Post # 1
I was searching for what to do about No Shows to weddings on google when I came across this site. So instead of ranting to people I know, I wanted some opinions from a “different group”
I seriously wanted to send a mass text to those involved, or post something about it on facebook….. but I don’t want to be that bride or person.
My wedding was yesterday. It was a very stressful and emotional day. My husband and I are both military. He is active duty, me a reservist. He got transfered about 1000 miles away from where I am from a couple months ago. We got engaged in April, sent out invites in August, had wedding in Oct. Everyone invited knew that I would be moving a week after our wedding. I have lived in my city for 15 years and have quite a few friends I have met through my career. They also knew I am having to leave my 12 year old son here with his dad and this is the hardest part.
So, I had several pretty close friends, (people that I hang out with outside of work), RSVP’d they were coming to the wedding and didn’t show up. I never got an email, a text, nothing…. I’m quite upset. I don’t know what exactly to do ???
Should I say something ?
Should I say nothing ?
I know it has been 24 hours since the wedding.. but I have to vent. So I thank you for sites like this and people like us who are willing to help a poor girl like me out.
Post # 3
I had a few really close family members not show to my wedding. I didn’t say anything and eventually they called with excuses and apologies and I let it go.. I wouldn’t say anything if I were you
if they are really friends they will come to you and if they don’t just realize maybe they weren’t as close lose as u thought and move on IMO
im sorry that you have to leave your son I know that mug be hard
Post # 4
I’m so sorry that your friends were that rude.
Post # 5
That’s such a difficult situation. I wouldn’t say anything immediately to avoid saying something you regret out of anger. But if it still bothers you in a few months, you might want to say something.
Post # 6
I wouldnt say anything, I would just loose contact with them!
Post # 7
I’m so sorry this has happened to you.
If I were you, I would wait a few days – give them a chance to contact you. If you don’t hear from them and still want to say something about it, do it then.
Post # 8
The passive aggresive part of me would want to phone them up ” I’m just calling because I knew there must have been some sort of terrible emergency that prevented you attending our wedding at the last minute I needed to know that you were OK before i moved at the end of the week.”
The realistic part of me knows that in the end it would make no difference. I would wait until the next time we were together and make sure I mentioned that we missed them.
Post # 9
I understand being upset, it’s hard to see money literally end up in the trash, not to mention you cared enough for these people ti invite them and were happy to know they were coming. It’s difficult to have much sympathy for your absentee guests at the moment and that’s alright, I would caution you against acting rashly with a nasty text or e-mail though. Just like all the circumstances you have and wrote in your post, each and every guest has their own unique set of things that are complicated, delicate, emotional or unpredictable. You don’t have to understand or care why they didn’t make it, but behaving badly over it only makes a hard situation worse for them, and keeps those bad feelings alive in you. I’m sorry it upset you, congratulations and good luck.
Post # 10
Unfortunately this is common in the wedding world. Don’t say anything, just make a mental note of who didn’t show nor called you to explain why, then next time they are having a get together, need help or etc., make sure it isn’t your priority to do for them since they couldn’t put you first.
Post # 11
I’d be angry too for sure. But as much as it sucks, you would look like the jerk for saying something. Just return the favor to these people (unless they had a legit excuse) and don’t go out of your way to attend anything of theirs.
Post # 12
@armychica06: This exactly.
It’s so frustrating, but I’m afraid there isn’t anything you can really do. We had a few no shows at ours, or people who did email us the day or so before (when the final headcount was in and it was too late) with what really seemed like flimsy excuses. But what’s done is done. Concentrate instead on the people who went out of their way for you – focus on them, and what a blessing they are in your lives. Put the no shows out of your mind because they don’t deserve the space there.
Post # 13
Thanks so much for all the feedback !!! It’s super appreciated….. so many of you have mentioned some great things…. in a few days I am sure it will blow over some…. Thank you all again so much. I love the last note from professorgirl, they totally don’t deserve space in my head..
Post # 14
we had 9 guests decide last minute/just no show. Super annoying but unfortunately common. I wouldnt send any mass communications. Maybe next time you see them just say “we missed you at the wedding!” And see what they had to say for themselves, and decide from there whether they’re as good friends as you thought.
Post # 15
Well, I know exactly how you feel. My wedding was 2 weeks ago and I had 60 freaking no show!! Yes, SIXTY! I am beyond pissed with these people. Of the 60, only 2 has given a reason for not coming. My husband’s nephew rsvp’d for 6 but came by himself. When I went by the hotel to drop of the welcome bag, his reservation had been canceled. When I called to find out what was going on because he was in the wedding, I was told he was coming without his family and staying in another family members room. This decision was made before my numbers were turned in. Then his niece rsvp’d for 5 and only came with 2. Again the decided on that before my numbers were turned in but no one told me shit!
The rest of them, I have no freaking clue because they haven’t reached out and said anything. I know they are alive because they’ve liked or commented on my pictures on FB. I have no desire to even communicate with these people right now. I swear if any of them ask me how the wedding went, I will tell them everything was great except all the money I wasted on food because of people who didn’t show up. My ideal number was 125-150 I told the caterer 180. I ended up with about 126 or so and that’s because my Darling Husband told people they could come and didn’t tell me so that was about 5 people and 2 people broght a plus one.
The food was delicious and people were happy to take to go plates but I still ended up with trays of food untouched that ended up going in the trash. Now, I almost didn’t do a photobooth because of money but thank goodness I did it because everyone loved it. Had I not done it and wasted all that money on food, I would sent each and everyone of them a nasty letter. We didn’t allow our employees a plus 1 but if I had known even the day before that these people weren’t coming, I would’ve let them know that they could bring someone just so the food wouldn’t go to waste.
I know I just need to get over it but for right now I am still very pissed! I did have a blast at my wedding and we partied til 2:30 in the morning