RSVPed no to a friend’s wedding and a few months later she called and asked if I’d sent a gift.  I was a little embarrased to answer “No” (I didn’t realize this was customary!) and she explained it was no big deal, she was just filling out thank you cards and forgot to record if I’d sent anything.  She truly sounded like she didn’t mind, so I wasn’t really upset or offended at the question.

So yes, I think it’s possible to ask someone if they brought a gift without sounding greedy.  But it may depend on how well you know her and how well you can play casual. 

Post # 15
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’d drop it. Maybe she didn’t have a gift to offer. Maybe she forgot to give it to you and is just saving it for the wedding. Who knows.

Post # 16
675 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Agree with PPs. Thank her for her presence and attending, and just let it go. 

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