No visitors after baby?! Advice!

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I’m not pregnant nor a germaphobe, but I fully intend to tell people no visitors for like a week just because I like my space. I want my husband & I to revel in the newness of parenthood & attempt to get a grasp on our new little life. 

So basically, no, I don’t think you’re crazy! 😉

Post # 3
Member
2005 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

You aren’t crazy. I’m not in that stage of life yet, but the idea of people being around me right after I bring a life into the wrong freaks me out. Please let me have space for my family. let me sleep, eat, shower, cry on my terms. Not have to host. 

Post # 4
Member
3279 posts
Sugar bee

It’s your baby your choice, but I would not worry so much about a date, but instead tell people you will let them know when you are ready. That gives you flexibility.  Once babes were here I couldn’t wait to show them off. I also don’t think it’s reasonable for you to not leave the house for a month at all. Babe will need a doctor’s appointment if nothing else.  

If your parents are a lot to handle have them stay somewhere else and set up visiting time with them. Unless your spouse also doesn’t leave for over a month germs will be brought into the house. Practice good and hygiene and ask guests to stay away if sick.

As an experienced parent I think your plan sounds like new parent anxiety and one that is unlikely to work for a full month. 

Post # 5
Member
932 posts
Busy bee

I was actually kinda bummed we didn’t have more visitors after LO was born. (not that I wanted a lot but I thought there would’ve been a couple more). Most people that did come were very respectful of our time and didn’t stay long.

That said, do what you feel is best! If you don’t want visitors don’t have them!

Post # 8
Member
610 posts
Busy bee

I think you’re over reacting a little. why don’t you wait to have the baby then decide what to do.

Post # 9
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

My husband and I are pretty clear on having a week at home and the hospital portion being private between just the two of us when/if I am able to get pregnant. Chances are we just won’t announce when I go into labor and by the time we get home we’ll announce it and maybe plan a brunch date or something the following week for family to stop in.

All I can say is you do you. If some privacy and initial time for bonding and setting feeding habits is what you need then you make the call with your husband’s support. Definitely don’t feel unjustified.

Post # 10
Member
1383 posts
Bumble bee

I think this is completely acceptable. People should respect that you and your new family need time. I say stick to your guns. On the other hand, my fiancé’s cousin would not let anyone see her baby till they brought shot records saying they have all of their shots- now that would be considered ridiculous in my book. The grandparents went a whole month before seeing their baby because of the shot records.

Post # 11
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You are not crazy and part of it is your hormones. 😉 I just had a baby a little over a month ago and  here is how it went: I got discharged from the hospital on a Friday, on Sunday we were already at his parents house with 20 family members. I was in a lot of pain and it was hell. My husband just wanted to show off the baby and he just couldn’t “see it” from my point of view. A week or so later was my husband’s birthday and he wanted to throw a small get together at our house. A week after that, another get together (same people). We hosted both of those – food and all, obviously. A few days after, his nieces birthday party that, long story short, we “HAD” to attend. We were hosting my parents and another extended family member for two of those weeks.

I can honestly tell you I regret all of it and regret not setting boundaries for myself and my child. I thought that compromising with my extrovert husband meant I had to go/host. And to top it off – my newborn got a really bad cold. 

If you have visitors, make sure to set expectations and boundaries in place. Have concrete plans with your partner. I didn’t and it was/is (still paying for it) nuts. 

Post # 12
Member
7430 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I feel like the grandparents should be allowed to see the baby after you come home, but I understand not wanting visitors who aren’t family. FWIW, I had family around after both of my children were born, and it was SO nice to have other people hold the baby for a bit so I could have a tiny break.

Post # 13
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Your child, your body, your choice.  If you don’t want visitors for a month, don’t have them.  Also your step mum is WAY out of line with her comment.

Post # 14
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

dreamer1288 :  We didn’t have visitors for a month (sometimes longer) with any of our four children.  I don’t regret it or feel badly.

Post # 15
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

So. My SIL JUST had a baby on Thurday. She’s a needy in person in that she always needs to have people around her, but I genuinely believe her newborn, eldest son (8) and house could have benefited from some alone time. No one has brought her food so all she’s done is order take out 3x/day. Her house is a complete disaster as well. I’m not saying a new mother should or even want to clean, but with a newborn on the floor it only makes good sense to TIDY up. Also. the amount of noise and light that poor newborn is going through seems… cruel. It’s got to sound like a rock concert iwth the constant parade of people. Her eldest son has pretty much locked himself in his room because he needs room to breathe. He’s not even anti social, but he does like quiet time and will often retreat to play video games.

I will defintiely insist upon the 40 day rule (Greek tradition) when I have mine!

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