Post # 1
My Fiance and I haven’t found any kind of unity ceremony that really touches us, so we’re thinking we’d rather not have one at all.
Any Bees out there who had a typical Christian church wedding without any kind of unity ceremony? Did anyone comment on it? Did you find later that you wished you’d HAD one?
Post # 3
@39bride: Unity ceremonies have been popular for the last 20 years or so, but before that they weren’t really done. I’ve attended weddings that had them and weddings that didn’t. I never really thought it was odd or wrong either way.
What I think is most important is that if you have one that it’s meaningful to you. If one doesn’t strike you, then either omit a unity ceremony, create one or adapt one that would suit you. I wouldn’t think it strange.
Post # 4
It’s just what ever you want. I like the candle ceremony, because I have heard that you are suppose to light them every year on your anniversary to remind yourselves of the vows you took on your wedding day. You can have candles personalized with initials, dates, or even decorated to match your theme and colors.
Post # 5
We didn’t. I don’t really get them honestly. What we kind of did “instead” was we had both our dads give us a blessing old testament style (A la Abraham and Isaac kind of thing.) It was pretty awesome.
Post # 6
We had a church wedding and had no unity candle. No one said anything about it & I do not regret it. 🙂
Post # 7
Fiance and I are not doing a unity ceremony, but we are getting married in a Christian church. It just doesn’t suit our personalities. There was no version of it that I found that suited or personalities, and it wasn’t that big of a deal to me, so we’re skipping it.
Post # 8
A Christian wedding is, by definition, a unity ceremony.
Post # 9
@KCKnd2: I love it! Excellent point. When we discussed not having anything, we talked about how seriously we take words/oaths, and that in our minds the bond is spiritual and doesn’t need to be ritually represented in a unity ceremony. But you condensed it perfectly! Awesome–thank you so much!
And thanks to all who commented. I’m glad to know we’re not the only ones leaving it out.
Post # 10
Catholics aren’t even allowed to have unity candles. You’re not alone heh
Post # 11
@39bride: heh heh heh, yep. The redundancy is exactly why they are discouraged in Catholic weddings, and, as MrsBroccoli pointed out, sometimes actually prohibited. (It depends on where you are. In some dioceses the bishop flat-out prohibits them, and in other places the bishop leaves it up to the priests, so some parishes permit them and others don’t.)
With other Christian denominations I’m not sure how it works. I do know that unity candles and other variations on a “unity ceremony” are a pretty recent “tradition” that got started within the past few decades as secular weddings became more common. It started out as a way of including the trappings of a sacred ritual within the context of a secular framework … and then the trend spread back to Christian couples and started to get incorporated into church weddings! There’s nothing really “wrong” or harmful about including them, but a lot of Catholic clergy frown on them because a) they do fall outside of the longstanding Church traditions, and b) with a unity candle specifically, they do tend to muddle the symbolism of the candles used in the liturgy.
In the Catholic church, we use the Baptismal candle (the big pillar candle at the front) as a liturgical symbol that represents the Word of God, and Jesus Christ (see the beginning of the Gospel of John: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” The Word = Jesus = light) So if the candle in the sanctuary is supposed to represent Jesus, it becomes a little messy to then say the candle represents the couple and their new lives together. It also overlaps with the symbolism of the exchange of vows and rings (i.e. my original comment) so it’s a bit like beating a dead horse (forgive the inept metaphor)
Post # 12
Thats not true. My friend got married in a Catholic church 4 years ago and they had a Unilty candle. Thats one of the many weddings have been to in Catholic churches (In Baltimore) where they had them. Where do you live?
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
I personally think the exchange of rings is a powerful enough symbol on it’s own. I didn’t feel compelled to add to that.
Post # 14
We did the basic, simplest Presbyterian ceremony possible. No extra stuff. There’s no unity ceremony in the traditional wedding ceremony because, well, a wedding already IS a unity ceremony.
The candles and the sand and all that stufff is nice and all, but it’s very modern, and really is extra.