No wedding gift from friend, we were married 2.5 months after her wedding.

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
5564 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

She brought a gift from your registry to your shower, is that not enough? Showers aren’t customary where I am but I have seen a lot of comments here that gifts are not required at both events.

Could she also be upset that she made you a bridesmaid but you didn’t have her as one?

Post # 3
Member
28 posts
Newbee

She did bring you a gift. You want two gifts? I don’t think it works that way. I know for me, I will buy a gift off the registry or if there is no registry I give a cash gift, but I certainly don’t give two gifts – even for close friends. 

Post # 4
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I do find it odd that she did not bring a card to your wedding.  There have been weddings where I have given a gift at or around the time of the bridal shower and did not bring a gift (did bring a card) to the wedding.  This has been due to the cost of travelling to the wedding (flying, rental car, hotel stay).  I really hate the whole giving a gift at the shower and then giving another gift at the wedding. 

 

Post # 5
Member
6383 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

You did get a wedding gift from your friend.

Post # 6
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

Just out of curiousity where are you all from that have responded?

I’m from the northeast US and the standard here is to give a gift off the registry for the shower and everyone gives checks for the wedding gift —averaging at minimum $100 pp for the wedding.

Post # 8
Member
6599 posts
Bee Keeper

She got you a gift. Your WEDDING shower is a WEDDING event and a WEDDING shower is a WEDDING gift. 

Post # 10
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee

If she didn’t give you a thank you card for your gifts, she probably doesn’t know proper gift giving/receiving etiquette. I wouldn’t take it personally, she probably has no idea of her etiquette faux pas. I would just move on.

Post # 11
Member
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

baygull :  if she is the sort that believes a shower gift == no need for wedding gift, the fact you got her both probably wouldnt change her view.  she would assume you were being extra generous but, since gifts aren’t tit for tat, wouldn’t feel the need to be extra generous in return. especially if finances are tight after her extravagant wedding.

or she could be miffed she wasn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

or she is a bitch.

or she is cheap.

unfortunately you can’t really figure out what it was without really being rude, so best to assume the best of her (option 1, imo) and move on. if she is upset with you and it was an intentional slight I’m sure it’ll show up in other ways.

Post # 12
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee

Where I’m from too you give a shower gift and a wedding gift. They’re separate. A gift for each event.

Post # 13
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Like most of the other pps I’m kind of confused as to why you are dismissing the gift that she gave you at your shower. It was from your registry and it was given at a wedding event. Therefor it is a WEDDING gift. Weddings are not tit for tat. I’m sure if she was a Bridesmaid or Best Man for your wedding she would have helped throw you a shower. You chose to give a separate gift for the shower and the wedding but that’s not customary. 

Post # 14
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee

Seems to be a culture difference with respect to the shower gift vs wedding gift issue. In my circle, each is a separate event with a separate gift. Usually showers are where you buy items from registry and the wedding is usually cash or check in a card.

However, I have heard of only a shower gift or only a wedding gift despite being invited to and attending both.

I’d let this go. She got you a gift, so it’s not like she spent nothing on you. Is it worth the friendship to make an issue?

Post # 15
Member
2824 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

You spent 2k to be in her weddng? 2 dresses etc and She treats you like this? She is full of herself. I would be hurt/pissed too..

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