No shower, no bachelorette…what to do?

posted 3 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
7806 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

These are unnecessary social obligations that it sounds like you wouldn’t even enjoy. I didn’t want a traditional bridal shower, so we did a small bridal brunch. Do you get along with your ILs? Maybe you could do something small like that (only if you WANT to). 

Post # 3
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I think this is something a lot of people struggle with because weddings and guest lists really make it evident who is important and who you have in your life. Focus on the positive and maybe celebrate with your dad or fiancé by doing something for YOU! Something you would really enjoy that can substitute for those special moments. Do a weekend away or a spa day!!! Society really makes a big deal of all the events and hooplah. Congrats on finding the love of your life!

Post # 4
Member
766 posts
Busy bee

You are your truest friend, bee. You don’t sound selfish at all. I think maybe you’re just craving someone to bond with? Do you have *any* females in your life you can call up to see if they’d like to accompany you on a day trip to the nearest big city, shopping, acouple drinks, and lunch?

Post # 7
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

You are not at all obligated to have a shower or bachelorette, and not having them won’t make your wedding any less special or your marriage any less valid. I don’t like big crowds, so my bachelorette is going to be one close girlfriend, my sister, cousin, and Future Sister-In-Law going to the spa. Maybe you could find something low-key to do with people that you are close to (including FH?). You don’t need to keep it just to women either.

Post # 8
Member
3708 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

You aren’t missing out. I didn’t have a bachelorette party. It just isn’t my thing. Is there anyone on your fiance’s side who might be interested in throwing a couples shower? My inlaws threw one for us and it was nice having my fiancee there to take some of the attention off of me. 

Post # 9
Member
7806 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
lovelyeveey :  Bee, I hope this isn’t too harsh..but do you realize how crazy this sounds? You’re scared of missing out on something you would hate. What?? Are you scared of missing out on brazilian waxes, or getting into a car accident? Just because other people do certain things doesn’t mean everyone has to, and definitely doesn’t mean you should ever feel bad about not having those. 

Post # 10
Member
345 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry to hear that this is stressing you out. My younger cousin is on the spectrum as well and I love him to pieces and it breaks my heart to see him struggle/to see people not be sensitive to his needs. Does your fiance have nice, calm, quiet respectful female family members or friends’ girlfriends/wives that can respect sharing a space without pushing for conversations? Would maybe going for a pedicure or manicure with a couple of people be an option? You could all travel separately and simply sit near/beside each other without the expectation of small talk, your fiance could call the salon and explain you want a very calm and relaxing environment, maybe have them play some quiet background music and ask the staff to keep talking to the very minimum?

If you’d be more comfortable with just doing something with your fiance, I think the idea of a pre-moon or mini-moon is cool. You could go and have a nice meal either in a restaurant or get your favorite takeout and drive to a lookout spot or find a nice park bench, maybe go to a movie, or make a day trip and go exploring in a nearby town just the two of you?

Post # 11
Member
876 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

We had a small wedding and I chose not to have a shower or bachelorette. and I was 100% ok with that.

It doesn’t sound like you even WANT these things, so why force it?

Post # 12
Member
1031 posts
Bumble bee

You aren’t missing out. I had a shower and bach for my first wedding. I didn’t want either for my second wedding and don’t regret not having them. 

Post # 13
Member
2658 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
FutureMrsBex :  I like this, OP. Having a joint shower where you and your fiancé can jointly share the attention sounds like a great idea. Likewise, a bachelorette party doesn’t have to be exhausting socially. You could have a few women in your family/fiancés family join you for a day at the nail spa. 

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