(Closed) No-Shows, what to do about them… super sad/angry

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I had a few really close family members not show to my wedding. I didn’t say anything and eventually they called with excuses and apologies and I let it go.. I wouldn’t say anything if I were you

if they are really friends they will come to you and if they don’t just realize maybe they weren’t as close lose as u thought and move on IMO

im sorry that you have to leave your son I know that mug be hard

Post # 5
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

That’s such a difficult situation. I wouldn’t say anything immediately to avoid saying something you regret out of anger. But if it still bothers you in a few months, you might want to say something. 

Post # 6
890 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I wouldnt say anything, I would just loose contact with them!

Post # 7
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. 

If I were you, I would wait a few days – give them a chance to contact you.  If you don’t hear from them and still want to say something about it, do it then.


Post # 8
46416 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The passive aggresive part of me would want to phone them up ” I’m just calling because I knew there must have been some sort of terrible emergency that prevented you attending our wedding at the last minute  I needed to know that you were OK before i moved at the end of the week.”


The realistic part of me knows that in the end it would make no difference. I would wait until the next time we were together and make sure I mentioned that we missed them.

Post # 9
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I understand being upset, it’s hard to see money literally end up in the trash, not to mention you cared enough for these people ti invite them and were happy to know they were coming.  It’s difficult to have much sympathy for your absentee guests at the moment and that’s alright, I would caution you against acting rashly with a nasty text or e-mail though.  Just like all the circumstances you have and wrote in your post, each and every guest has their own unique set of things that are complicated, delicate, emotional or unpredictable.  You don’t have to understand or care why they didn’t make it, but behaving badly over it only makes a hard situation worse for them, and keeps those bad feelings alive in you.  I’m sorry it upset you, congratulations and good luck.

Post # 10
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Unfortunately this is common in the wedding world. Don’t say anything, just make a mental note of who didn’t show nor called you to explain why, then next time they are having a get together, need help or etc., make sure it isn’t your priority to do for them since they couldn’t put you first.

Post # 11
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’d be angry too for sure. But as much as it sucks, you would look like the jerk for saying something. Just return the favor to these people (unless they had a legit excuse) and don’t go out of your way to attend anything of theirs. 

Post # 12
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@armychica06:  This exactly.

It’s so frustrating, but I’m afraid there isn’t anything you can really do. We had a few no shows at ours, or people who did email us the day or so before (when the final headcount was in and it was too late) with what really seemed like flimsy excuses. But what’s done is done. Concentrate instead on the people who went out of their way for you – focus on them, and what a blessing they are in your lives. Put the no shows out of your  mind because they don’t deserve the space there. 

Post # 14
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

we had 9 guests decide last minute/just no show.  Super annoying but unfortunately common.  I wouldnt send any mass communications. Maybe next time you see them just say “we missed you at the wedding!” And see what they had to say for themselves, and decide from there whether they’re as good friends as you thought. 

Post # 15
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Well, I know exactly how you feel.  My wedding was 2 weeks ago and I had 60 freaking no show!!  Yes, SIXTY!  I am beyond pissed with these people.  Of the 60, only 2 has given a reason for not coming. My husband’s nephew rsvp’d for 6 but came by himself.  When I went by the hotel to drop of the welcome bag, his reservation had been canceled.  When I called to find out what was going on because he was in the wedding, I was told he was coming without his family and staying in another family members room.  This decision was made before my numbers were turned in.  Then his niece rsvp’d for 5 and only came with 2.   Again the decided on that before my numbers were turned in but no one told me shit!

The rest of them, I have no freaking clue because they haven’t reached out and said anything.  I know they are alive because they’ve liked or commented on my pictures on FB.  I have no desire to even communicate with these people right now.   I swear if any of them ask me how the wedding went, I will tell them everything was great except all the money I wasted on food because of people who didn’t show up.   My ideal number was 125-150  I told the caterer 180.  I ended up with about 126 or so and that’s because my Darling Husband told people they could come and didn’t tell me so that was about 5 people and 2 people broght a plus one.

The food was delicious and people were happy to take to go plates but I still ended up with trays of food untouched that ended up going in the trash.  Now, I almost didn’t do a photobooth because of money but thank goodness I did it because everyone loved it.  Had I not done it and wasted all that money on food, I would sent each and everyone of them a nasty letter.  We didn’t allow our employees a plus 1 but if I had known even the day before that these people weren’t coming, I would’ve let them know that they could bring someone just so the food wouldn’t go to waste.

I know I just need to get over it but for right now I am still very pissed!  I did have a blast at my wedding and we partied til 2:30 in the morningSmile

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