Post # 1
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
Who here did not have engagement parties, showers and bachelorette parties? We did not have an engagement party and no one has said anything to me about a shower or bachelorette party. We’re getting married at the end of July, so I would think I would have heard something about it by now.
I don’t want a bachelorette party, but I would like a shower. I just don’t think anyone wants to plan one for us.
I thought my best friend might do something, but now I doubt it. She’s pretty consumed with her own life, as are all of my friends. We’re at the point in our lives where work is overwhelming, kids are overwhelming, life is generally hectic.
My mom and dad are wonderful and love us, but could not possibly care less about anything wedding related. My FI’s parents will be out of the country for months up until a week before our wedding. My sister said a while back that she “insisted” I have a shower. When I brought it up to her a few weeks ago she said “Oh, you don’t really want to do that, do you?”. Not sure what that’s about. She is a very selfish person, so I never expected her to do anything like that, anyway.
Anyway, it looks like we won’t have a shower. Maybe my Fiance and I will budget aside some money to go shopping for our own household stuff before our wedding. There’s a lot of stuff we need and it would be nice to pick things out together.
Anyone else have this situation?
Post # 3
Member
3212 posts
Sugar bee
I’m just having a very small shower and a bachelorette party. Unfortunately, you can’t really “suggest” that someone throw you one. These were volunteered to me.
Post # 4
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
Your maid of honour is suppose to arrange the shower. Honestly i would ask her if anyone is throwing one. My Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister so i can be brutally honest with her and i told her what i want and dont want.
I hate showers, so i wont be having one. I will be having a bachelorette. Didnt have an engagement party either but they arent super popular around here.
Post # 5
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee
Do you have a bridal party? They normally plan the shower and bachelorette.
Post # 6
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
We didn’t do an “engagement party” as such, but we did get together at a favorite restaurant with a bunch of our friends for a celebratory dinner. I didn’t want a bachelorette – not my thing at all. My sisters did put together a shower, and one of DH’s mom’s friends also held one, which was super sweet of her. Maybe your Fiance can put out some feelers among the women on his side of the family to see if they would throw one to welcome you? Even if his mom isn’t around, there might be sisters, aunts, best friends, etc., who would love an excuse for a party.
Post # 7
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
@solidarity: I’m sorry 🙁 I have gone through something similar. I didn’t have an engagement party (which I didn’t really expect or want). However, I did want a shower and bachelorette party. Well, I don’t have a ton of close friends, but I did have a coworker offer to throw me both, but I turned her down because my sister promised she was going to do them. Fast forward to a few weeks before the wedding and… nothing. I asked her and she just kept saying she would do it, but never did. My mom ended up footing the bill for a small (as in, just me and her) bachelorette celebration, but I never had a shower.
Post # 8
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
Everyone I would invite toa shower is scattered, and since I’m already asking everyone to travel for the wedding, I’m not going to have a shower as such. I am thinking of having a tea for my bridesmaids and the women in the family before the rehearsal dinner – though in this scenario, I’ll be the one giving gifts! I like it better that way! I never know how to show gratitude properly, so I imagine a shower would be super awkward for me.
It’s kind of the same thing for my bachellorette – my sister lives on the east coast, my one bm on the west coast, and my other bm in the midwest. It’s impossible! What I’m doing is visiting the one friend and having a night out, planning a slumber party with my sister to play with make up and have one on one quality time, finding another way to have one on one time with the third (lots of long phone calls, it seems), and then maybe having a casual night out to dinner and drinks with some of my local friends.
I’m really liking this model of spending some close, quality time with each of my bridesmaids – makes it less about giving me attention and more about having special bonding time with my lovelies. 🙂
Post # 9
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I have never had a shower or a party, and now I am not having a baby shower either! They just really are not my thing. I feel weird expecting people to gift me. It just is not for me.
Post # 10
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
@MRSsrm85: Yeah, I would never ask. Especially when I know everyone is so busy with their own lives. I know it’s not really important, but it would be nice.
