Post # 1
We had some people RSVP ‘yes’ to our wedding and didn’t even give the courtesy of letting us know they wouldn’t be coming last minute. I actually contacted them, asking if they were okay and that we missed them there, etc. One of them is pregnant and said she wasn’t feeling well so she didn’t think I’d even notice her not being there. I get not feeling well. That is totally fine! BUT if you RSVP to someone’s wedding, we pay for your meal, and then you don’t show up… the LEAST you could do is send a card with some congratulations in it. I mean… seriously? How rude can people be?
Then we had a few groomsmen and one of our musicians not get us a card or a gift. Again… I don’t really care about material things. If they considered being a part of the wedding their gift to us, that is fine with me. But the LEAST you can do is get us a card with a heart felt message saying congratulations. I like to keep that sort of stuff and it really just hurts my feelings to think people could be so rude and inconsiderate.
I’d NEVER do that to someone. If someone asks you to be a part of one of the biggest days of their lives, you obviously mean a lot to them! Why wouldn’t you get them a card??? Even my co-workers (that weren’t even invited to the wedding out of lack of space) got us a card with a monetary gift in it (totally unexpected).
Ugh. People with no etiquette drive me up the wall. And the worst part is… I want to say something to them about how hurt and upset it makes me feel (been married a month and still no card) but how do you even approach that kind of issue?
Do you think a lot of people think being a part of the wedding is their gift so they just don’t get gifts/cards for people? I’ve ALWAYS gotten a card and gift for the bride/groom when I have been in a wedding so I’m just really surprised.
Would you say something? If so… what would you say? I really want to say something because I feel like they need to know how hurt I am. We spent a long time deciding who to ask to be a part of our wedding and I feel like they don’t value our friendship the same way we do. And that just hurts…
Thanks for listening bees… =
Post # 3
Are the guys single? Because the lack of a card would not surprise me at all if thats the case.
I’m the same way as you about cards so I get why you’re disappointed but I still wouldn’t say anything.
Post # 4
I would let the bridal party thing go. They probably didn’t consider how important a card would be to you, and I think a lot of people do assume that the tux rentals/bachelor party or whatever else they did covers their gift.
I’m not sure what your relationship to your musicians is, but I’m guessing they’re not just your vendors, right?
I know it’s disappointing when you don’t get gifts/cards from people you expected them from, but I wouldn’t say anything. Just try to move on.
Post # 5
Some people just don’t know wedding ettiquette. Hey, I didn’t even know a lot of it before I started planning. Don’t bring it up and I wouldn’t take it personally. Some people just don’t know better.
Post # 6
None of our groomsmen got us anything, but it doesn’t bother me… I actually didn’t realize it until I read this post. Each of them expressed how happy they were to be a part of our big day and that means a lot to me. I understand your point tho. It’s nice to have the cards as a memory. I don’t think guys think about that stuff, honestly. I think you should try to not let it put a damper on the memories of your happy day!
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2012 - The Old Field Club
My Fiance was in a wedding this summer and if not for me being his date he wouldn’t have known to bring a card (though we ordered a gift off the registry before the wedding). Guys just don’t know…
Post # 8
@Miss Wallaroo: “I don’t really care about material things. If they considered being a part of the wedding their gift to us, that is fine with me. But the LEAST you can do…….”
Anyways. I don’t see that it’s a very big deal.
Post # 9
I think this is just a reflection of the genereal increasing disregard for etiquette. Ther are many bees who have openly stated they are ignoring many aspects of traditional etiquette.
It is no surprise to me that our guests will do it too.
Post # 10
@leafgum: agree and I also agree some bees are right in saying not everyone knows the wedding ‘rules’, especially singles or people who have never been to many weddings. Awkward, yes a little. True. Absolutely. I bet this happens to every bride if not ever other bride in some way or another.
I would just extend these people some grace, especially your pregnant friend. If I were tossing cookies all night or day or whatever happened, I certainly wouldn’t be in the mindset I have to let so-and-so know I’m missing their wedding. Rude, maybe a little bit. But I think that’s a legit excuse.
Post # 11
@leafgum: I don’t really see the point of you pointing out that quote with a “lol” ? How could someone’s hurt feelings be funny to you? Wow.
My point is – some people (in fact, a LOT of people) EXPECT gifts. I could care less about a gift card or material object. But I DO expect a card or note or some kind of acknowledgment that we just had a HUGE change occur in our lives. It isn’t asking a lot.
Oh… and “anyways” isn’t a word. So perhaps the next time you are snarky on someone’s post, try using proper grammar. Thanks.
Post # 12
I’ve had the same thing happen, both ppl not showing up and not giving a call or card. Rude, nothing you can do. Not everyone realizes how important “our day” is in all reality. You have to just let it go. I have finally.
Post # 13
Calm yourself. The quote was funny because it seemed like a total contradiction. Now I see that you’re talking about gift cards. Anyways with an s, I just think you’re being a little picky here. You don’t care about gifts or anything but you expect at least a card. Why expect anything besides their lovely presence? It’s not like they’re trying to be rude, so why is it such a big deal?
We are obviously in two different worlds here, so anywayssssss…..just doesn’t make much sense to me why you can’t just you know..get over it!
Post # 14
@Carolyn72: I second this. We live in a very selfish culture, not all wedding guests are going to realize their actions are rude or insensitive. I’m sorry this happened. but it did :/ I would just tell myself they didn’t know how they were offending you and move on. Focus on the wonderful people that DID make your day so special, including your family/friends/husband.
Post # 15
I really get tired of people giving all men a pass on not knowing anything. Don’t they ever think to just ASK somebody what they should or need to do for a big event?
If they really don’t know, maybe you’d be educating them by mentioning in an offhand way that you were surprised they didn’t think to get you a card for your memory book. I’m guessing that maybe the next time they get invited to a wedding they might be more thoughtful.
Post # 16
@jo.lee: I agree. I was a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding a few years ago, and honestly, I didn’t even think to get them a gift. But then again, I was 18 at the time and not very aware of wedding gift ettiquette and whatnot. All three of us BMs pitched in and threw her a bachelorette party, so I guess we kind of considered that her gift. If it were now, I’d probably get the couple a gift anyway.
I’m sorry that your feelings are hurt. I would definitely be upset about the RSVP-yesers and then no-shows.