Post # 1
when we first got pregnant, I loved the idea of having visitors bring food and come visit after baby is born but the closer we get to our due date, the more protective I’m feeling and just want to say no visitors until like a month after birth! My parents are very overbearing and so I know it’ll be exhausting just having them around (I love them a lot, they’re just a lot to handle sometimes) and so we kind of just want it to be us. We are vegan and most people we know just don’t “get it” so any food brought unless it’s fruits and veggies probably won’t be stuff we eat so we are prepared to just decline (politely, of course). My stepmom laughed at me when I said I didn’t want visitors at least the week of and after the birth because of germs… I mean, is that crazy of me?! I don’t want our baby contracting the flu or some other illness visitors could possibly bring with them to our home. Someone tell me I’m not crazy or if i am being crazy, just tell me it’s my hormones! My husband and I are very private, independent people who aren’t very social anyway so it shouldn’t come as a surprise to most. What do you all think?
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
I’m not pregnant nor a germaphobe, but I fully intend to tell people no visitors for like a week just because I like my space. I want my husband & I to revel in the newness of parenthood & attempt to get a grasp on our new little life.
So basically, no, I don’t think you’re crazy! 😉
Post # 3
You aren’t crazy. I’m not in that stage of life yet, but the idea of people being around me right after I bring a life into the wrong freaks me out. Please let me have space for my family. let me sleep, eat, shower, cry on my terms. Not have to host.
Post # 4
It’s your baby your choice, but I would not worry so much about a date, but instead tell people you will let them know when you are ready. That gives you flexibility. Once babes were here I couldn’t wait to show them off. I also don’t think it’s reasonable for you to not leave the house for a month at all. Babe will need a doctor’s appointment if nothing else.
If your parents are a lot to handle have them stay somewhere else and set up visiting time with them. Unless your spouse also doesn’t leave for over a month germs will be brought into the house. Practice good and hygiene and ask guests to stay away if sick.
As an experienced parent I think your plan sounds like new parent anxiety and one that is unlikely to work for a full month.
Post # 5
I was actually kinda bummed we didn’t have more visitors after LO was born. (not that I wanted a lot but I thought there would’ve been a couple more). Most people that did come were very respectful of our time and didn’t stay long.
That said, do what you feel is best! If you don’t want visitors don’t have them!
Post # 6
stephanie091512 : musicluvr325 : yes, thank you! My stepmom is one who would bring her work friends with her or church friends aka people we don’t even know!! And to top it off, we have two dogs (our first babies) who are already anxious around other people and they’ll be getting used to the changes of having a baby in the house, we just want things to be as calm and simple as possible. I keep being told “you cant be rude to people, they just care” and my parents keep saying “well it’s OUR grandchild and we want people to see them” and I want to say if you had no part in physically creating this baby, it doesn’t matter what you want! My stepmom actually said to me on thanksgiving “well remember.. people aren’t going the I care about YOU and the things YOU want, they care about the baby and want to see it.” My child, my house, my rules! Or else that’s how it should be, in my opinion. Ok, whew. I’m done lol.
Post # 7
andielovesj : well of course we would leave for appointments and what not but I don’t want a bunch of germs brought into our home – the one place where we spend most of our time – if we can avoid it. I work at a daycare and fully intend on asking my coworkers not to stop by for a while because of all the germs that go around the daycare. My class just got over fifths disease and hand foot and mouth with one of my coworkers contracting it without realizing it.
Post # 8
I think you’re over reacting a little. why don’t you wait to have the baby then decide what to do.
Post # 9
My husband and I are pretty clear on having a week at home and the hospital portion being private between just the two of us when/if I am able to get pregnant. Chances are we just won’t announce when I go into labor and by the time we get home we’ll announce it and maybe plan a brunch date or something the following week for family to stop in.
All I can say is you do you. If some privacy and initial time for bonding and setting feeding habits is what you need then you make the call with your husband’s support. Definitely don’t feel unjustified.
Post # 10
I think this is completely acceptable. People should respect that you and your new family need time. I say stick to your guns. On the other hand, my fiancé’s cousin would not let anyone see her baby till they brought shot records saying they have all of their shots- now that would be considered ridiculous in my book. The grandparents went a whole month before seeing their baby because of the shot records.
Post # 11
You are not crazy and part of it is your hormones. 😉 I just had a baby a little over a month ago and here is how it went: I got discharged from the hospital on a Friday, on Sunday we were already at his parents house with 20 family members. I was in a lot of pain and it was hell. My husband just wanted to show off the baby and he just couldn’t “see it” from my point of view. A week or so later was my husband’s birthday and he wanted to throw a small get together at our house. A week after that, another get together (same people). We hosted both of those – food and all, obviously. A few days after, his nieces birthday party that, long story short, we “HAD” to attend. We were hosting my parents and another extended family member for two of those weeks.
I can honestly tell you I regret all of it and regret not setting boundaries for myself and my child. I thought that compromising with my extrovert husband meant I had to go/host. And to top it off – my newborn got a really bad cold.
If you have visitors, make sure to set expectations and boundaries in place. Have concrete plans with your partner. I didn’t and it was/is (still paying for it) nuts.
Post # 12
I feel like the grandparents should be allowed to see the baby after you come home, but I understand not wanting visitors who aren’t family. FWIW, I had family around after both of my children were born, and it was SO nice to have other people hold the baby for a bit so I could have a tiny break.
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
Your child, your body, your choice. If you don’t want visitors for a month, don’t have them. Also your step mum is WAY out of line with her comment.
Post # 14
dreamer1288 : We didn’t have visitors for a month (sometimes longer) with any of our four children. I don’t regret it or feel badly.
Post # 15
So. My SIL JUST had a baby on Thurday. She’s a needy in person in that she always needs to have people around her, but I genuinely believe her newborn, eldest son (8) and house could have benefited from some alone time. No one has brought her food so all she’s done is order take out 3x/day. Her house is a complete disaster as well. I’m not saying a new mother should or even want to clean, but with a newborn on the floor it only makes good sense to TIDY up. Also. the amount of noise and light that poor newborn is going through seems… cruel. It’s got to sound like a rock concert iwth the constant parade of people. Her eldest son has pretty much locked himself in his room because he needs room to breathe. He’s not even anti social, but he does like quiet time and will often retreat to play video games.
I will defintiely insist upon the 40 day rule (Greek tradition) when I have mine!