Post # 1
I was recently asked to be the Maid/Matron of Honor in an old friend’s wedding this summer. We were best friends in grade school, but drifted apart once we started college. However, we’ve kept in touch, and I got to meet her fiance (then-boyfriend) three years ago after I moved across the country.
Since I was going to be in town, we decided to hold her bachelorette party during the same weekend as the shower. She didn’t want anything crazy for her bachelorette party, and I promised not to embarrass her with penis straws or a gaudy tiara or anything. Instead, we went to a salon and had our nails done, and then drove into the city for a really nice dinner (around $50/plate + drinks). As a little extra surprise, I also bought a decorated martini glass from Hallmark and gave it to the bartender to serve her drink in.
After all was said and done, I thought it had turned out to be a successful party – we were laughing and having a good time while still staying “classy.” However, I had this nagging feeling that the bride wasn’t entirely happy. It wasn’t until later that night that I realized she hadn’t said “Thank you” for a single thing that night. I had shelled out $60 for her mani/pedi, over $100 on dinner (we split her dinner between the three of us), $25 for her martini glass — not to mention over $300 on travel expenses to fly in from out of town. I can understand if she was tired from a long day and maybe just forgot to verbally say “Thank you” – but even just an acknowledgement of “Hey, this party was a lot of fun!” or “My nails look great!” would have been enough for me. I even sent her a text message after I left at the end of the night, saying “I hope you ladies had fun! It was great to meet everyone.” — no response.
Maybe I’m just overreacting – I don’t have a problem spending time and money to make a friend feel special, but I’m a little offended that she didn’t even acknowledge the effort we made. Is this something that I should bring up with her? Or should I just leave it alone and chalk it up to experience?
Post # 3
@maliMOH: I think you should leave it alone. Or at the most just ask if she enjoyed herself. It’s hard for me to be around people like that because I thank people for everything they do for me and typically expect the same. However, when I’ve brought it up I’ve had others tell me I expect too much out of people.
I do think she should have said thank you but it seems as though not everyone thinks about manners much these days.
Post # 4
She might have just had an off day. @MrsBeck: is right, sometimes people’s expectations are too high. Just keep your head up, and move on to the next event in her wedding.
Post # 5
@maliMOH: Wow, I think that’s very rude of her. I’m so sorry she wasn’t appreciative of all your efforts, what a bummer. But, still, bringing it up probably won’t make you feel any better, it’s kinda too late now. However, I would probably send her a quick text, something along the lines of, “Hope you had fun, we all certainly did. We really care about you! Hope everything was ok.” I can’t imagine why she didn’t thank you other than maybe she wasn’t taught proper manners, lol. Whatever, that sucks. At least you know you did the right thing, though.
Post # 6
That must feel incredibly frustrating after all of the effort and money you put forth to make her day so special. She absolutely should have thanked you. Unfortunately, expressing thanks does not seem to be second nature to some individuals, and they probably have no idea how ungrateful they may be coming across to others.
Post # 7
I’m not sure I did the best job at thanking people on the spot at my bachelorette party, but I did send a thank you card to everyone a week or two later. Maybe your friend will be doing the same? If not, then I’d be a little disappointed too.
Post # 8
@maliMOH: That sucks. I would be surprised and hurt, too. However, like others said- some people just don’t think to say “thank you” or they feel awkward about things being done for them.
I have a (male) friend like that. He always mails me a thank you note. In the meantime, though, we’ll talk or email between when he received the gift & when I receive the note. I always think he either didn’t like it or didn’t get it, because to me it’s normal to thank someone immediately after receiving a gift. So while I might write a note, I would definitely SAY “thank you” the next time I communicated with them also. Maybe Bride is like that. She might be already planning her “Bridal Party gifts” and thinks that’s her big ‘thank you’ and she doesn’t have to say it otherwise.
Post # 9
I understand feeling slighted by not receiving a thank you. However, I would wait before you bring it up. I am a person who finds it very difficult to express things in person sometimes–I’m just introverted and struggle with it. However, I do send thank you notes and try to express my gratitude in other ways. I also know that the bride is probably planning to give all maids a thank-you note when the wedding arrives and wouldn’t be surprised if she thanks you then. I would just wait it out, and if she doesn’t say thanks, try to let it go. Sounds like you pulled off an awesome party though!
Post # 10
Maybe she was just caught up in the day. I wouldn’t worry about it until it’s been a few weeks and you haven’t gotten a thank you note or gift. I always try to remember to say thank you but we’re all human and make mistakes and forget. I’d always send a thank you note and gift to the host for something like that afterwards though to make sure they knew how much I appreciated it! Hope you get something soon! 🙂