No wedding gift from friend, we were married 2.5 months after her wedding.

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
87 posts
Worker bee

Are you sure she did not get you a card along with some of your other relatives that didn’t give a gift? I ask this because the cards were stolen at my friends wedding from someone that was working for one of the vendors. 

Post # 18
6860 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Are you sure she just hasn’t sent her gift yet? If she’s so traditional surely she knows she has many months after the wedding to send a wedding gift. 

Stop keeping score. It never ends well. 

Post # 20
47254 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have never been invited to  wedding where I was invited to the shower, and didn’t purchase both a shower and a wedding gift.

It is the norm in this area.

Having said that, there is the possibility that she is broke, given that your wedding was ony 2.5 months after hers.

What woud I do? Nothing.

Post # 21
915 posts
Busy bee

Ummm I think you are buggin. I did not expect a second gift from guest who got me something for the shower. Yes some guest got me two gifts, but it was not the expectation. I had one aunt who purchased 4 of my 8 chinaware sets which she gave me at the shower. She easily spent $500+ and her daughter was in my wedding. I didn’t get a wedding card from her. And maybe your friend just doesn’t have the money. She just got married. 

And although she got married 2.5 months ago, she may still send you a thank you card. I know some of my friends have sent their thank you cards as Christmas cards.

Post # 22
1322 posts
Bumble bee

So let’s restate the problem here: You’re not upset that she didn’t give you a gift.

You’re upset that she did not give you TWO gifts. 

Bummer. Time to move on. 

Post # 23
2540 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Gifts aside, I think it’s very rude to attend a wedding and not bring a card.

Post # 24
1078 posts
Bumble bee

I’m really surprised at the responses. Where I am from it’s etiquette to give BOTH a shower gift and a wedding gift, if you attend both events. 

If you only plan to give in gift, only go to one event. Dont go to both and show up empty handed at one of them. 

I’d be annoyed too. I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t say anything though. But I get the disappointment. 

Post # 25
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I don’t know how it works in the US but you spend $2K cos you were her bridesmaid, you opted not to have any… So I don’t think you can really compare. And I know you gave 2 but you can’t expect everyone to do the same.

Could it be that the one present cost as much as 2? 

Is it really that important though? Like you’ve said, you’re happy just having them there. Maybe you should leave it as that and not let it affect you. Move on.

Post # 26
2417 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You are getting married to a single man, correct? You didn’t have a shower for one wedding and then marry a different guy a couple months later? Thus she already gave you a wedding gift. It seems to be in very poor taste to hold multiple gift-giving events and expect a plethora of gifts. Thank goodness it’s not the norm where I’m from. You didn’t expect her to “cover her plate”, did you?…  that’s another one of those super tacky wedding trends that needs to be done away with.

Post # 27
1780 posts
Buzzing bee

She’s a shitty person. I wouldn’t be friends with her.

Post # 28
207 posts
Helper bee

baygull :   From what you have said it isn’t really about getting a gift from her, you just wanted the same level of involvement. Maybe she thought because everything was so casual and relaxed that you didn’t want a wedding gift? Since you said she isn’t acting different in other ways I would lean more towards you and her having different expectations. 

Post # 29
10 posts

I’m not really sure why some people get so worked up over this subject. I get that maybe its not what is done in your area but its a pretty well known fact that it is done in many areas . Why is that so hard to accept? Where I am from a bridal shower and a wedding are considered two seperate gift giving events. 

Anyways, I would be upset too. Not about the lack of gift (as you said) but by the lack of acknowledgement. 

Post # 30
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

She might be of the mindset of “cover your plate,” so since your wedding was simpler, maybe she didn’t feel the need to get you two different gifts. One of my friends had a super fancy wedding and was getting much more in gifts than I did when I had a simpler wedding. 

You mentioned that many of your other guests didn’t get you any gifts at all, which you were ok with. Did you send any kind of signal that you weren’t hungry for gifts? Could that be a factor? 

It was your choice to spend so much to be her bridesmaid. It is what it is. I would save yourself the drama and let it go. 


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