(Closed) No shower, no bridesmaids, no bachelorette party

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7086 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am having BMs, but we are not doing most of the regular Bridesmaid or Best Man things.  They are both starting businesses and have kids, so everyone is extremely busy.  No Showers, No Bach party, not really my types of things.  The one thing that we are planning and might be a consideration for you is a Tea.  Having a tea party with the ladies from both sides of the family may give you that weddingy thing that you are looking for.  It is an informal way to get both sides together before all the formal things begin.

Post # 4
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I wasn’t going to have any of that until two nice friends asked me if they could do something.  I helped plan and I’m having a wine tasting party where each person will bring a bottle of wine for tasting and a bottle for me to take home.  Honestly, I don’t care if I get any wine at all, I’m just looking forward to some fun times with my friends.  I love dinner and wine so this is perfect! 

I’m a weird girl though – I have such a hard time with all the “etiquette” stuff and the “supposed to do’s” stuff that goes along with weddings.  I just have a hard time with, “I’m getting married – give me stuff” attitude.  We are 30 years old, we have more crap than kingdom come, we don’t need any china or linens or stuff that people use once/year.  I did buy myself a NICE set of cookware though…OMG.  I was scared of it at first but I LOVE IT.  Ok, sorry for tangent.

I know showers/bachelorettes are supposed to be set up by your maids/MOH, but why don’t you set up a get together for your friends?  Just casual. Call it your combination Shower/Bachelorette and just go out and have fun! 

Post # 5
5166 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have 4 BMs and 1 Moh, but I am not doing a shower or bach party. Two of my Bms are out of state so its just easier that way. Besides I’ve never full understood all the pre-wedding events such as shower, bach party, engagement party.. I think guests get tired of pre-wedding events after awhile, especially now when the economy hasnt been so great

Post # 7
4 posts

Just because you are not having bridesmaids doesn’t mean you can’t get ready with girlfriends.  Consider inviting some your best friends to get ready with you or if that’s too much maybe just asking a close girlfriend or two to come in your room ahead of the wedding and get some girl time with them seeing you in your dress before everyone else.  They don’t need an official title to be a part of the prep.

I know the feeling, bc I felt the same…It is a lot to ask people to fly to a wedding and a bach party and a shower, so why not do a tea or lunch or dinner or something in the town you are getting married in for your girlfriends the day before the wedding.  They’ll already be there for the wedding so it’s easy to ask them to carve out a few hours the day before the wedding.

And don’t feel bad or dismiss your feelings.  If you want something, figure out a way to make it happen.


Post # 8
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m definitely in the same boat!  I live in NC, family all lives in 6 other states.  I have 4 bridesmaids (sisters) but I am not having any of the typical pre-wedding parties….for several reasons…..  a. my wedding is a destination wedding for everone coming so no way for them to plan ahead for anything.  b. everyones spending so much just to travel and rent hotel rooms that no one can afford to throw me a bachelorette party or whatever… and c.  my bridesmaids are all my little sisters and would have no clue how to organize ANY event let alone a bachelorette party or shower   LOL  I’m also a little sad that I won’t have a bunch of crazy girlfriends “helping” me get ready and stuff like that.

I am a little depressed about it and have mentioned it several times to my mom that I would love to just go out and have a girl’s night out with girlfriends but I really don’t have any close girlfriends  : (

Sorry that you are dealing with the same thing I am…I hope you have a great time at your wedding!!    Maybe you could just go out for a ladie’s night for dinner or something….mom, grandma, aunts or whoever.  Just you “girls”!

Post # 9
4 posts

@TobeMrsC: Ha! Seems like we just said the same thing.  Enjoy!

Post # 10
25 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

@TobeMrsC: It’s ok. I am learning that with wedding stuff, “Your experience may vary”. It’s hard…we’re all girls, we’ve all grown up watching girly movies that detail the entire wedding experience from start to end like it’s “supposed” to be…so we automatically think ours will be the same. But it won’t always be, and that’s ok.

If it makes you feel better, I didn’t have an engagement party, I won’t be having a bach party, I had a falling out with my Maid/Matron of Honor, I only have two BM’s, no one else to ask. I am doing everything on my own without much input at all from anyone else. Yeah, it kind of sucks. Last June when my college friend was married, her 10 friends threw her a HUGE bach party. I’m talking all day affair – breakfast, nails, hair, shopping, dinner, dancing, etc. I was in awe really.

I don’t have any girlfriends due to the industry I’m in and the hobbies I have (99% male dominated, I just don’t meet a lot of women) so I’ve just accepted the fact that there won’t be 10 girls helping me get ready on my wedding day. Just me and a couple folks who mean a lot to me.

Post # 11
7 posts
  • Wedding: July 2011

@TobeMrsC: I’m in the same boat here too. I feel so much like I’m missing out and it’s quite depressing. We’re eloping because I have almost noone to invite to a big wedding and I was hoping that I could have the shower and bacherlorette party at least but I don’t have enough close friends to know who to invite or have someone throw them for me.  It’s a very lonely boat!

Post # 12
1039 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m in this same boat. Fiance and I are in a new city, don’t really know that many people yet, although we are starting to make friends. My Maid/Matron of Honor is six hours away in our old town, along with his two best men, his groomsmen, and all his fam and our joint friends. My friends are another two hours away from them, and the rest of my friends and fam and 3 BMs are across the country. I can’t decide if I want one big bach party in vegas or something, or two sep ones with this side of the states and that side of the states. Such a headache!!!

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