(Closed) No-shows to the Engagement Party, Do I still have to invite them?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should I do about no-show/no-responds from the engagement party?
    You still have to invite them round 1 : (35 votes)
    55 %
    B-list them, and let others who care more have advanced notice on the destination wedding : (26 votes)
    41 %
    Other (Explain) : (3 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @waitingwonderland:  How many people is it? I would overinvite on the first round because it is a destination wedding and you will probably have a high decline rate (since DWs are usually more expensive).

    Post # 4
    Member
    1830 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    All I can say is I hope that people you invited to your engagement party would be people you would want at your wedding. It’s also pretty rude and seems “gift grabby” (even if that’s not what you’re doing) to invite somebody to a party and then not the actual wedding. But that’s just IMO.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @pharmy:  

    +1

    Post # 6
    Member
    5963 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    I was unaware that the protocol for engagment parties nowadays included calling & sending a gift or card in order the decline the invitation….

    Post # 7
    Member
    2711 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    If you invite them to the engagement party then you must invite them to the wedding.  As PP said, to do otherwise would be rude and gift grabby (even though that may not be your intent).  So I think you do need to invite them in the first round.  However, you don’t need to send them a save the date.

    Post # 8
    Member
    5075 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I’m confused.

    you no longer want them at your wedding because they didn’t come to the engagement party?  

    Post # 10
    Member
    1830 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    Hm, that’s a little different then, if you haven’t spoken AT ALL. The way your first post was worded made it sound like they didn’t come to your e-party and now they’re not invited to the wedding, which would be messed up, frankly.

    I would try to get in touch with them before invites go out, and decide then. Maybe they’ve been really busy or having one of those weeks/months. I know I basically drop off the grid for a week or two during exams or when I’m stressed. It happens.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5963 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    @waitingwonderland:  I’m just not sure what kind of interest you were looking for from an engagement party, while it’s lovely that you had one, they certainly aren’t required, and just because people were unable to come or neglected to call or send a gift, I wonder what you expected that’s left you questioning inviting them to the wedding.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    I think considering you sent out requests for RSVPs several times and these people didn’t contact you at all (I’m assuming not even for stuff other than the engagement party in which you could’ve mentioned it in passing), I would B-list them.  Yeah, etiquette says you should invite them.. but they are not contacting you even though you are contacting them.  That doesn’t seem like what good friends do.

    Post # 14
    Member
    6743 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    It’s a destination wedding.  If they didn’t show up or respond to the engagement party, what makes you think that they’ll drop everything and show up to the wedding??  Chances are, they won’t, so there’s no harm in inviting them to the wedding, right?

    ETA:  If the issue is save the dates, not your entire list is entitled to a save the date.  You can send your STD to the people you definitely want to show up and definitely think would make it (your A+ list?) and the invites can just go to everyone.  If they didn’t get a STD, chances are, they won’t be able to make it to a Destination Wedding in the amount of notice they’ll receive from an invite, anyway.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1876 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @waitingwonderland:  Maybe I’m in the minority here, but an evite does not make it sounds like it was a formal party where RSVP’s were necessary. They probably couldn’t make it and didn’t think twice about clicking the “No” button.

    So while yes, they should have been better about communicating with you, you still have to invite them.

    Post # 16
    Member
    12973 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Could you see that the viewed the Evite?  I have lots of events where people don’t even click into the evite and just get the details from the generic email.  But in your account, you can see exactly when your invitation was viewed, if at all.

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