Post # 17
I was in your same shoes not too long ago. just be patient. Does he know all of the reason why you have your timeline?
I lliterally had to spell things out for my FH. And when I did it was like a light bulb went off in his head, he realized things that he never would have thought of in the first place.
About a week after that he told his best friends we were planning on getting married in about a year. And now he’s all about the planning. He gave me a promise ring but we are not officially engaged yet, but it should be coming soon because he told me to try to stop talking about it so I can be surprised when it happens. I like to ask a lot of questions about everything, so for the time being, I’m not allowed to.
It’ll happen, stay positive. i know it gets difficult at times cause you get anxious, but just stay patient.
Post # 18
@SandAndSea: How are things with you? Did you guys talk it out?
Post # 19
No timeline. We had a couple of talks, but I wasn’t sure how serious he was till he asked me.
Post # 20
We had a timeline, he made it and even told his mom about it, and it was the end of 2010. Didn’t happen. We are supposed to talk about it this weekend and make a new timeline, we have a baby timeline that we’ve even talked to doctors about, and his mom, but I won’t hold my breathe. I have confidence in our relationship and it will happen when it’s right.
Post # 21
@SandAndSea: Well he told me last July he wanted to be married within two years. And while I don’t want a looooong engagement I don’t want a rushed one either. Also when my roommate moves out I’m hoping he moves in here, and we’d talked about getting engaged before we lived together. BUT-if it came down to it, I’d rather give that one up then pay the bills for two people for who knows how long.
Post # 22
We just set a timeline of his birthday (September) so we shall see. This is the first time we have ever set a timeline and actually have looked at rings so hopefully it happens by then. I have my fingers crossed for you that it happens sooner than later for you too 🙂
Post # 23
I think sometimes on the boards, people get confused between a “timeline” and a “deadline.” (I’m not saying you are, I’m just trying to clarify ) To me, a timeline is a mutually discussed and agreed upon time frame for an engagement to happen, but a deadline is a date that one person has in their mind that their significant other MUST propose by, or all hell will break loose. Personally, I don’t agree with “deadlines” at all.
As for a timeline, he’s said by the end of this year. But I also know he’s not into “holiday” proposals, so I’m hoping for sometime in the summer. We’ll see though, a lot of things are up in the air for us right now (me applying to grad school, possibly moving, him looking for a new job) so I’m trying to stay as open-minded as possible on the timeline.. Check back in with me in a few months though and I’ll probably be pulling my hair out.
ETA: Oh, I also wanted to add that we live together already. I always wanted to live with my significant other before getting engaged, but I understand people who feel differently. For us though, I feel like it has taken some of the stress off of getting engaged. We’re able to do more couple-y things, spend more time together, remodel our house, etc, so there’s more to think about than our far-distant future. I know people have really polarizing opinions on whether or not living together delays an engagement, but in our relationship, I don’t believe that is the case.
Post # 24
@kirabee: For a long time I was INSISTENT on not living together until I was married. I did the co-habitation thing once and it ended in a very ugly way. I tend to think that it does delay an engagement, but SO assured me last night that he is not like that at ALL. He’s the opposite. He needs to feel comfortable before he takes a giant leap. Slowly but surely I’m coming around..
Post # 25
I told him that 3 years without knowing where the relationship is going is an absolute no go for me. I pressed for his timeline and he told me that he can’t give me a timeline because he doesn’t know how he’s going to go about doing it yet. He assured me that it is going to happen, that he has no doubts about it, but he just can’t assign a specific number to it. He promised that it wouldn’t be years down the road. I don’t know. For whatever reason it just calmed my nerves. I felt he was being genuine and I haven’t worried about having a number since. I can’t really explain it.
So, he maybe he’s going about this in the same way. He may know beyond a doubt he wants to marry you, but because he doesn’t have the details of how he’s going to propose nailed down he might be having trouble guesstimating how long it will take to come about. Good luck!
Post # 26
We’ve talked about timelines for getting married not so much engagement. So we’ll see I guess.
Post # 27
We never really had a definitive “timeline” so I didn’t know how to vote. He surprisingly took me into a ring store last July. I then became antsy so I will say that’s when the official waiting began. We went to another ring store in in Sept. So I was really getting anxious then knowing both our bdays and all the holidays were coming in the next 3 months. I spoke to him in code about it a few times. But 2010 ended with NOTHING. Then to top it all off he was laid off. I broke down in Jan. He then said he wanted us to be “married” by THIS year. What???!!!????!!! Silly boy…there is no way we could get engaged, save, and get married within the next 11 months with him not even having a job. But at least that gave me a bit of comfort knowing that he was definitely planning to do it some time in the near future.
He’s still not working but I set my new individual “deadline/timeline” for our 4 year anniversary which is 5 months away. It’s killing me to even think about it. I may die by then but I had to be fair since he was starting over due to the job situation. Hopefully it will happen in 3 (wishful thinking). He’s commented about working additional OT and 2 jobs to catch up (save). I can tell he know’s this is tearing me up and putting a strain on our relationship. He definitely knows the waiting sand has almost run out fo rme. I know he’s in a difficult situation now (jobless) so I try not to talk about it.
Post # 28
We had a sort of rough timeline. We had talked about marriage, and I did tell him that I’d love to get married in Spring 2011 (between graduation and starting jobs), but that really I just wanted to be engaged by February 2011. It’s a little complicated, but that was the date that we essentially had to sign up for our job search together, basing our careers on each other, and I felt more comfortable doing that if we were engaged. It wasn’t an ultimatum, but I told him that was what I wanted and he said that would be fine.
He ended up proposing in May 2010 on our two-year anniversary, which was a total surprise and left me a year to plan a May 2011 wedding. So it was perfect!
Post # 29
My SO won’t give me a real timeline which I don’t like. When he was unemployed he would say when he gets a job but he has had a job for 5 months now. He has been talking about getting married and saying how much he wants to marry me for well OVER A Year now. Back in January I actually called him out on it. As sweetly as possible I told him to take what I was saying with a grain of salt but I basically told him how he has been talking about it for so long that it’s getting to the point for me where I’m like “yeah, ok buddy” everytime he brings it up. It’s like I don’t take him seriously anymore. About a month after that he told me he had gotten his grandmothers ring out of the family’s safe deposit box so I was excited and expecting a proposal…but…nothing yet.
Post # 30
we didnt so much have a timeline for engagment we talked about getting engaged then once the money was there we went out and got that ring!
Post # 31
I didn’t really have a timeline but BF kind of walked into one this past week. I have not been good about NOT making little naggy comments about getting married. (I hate that I do it but sometimes they just pop out of my mouth, unbidden.) This past weekend I said something like: “I wouldn’t want to make it to 7 years together and still be unengaged.” and he said that it would happen before our anniversary.
Now, I’m unsure if this was an ACTUAL timeline, or if he was just placating me, but regardless I’m taking this date and using it as a way to keep my trap shut.
Our anniversary is mid-June so only 3 1/2 months to go and I’ll keep quiet until then. If it doesn’t happen by that point I think I’m going to need to force the issue. Really have an important talk about what he wants out of the relationship and if he can’t give me something concrete then it will be time for me to move on.