@Swizzle: I was originally going to have my sister stand up as my Maid/Matron of Honor, but I’ve realized it’s a bad idea if I want to maintain a good relationship with her. She has good qualities, but she’s generally erratic and selfish. I did ask her about it a few weeks ago and she gave me the above response. A week after that, she picked a big fight with my Fiance over nothing so I decided I didn’t want her to stand up. Too much stress.
@Bostongrl25: I have a Maid/Matron of Honor, my best friend. Like I mentioned above, she’s pretty consumed with her own life. I mentioned picking out a formal dress for her (whatever she likes, I don’t care) and she kind of balked at that even. We’ve been friends for over 20 years, so it’s not like I can’t bring it up to her. I just don’t want to because she has so much else going on.
@KCKnd2: That would be a nice idea, but there’s some tension on that side of the family right now. We are not quite sure what is going on (it’s not about us) but we’ve stepped back a bit for now. We’re friendly with them, but we don’t see them outside of church.
@QueenOfSerendip: Sorry to hear that :(. My sister does things like that, too. Her word isn’t reliable, so I’ve learned to expect very little from her. Works out a lot better that way! I’m not disappointed as often. I’m not sure why I didn’t apply that rule to her with this stuff. I guess I always hope she’ll rise above her tendency to be a jerk, but that hasn’t happened in over 33 years!
I guess the upside with not having a shower or any of that is not feeling like we have to have formal plans. We are not sure what we’re doing for a party due to finances and what-not. We have discussed not doing anything, which might feel really weird if we had all the parties.
Post # 11
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
No e-party and I’m not sure about a shower. I have already hosted two (with help from family) for my sister so she may throw me a small one. I told her she can do a pot luck and I can make the list as small as she’d like. I’m going to remind her that I will be OK if she doesn’t throw me one.
I didn’t want an e-party b/c I feel like there are enough wedding related parties and I personally feel like they’re a waste.
I do want a bachelorette party but I don’t know if it’ll be so much of a party as a night on the town with my girls.
Post # 12
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
We are not having any of the above.
We did go out to dinner after our engagement with our immediate friends and family to celebrate, but that was the extent of what would be closest to an “engagement party.”
I very specifically do not want a bachelorette party, and even more than that I really do NOT want a shower. The concept of a party in which the sole purpose is to watch me open presents does not sit right with me; plus people will already likely be giving us gifts for our wedding, so a shower just seems like an extra gift-grab [to me].
Post # 13
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
It really is up to them to throw the shower.
NOW I don’t want to get your hopes up, because it still could be that they haven’t thought about it, but the shower that I am throwing for my best friend is going to be a surprise. That is actually a pretty common thing around here.
You could drop hints to your Maid/Matron of Honor seeing as it really IS her duty, and I know your parents may not care about anything wedding related, but if you say it would really be helpful because you dont have anything for your future house and you are kind of relying on the shower….well that seems more than just wedding related. I don;t know how close you are to your parents, but if you could talk to them then maybe they can help you out.
I guess in the end if somebody decided to do it/they are planning it to be a surprise, then that’s awesome. If they end up not doing it then I am really sorry about your situation. I understand that it’s probably not ALL REALLY about the presents, it’s the principal of the matter that stings the most.
Post # 14
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
@FutureMrsLAL: this is exactly how I feel. The original origin of a shower was for women who’s families could not provide a dowry or would not provide a dowry for whatever reason, and to allow friends and other family to get together to make one for her. This seems extremely outdated to me. We’re going to be getting more than enough stuff for the wedding…the thought of every sitting around watching me open presents almost gives me a panic attack.
I will possibly have a bachelorette lunch or something just as an excuse to get together with all my female friends, but that’s not really that different than any other weekend so I don’t know if that counts. I think I personally just hate being the center of attention.
Post # 16
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
@indecisivebride89: I doubt anyone is planning a surprise shower. That would be a huge shocker. And I know it’s usually the MOH’s “duty” to plan the shower, but I wouldn’t ask her to do that stuff nor assume she will. People have their own lives, you know? She lives kind of far away, too.
We live together and have everything we need, for the most part. We’re not hurting or anything. It’s not a big deal, just one of those wishful thinking type things. It is nice to be remembered and to have people do nice things for us. We would never expect it, of course. I’m the kind of person who routinely goes ot of my way for people, but I realize not everyone is that way.
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