No Wedding Party… opinions???

posted 6 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I don’t have a wedding party, and I love not having that drama or stress! However I am having a very small wedding (18 guests). 

Post # 3
Member
4471 posts
Honey bee

Lots of people don’t have wedding parties.

The reality is no one else really cares that much what you do .  It’s a one day party and no one is there to watch your former best friend from high school walk down an aisle and stand off to the side – they are there to watch the bride(s)/groom(s) get married.

Have one.  Don’t have one.  It’s up to you and what you personally want.  Having a party incurs extra expenses and coordination on you, however, so keep that in mind.

As for photos – the purpose of a wedding party (or wedding in general) isn’t so you have a specific kind of photo.  It’s not a play requiring actors to fill roles.  You either have people you want to honor in those roles, or you don’t.  You either want to have the added expenses and coordination involved with having more people involved or you don’t.  If your day has a wedding party, then great.  If it doesn’t, then also great.  Your photos are a reflection of what happens on that day.  As long as your day is happy, your photos will be great and that happiness will be reflected in your photos.  If you think you can’t be happy without having a wedding party, then have one.  Also, remember, that just because they aren’t in your wedding party doesn’t mean you can’t ask your photographer to get photos with you and your friends.

ETA:  Also, sides don’t have to be even.  It’s ok for you to want people on your side – he isn’t required to have anyone on his side if he doesn’t want to just because you have people on yours.

Post # 4
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME

We aren’t having a wedding party because all my friends that I invited would have been in it! We’re doing a small 40-ish person ceremony, so it made sense to not have any than to try to cut off at a reasonable number. 

Just do what feels right for you! You can still have your closest girlfriends get ready with you and be there for you.  Plus it’s cheaper for them anyways and they can wear what they want! 

Post # 5
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

We aren’t having a wedding party. There’s enough to worry about that day without trying to track & manage a bunch of bridesmaids and groomsmen!

Post # 6
Member
1005 posts
Bumble bee

Instead of a bridal party’s, I’ve been considering a luncheon the day of with the women who would have been bridesmaids could I have chosen them all (there will probably be 7 or 8), and they can get ready with me. If they let me know in advance and want to pay for their own hair or makeup, I will make arrangements. If not, they have literally no obligation other than to let me pay for their lunch and hang out with me for a couple hours while I get ready. 😊

Post # 7
Member
919 posts
Busy bee

I had a bad experience with my wedding party (after the wedding was over) for my first marriage, so I didn’t want one this time. Darling Husband also didn’t want one. Honestly, it was a great decision and I don’t regret it for a moment. There would have been too much drama as far as who thought they should be in the party vs who I would’ve wanted, organizing things, etc… It saved money and headaches. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything. I highly recommend not having a wedding party if you are so inclined. 

ETA: yes, there were still hurt feelings, but they were from someone who would not have been in the wedding party anyway, so the hurt feelings were lessened since no one was in the wedding party and that person didn’t feel singled out. 

Post # 8
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - Mountains

We’re not have a wedding party other than a flower girl- best decision ever. No fuss, no drama.

Post # 9
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I’m not having one for the same reasons you listed. It’s so much easier and one less thing I have to plan/worry about! We also aren’t having a traditional wedding, so we can kind of make up the rules as we go along.

My close friends were totally fine with it (as far as I know). They get to wear whatever they want and just show up and enjoy the day. I did find ways to incorporate my 3 closest ladies: my sister is one of the witnesses, my one friend is doing a reading at the ceremony (she asked if she could), and my other friend (who is an amazing public speaker) will be our M.C.

The only person who complained about us not having a wedding party was actually one of my FH’s friends! (because my FH was in his wedding party). I told him that he could plan the guys’ night/bachelor party and he was happy with that.

I guess it depends on how you want your wedding to “look” and if you want wedding party pictures.

Post # 10
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

I’m also not having a wedding party and it’s great so far (not married yet). The only thing that’s a minor annoyance is people questioning me when I tell them. My mom said, “But you have to have a wedding party! Isn’t there even one person you want to stand up with you?” and I was like, “nope.” Some other people have also asked follow up questions when I told them, like they were in disbelief. I don’t know why this is so weird to them. 

But really, I don’t want to have to pick and rank my friends. I also don’t want to put them through the stress of finding an expensive dress and being on display. I’d rather have them wear what they want, sit back, relax, and enjoy the celebration. 

I did have a close friend who said if I really wanted her to she would be in my bridal party, but that she was relieved that I wasn’t having one. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

LoDrum90 :  Honestly I wish I hadn’t had a bridal party, it’s a hassle to coordinate and sometimes there’s drama. If you don’t want a bridal party, you probably won’t regret it if you don’t! If anything you could just have a maid of honor to help you with planning, a best friend you really want up there with you. 

Post # 12
Member
2404 posts
Buzzing bee

We opted to not have a wedding party (with the exception of my niece whose heart would have been broken if she didn’t get to be a flower girl), and it’s been wonderful not having that extra stress! 

Post # 13
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

LoDrum90 :  I didn’t want a wedding party because of many reasons 1) less drama 2) less planning 3) less expensive 4) the people I feel close enough to stand next to me are not in the same state / country.

We did end up going with just the best man and Maid/Matron of Honor because I wanted someone to hold my bouquet during the ceremony and FH wanted someone by his side and to also hand over the rings. It makes it a lot easier having just one of each in terms of coordination. I just told my Maid/Matron of Honor to pick a dress somewhat close to the wedding theme, FH told the best man to rent any suit, and we bought them a matching boutonniere and a corsage. We aren’t doing any pre-wedding activities except a rehearsal dinner. 

Post # 14
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

I didn’t have one, about 130 guest wedding. Zero regrets. It would have caused unnecessary issues with my husband’s female family members and I couldn’t pick just a few friends. Don’t regret not having the photos, but I dislike staged / posed photos anyway. My photog got great candids of some of my best friends when they came to help me get ready. Also it saves $$!

Post # 15
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Anything to avoid THE DRAMA. I am having a fab stress free wedding planning experience and I highly recommend it! 

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