(Closed) No thank you notes after 3 months– rude?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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Ilovewine:  Honestly, I’ll admit that I go through spurts of Thank You note writing. I have the box of cards, I have the list of names and addresses. I sit down about every other week and write a few more. As I do so, I also tell my husband that there are XYZ cards on his list (he hasn’t written as single one) and that we need to get them done ASAP.

Yes, it’s been 3 and a half months since the wedding.

Yes, I realize that some people expected a thank you note within a month of the wedding.

We’re grateful for our gifts. We’re getting the notes done. If people judge us, fine. They judge us. 

Post # 17
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee

We waited for our pictures to come in so we could order cards with them.  That took three months.  My work schedule is hectic so then I did as much as I could starting with family and older couples. It’s a lot to do all at once

Post # 19
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

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Ilovewine:  Yes, it’s beginning to border on rude (give it another month and I think you will be firmly in “this is very late” territory), and no, they don’t have a year to send you a note.  Do not let yourself be cowed into thinking that you are somehow being unreasonable for wanting an acknowledgment of your kindness–you were busy and had things to do when you got that gift to them in a timely fashion, and so even if they are also busy, they are not excused for their lack of timely response.

You are also well within your rights to keep this in mind when considering your future generosity toward these individuals. 

Post # 20
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Personally I find it freaking rude and would get super annoyed, but I realize that I can’t make people follow etiquette more than I can make my dogs say “please” when wanting a treat. ๐Ÿ˜› I think I’ll have to do what a PP said, just give what I feel comfortable with, then discount it completely. If the receivers appreciate it, they will show it, if not, oh well, my well-meaning gifts are just that, I give because I want to, not for a thank you card. (I know, I know, wouldn’t kill them to acknowledge the gift, right?!) And for the rest of us, we just follow what we think it’s right, send thank you cards ASAP!

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by  GrassHouse.
Post # 21
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I was married a little over month ago and my carda have not yet gone out.  Really only bc mil insisted they have our picture on them and we just got our pro pics back this week.  I ordered the cards the day we got the pro pics back (actual cards with a blank inside so that we can handwritten a note) but they still won’t be here until at least next week.  I plan on having them

all out within a week of that so I am pushing almost two months.   I can’t help the time it took for the pictures and cards to come in.  It is longer then I am wish but there are reasons.

Post # 22
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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Ilovewine:  I got married June 28 and still don’t have all my notes out.  We have had several things come up that have taken up a lot of our down time since our wedding.  They ARE important to me and I try to do as many as I can when I can.  But as someone previously commented, you never know what’s going on behind the scenes in someone’s personal life.  3 months is a long time, but I don’t think it’s so long that it’s especially rude.

  

Post # 23
Member
758 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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Ilovewine:  I should have qualified my response a little bit more – I definitely think it’s ungracious to never thank someone for a gift – especially in the instance where the person may not know whether you ever received the gift. 

And I admit to feeling a little (ok, a lot) offended that the person did not even acknowledge receiving our gift. However, I’m trying to be more understanding about timelines, etc. because I know that there can be a lot going on in someone’s life that other people don’t see.

Hubby and I have been through a lot in the (almost 3) years we have been married, including illness, death of family members, etc. So, I have been trying to be more understanding when it comes to issues like these because I think we all need reminders in life that *some* things aren’t really a big deal, and we should try not to waste energy stressing over them.  That’s really what I meant ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 24
Member
4845 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s way more rude to mention it. Give them some time. 

Post # 25
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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Ilovewine:  I don’t really feel judged by you. I do feel my guilt at not getting out my notes prompltly, but I accept that I’m always going to be a bit slower so that I can have semi-legible handwriting and really mean every note rather than running them off just to get them done.

We’ve had a couple of people enquire whether we received their gift or not (if it was a card left at the reception or shipped from the internet). One of my friends mailed us a gift certificate that she was worried didn’t make it because her group of townhomes had a huge fiasco with a mailperson who was throwing away mail, so they had a lot of issues with bills getting paid. 

I told her that I would have to check my spreadsheet to make sure. When I checked, I had received the gift & sent a thank you note. It was actually MY note that didn’t make it to HER!

 

Post # 26
Member
7603 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think it’s rude. We haven’t received a thank you from a wedding we traveled over two hours too and gave a gift at that took place last September and we also didn’t receive one that we traveled over five hours too and gave a gift at that to place on December.  My opinion on those couples definitely changed after I realized we wouldn’t be receiving a note. 

Post # 27
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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Ilovewine:  I think it’s rude but not much you can do about it. My sister in law has had 2 baby showers & didn’t send thank you cards out. I assume after her wedding, it’ll be the same. Maybe that couple is the same way & doesn’t think thank you cards are a necessary thing? Personally, I’m going to get mine done as quickly as possible once I’m back from the honeymoon.

Post # 28
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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lynnwall23:  Same. We did postcards, but needed our photos first, and then had to get them prointed, so it took us longer than I’d like (and then some got lost in the mail, sigh)

Post # 29
Member
3680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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rusticchic212:  This is not true. As a previous poster mentioned, if you want to follow “traditional etiquette,” guests have up to a year to send a gift, but the bride and the groom should sent thank you notes within three months of the wedding, preferably as soon as possible after the gift was received.

http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/167-wedding-thank-yous

“Contrary to popular myth, the happy couple does not have a year’s grace period.  All thank you notes should be written within three months of the receipt of the gift. Ideally, a response should be written on the day you receive a wedding gift.

Post # 30
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m in the middle of processing thank you’s right now for my May 24th wedding.  I ordered the thank you cards from the photog (which took time for processing), and managed to lose some addresses, so I’m searching those out again.  

Could I have gotten thank yous out earlier, yes.  I’ll have them out next week, which is a little over 3 months, but I’m not feeling particularly guilty.

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