(Closed) No showers or other parties?

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
3173 posts
Sugar bee

I’m just having a very small shower and a bachelorette party. Unfortunately, you can’t really “suggest” that someone throw you one. These were volunteered to me.

Post # 4
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your maid of honour is suppose to arrange the shower. Honestly i would ask her if anyone is throwing one.  My Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister so i can be brutally honest with her and i told her what i want and dont want. 

I hate showers, so i wont be having one.  I will be having a bachelorette. Didnt have an engagement party either but they arent super popular around here. 

Post # 5
3942 posts
Honey bee

Do you have a bridal party? They normally plan the shower and bachelorette.

Post # 6
3696 posts
Sugar bee

We didn’t do an “engagement party” as such, but we did get together at a favorite restaurant with a bunch of our friends for a celebratory dinner. I didn’t want a bachelorette – not my thing at all. My sisters did put together a shower, and one of DH’s mom’s friends also held one, which was super sweet of her. Maybe your Fiance can put out some feelers among the women on his side of the family to see if they would throw one to welcome you? Even if his mom isn’t around, there might be sisters, aunts, best friends, etc., who would love an excuse for a party.

Post # 7
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@solidarity:  I’m sorry 🙁 I have gone through something similar. I didn’t have an engagement party (which I didn’t really expect or want). However, I did want a shower and bachelorette party. Well, I don’t have a ton of close friends, but I did have a coworker offer to throw me both, but I turned her down because my sister promised she was going to do them. Fast forward to a few weeks before the wedding and… nothing. I asked her and she just kept saying she would do it, but never did. My mom ended up footing the bill for a small (as in, just me and her) bachelorette celebration, but I never had a shower. 

Post # 8
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Everyone I would invite toa  shower is scattered, and since I’m already asking everyone to travel for the wedding, I’m not going to have a shower as such.  I am thinking of having a tea for my bridesmaids and the women in the family before the rehearsal dinner – though in this scenario, I’ll be the one giving gifts!  I like it better that way!  I never know how to show gratitude properly, so I imagine a shower would be super awkward for me.

It’s kind of the same thing for my bachellorette – my sister lives on the east coast, my one bm on the west coast, and my other bm in the midwest.  It’s impossible!  What I’m doing is visiting the one friend and having a night out, planning a slumber party with my sister to play with make up and have one on one quality time, finding another way to have one on one time with the third (lots of long phone calls, it seems), and then maybe having a casual night out to dinner and drinks with some of my local friends.

I’m really liking this model of spending some close, quality time with each of my bridesmaids – makes it less about giving me attention and more about having special bonding time with my lovelies.  🙂

Post # 9
7768 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have never had a shower or a party, and now I am not having a baby shower either!  They just really are not my thing.  I feel weird expecting people to gift me.  It just is not for me.

Post # 11
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

No e-party and I’m not sure about a shower. I have already hosted two (with help from family) for my sister so she may throw me a small one. I told her she can do a pot luck and I can make the list as small as she’d like. I’m going to remind her that I will be OK if she doesn’t throw me one.

I didn’t want an e-party b/c I feel like there are enough wedding related parties and I personally feel like they’re a waste.

I do want a bachelorette party but I don’t know if it’ll be so much of a party as a night on the town with my girls.

Post # 12
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We are not having any of the above.

We did go out to dinner after our engagement with our immediate friends and family to celebrate, but that was the extent of what would be closest to an “engagement party.”

I very specifically do not want a bachelorette party, and even more than that I really do NOT want a shower.  The concept of a party in which the sole purpose is to watch me open presents does not sit right with me; plus people will already likely be giving us gifts for our wedding, so a shower just seems like an extra gift-grab [to me].

Post # 13
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It really is up to them to throw the shower. 

NOW I don’t want to get your hopes up, because it still could be that they haven’t thought about it, but the shower that I am throwing for my best friend is going to be a surprise. That is actually a pretty common thing around here. 

You could drop hints to your Maid/Matron of Honor seeing as it really IS her duty, and I know your parents may not care about anything wedding related, but if you say it would really be helpful because you dont have anything for your future house and you are kind of relying on the shower….well that seems more than just wedding related. I don;t know how close you are to your parents, but if you could talk to them then maybe they can help you out. 


I guess in the end if somebody decided to do it/they are planning it to be a surprise, then that’s awesome. If they end up not doing it then I am really sorry about your situation. I understand that it’s probably not ALL REALLY about the presents, it’s the principal of the matter that stings the most.

Post # 14
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@FutureMrsLAL:  this is exactly how I feel.  The original origin of a shower was for women who’s families could not provide a dowry or would not provide a dowry for whatever reason, and to allow friends and other family to get together to make one for her.  This seems extremely outdated to me.  We’re going to be getting more than enough stuff for the wedding…the thought of every sitting around watching me open presents almost gives me a panic attack. 

I will possibly have a bachelorette lunch or something just as an excuse to get together with all my female friends, but that’s not really that different than any other weekend so I don’t know if that counts. I think I personally just hate being the center of attention.

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