Post # 1
I’ve seen other posts about people who are delusional about the size of the ring being equal to how much your Fiance loves you. Well, I guess my Fiance doesn’t love me at all, because I don’t even have a ring.
This has only recently become an issue since the news is slowly starting to make its way through my family and friends. The first phone call I got was from my Aunt J. She wanted to know all the details about my ring and when I told her I didn’t have one, she kind of gasped, and said, “Well then why are you engaged? You CAN’T be engaged without a ring.”
Why, yes. Yes I can. And I am. Why? Because
- Jewelry scares me. I’m worried about second guessing myself or not loving that ring forever. I rarely wear jewelry anyway, if I’m going to wear it, I want to LOVE it.
- I’m unemployed and in college. Bills that keep me in my house, the house that my Fiance will one day share as husband and wife, are more important right now.
- Fiance is at a crap job. Soon, he’ll be at another job, making between $15 and $28 bucks an hour.
- We’re paying for our wedding. I would hate to know I could never get married because we spent everything on an engagement ring. Marrying the man I love>having an engagement ring right now.
Since my experience with my aunt, I’ve had several other people comment about it. Some understand and think it’s perfectly reasonable not to have a ring right now, others look at me like I’m from another planet. Really, at first I’m stupid because I want to get married young, now I’m stupid because I don’t have a ring. And oh heavens, I don’t want a diamond?! What could possibly be wrong with me?
Really? Why are people so obsessed with this? Our engagement isn’t fake. We’re not doing it for attention, we’re just trying to be smart with our money right now. One day, I will get my engagement ring, just not right now.
Any other temporarily, or permantly, engagement ringless brides out there?
Post # 3
If I were you, I’d get one of those cheesy cocktail rings (like the ones they sell at Forever 21). The uglier, the better. Tell people that’s your engagement ring. Watch them squirm as they try to find something nice to say about your monstrosity!! Serves them right for questioning you to begin with! And you get the last laugh!
Post # 4
@BanditGirl: Haha. I hadn’t thought about that. I think I may have one from some Halloween party from a few years ago.
Post # 5
I have a ring, but I certainly don’t think anything of the fact that you don’t. I worked in events for a few years, and I gave wedding tours ALL the time to couples who weren’t wearing rings. I only noticed because I love jewelry, LOL.
Post # 6
I LOVE BanditGirl’s idea! Do it!
If you don’t want to have an e-ring, then more power to you.
Post # 7
@GreenEyedMoon: It’s not that I don’t want one eventually, it’s just not feasible at the current time. Trust me, I STILL sit on weddingbee and drool over engagement rings. I would love it if we had the money to get the ring of my dreams, but we can’t. And Fiance and I both decided that I wouldn’t get a ring until he could get me the one I wanted. He doesn’t want me to feel like I’m settling for anything. Which, I’m not too picky. I have 2 requests. Cushion, princess or radiant cut would be nice and I would prefer a gemstone or a diamond simulant. But, if he did go with a diamond, I wanted gemstone sidestones.
Post # 8
I feel you. My husband didn’t propose with a ring and said I could pick out whatever I wanted. Well we were both strapped for cash and I didn’t like the idea of buying a piece of jewlerly instead of paying the bills, and I almost had a panic attack when we went to try on a “cheap” non-diamond ring….
I didn’t tell my parents until we finally got a ring because I knew they would doubt the seriousness of the proposal or think badly about him for not shelling out 2 months pay.
But it all worked out in the end when his mom asked if I would like to wear his grandmother engament ring. I couldn’t have picked a more special ring- it fits us both perfectly.
Stick to your guns! and buy the biggest $20 CZ you can find for now 😉
(trust me though- even if you never wear jewelry, even if you just get a silver band, even if you upgrade later, you will love the ring you wear to announce the the world your engaged)
Post # 9
Fiance and I weren’t “officially” engaged before he asked my dad and got down on one knee with the ring but in reality we had been engaged for well over a year and a half. He had asked me one night to marry him and of course I said Yes. We just called it our secret engagement. I was just as happy and looking at wedding stuff w/o a ring. Some people just don’t get it. And I just don’t get them. lol
Post # 10
If you dont care for a ring.. why should it matter what anyone thinks this is between you and your guy! If you are using your money to pay for a wedding instead of a ring thats good too its more important to be married then to carry a rings for years and it never ends up happening! However in my opinion this all applies if you are in the process of planning your wedding and ready for that next step. I just think that “were engaged” “one day well get married” happens all the time and if you are not finacially able to do either of those things anytime soon. What is wrong with waiting?? Until you can trully announce it ( i mean cuz if people are finding out you are obviously telling people your engaged) i dont knw that just how i see it.
Post # 11
Many people are uncomfortable with anything that challenges the status quo – and your experiences are an example of that. If you’re brave enough to venture that way, you have to be strong enough to take the heat, because people will do most anything to justify the reasoning behind their own life choices – even if it’s something as silly as “needing” a symbolic ring to signify you are engaged.
Post # 12
No one has said anything to me. Ha ha, they will feel the blunt end of my sarcastic tongue if they do. I do remember a few years ago, a friend got engaged and didn’t have a ring. Another friend made a very rude comment behind her back, I feel bad but I said to the rude friend “Until you have a guy and get him to propose to you with or without a ring, keep your mean comments to yourself” Ouch. I apologized later though.
Post # 13
When we got engaged we bought and engraved very simple small silver bands for each other.
Aaaaaaaaand… people lost their shit.
Post # 14
I am a permanently ringless engaged bride and have been for almost one year. The reason here is simple: I don’t like jewelry and I don’t wear it. I never have, and I am not about to start now. My Fiance, family, and friends all know this about me so none of them think it’s weird. I do feel the need to explain myself to strangers or people who aren’t as familiar with me. It sort of borders on phobia though. I don’t like the touch of jewelry on my skin, and I absolutely hate to touch jewelry that’s been worn so friends know not to ask me to help clasp a necklace 🙂
A ring doesn’t make the engagement “official” in any way. At least in my opinion. Back in the day, it was customary to receive a thimble. My Fiance asked me to marry him, I said yes, and we have been planing our wedding every since!
Don’t worry too much about other people’s opinions. It just get worse (the opinions) with the wedding planning anyway, don’t let it get to you!
Post # 15
I don’t blame you one bit! I have a ring, and I love my ring, but I would NEVER blame a girl for agreeing to an engagement without a ring.
My Maid/Matron of Honor and I have discussed a similar situation recently, in fact. She isn’t big on rings, and would be just as happy with a bracelet or necklace to wear every day, but she plans to get a ring b/c of the experience one of her friends had.
Basically, this friend wanted a specific, rather expensive engagement ring. It was so expensive, in fact, that it took up the entire ring budget. She wanted it so bad that she said she was ok with just having the engagement ring, and not having a wedding band at all.
Now she gets asked CONSTANTLY when she is getting married, even though she has been married for over a year.
So, Maid/Matron of Honor is going to get an engagement ring and a wedding band, because she wants people to realize she’s married. Annoying how societal norms force themselves on us, isn’t it?
Post # 16
@kventures: I just don’t see why I have to have a ring to be taken seriously. I know that the idea is taboo for some people. We know we’re getting married. We’ve set a date, and within the next 2 months, we’re going to start booking. So we aren’t one of those couples who are announcing our engagement without the intent, or plans to get married. Of course, I may have misunderstood your comment. So forgive me if I have.