Post # 1
Apparently, it is only ok for my SO to bring up wedding/engagment/rings. I have tried to completely stop bringing up the topic but it happens from time to time. I recently joined Pinterest and love it!! While browsing the site I noticed some very cute DIY christmas cards and then i stumbled across wedding invitations and wedding stuff.
I jokingly said to my SO “oh this stuff on here is so cute…you need to hurry things up so i can start planning”
He laughed it off, and then i asked him if it bothered him that if I looked at wedding stuff. He said ‘ No, Why would it”
I laughed and said “oh, so i can look at stuff as long as i don’t talk to you about it..haha”
He responded with ” Yep. I don’t want to hear about it until you have a ring on your finger”
Men!! So we have agreed that we are getting married, will be getting engaged soon, picked out the ering, set a general timeline, but I can’t talk about it….That cracks me up!! Does he think I will forget about it or that it will be more of a surprise if I don’t bring it up?
After that conversation, I was confused. After dinner he asked what i had on my mind, so i told him i just wish he would give me solid information instead of messing with my mind all the time. All he would say was that I would be the last to know…geez, i don’t want everyone around me knowing what is going to happen before I do. Of course his response was “isn’t that the point?”
I am simply an impatient person struggling to be patient on a daily basis…haha
Does anyone else have a SO that doesn’t want to discuss wedding/engagement until after its official?
Post # 3
“Isn’t that the point?” No, that isn’t the point. The point is two people planning to spend the rest of their lives together, not one waiting on the other indefinitely without having any idea of what is going on in his head or say so in the process. I wish we could teach a class to these men!
Post # 4
That is kind of what i told him. The actual details of the proposal and keeping it a secret is only thing in our lives that he has never let me have any input. I’ve read posts on here saying that we should let the men have their moment. I am trying really hard, i just hate not knowing details 🙂
Post # 5
@future.mrs.c: I also don’t like the idea of topics being “off limits” in a relationship. I hate the fact that I can’t mention anything related to marriage or engagement right now. I feel like I should be able to talk about what is on my mind. Maybe I wouldn’t be so bothered by the whole process if I didn’t have to keep my feelings bottled up inside. I really think this whole “surprise” thing has gotten out of hand and that men are not focused on what this is really about. I read an article about the history of a surprise proposal. It seems that back then, people dated for much shorter periods of time and it was a foregone conclusion that if you were dating someone near the end of high school, you were getting married to that person. So I guess men could afford to surprise their girl friends. But now with people living together indefinitely and dating for years and years before marriage, I don’t think the surprise proposal has as much of a place. I am not saying I need to know exact details of when and how he is going to propose. But to not know if is going to happen in 2011, 2012, or even 2013 is cruel to me. I should be included in the planning of my life. Sorry, bad waiting day for me! 🙂
Post # 6
@future.mrs.c: Yep. But we do talk about the future. The important stuff. Like housing, schooling for our kids, and how we’ll sort out money. Those things are exciting too. My head’s full of wedding stuff.
Post # 7
My SO is the same way. Once we initially discussed our plans it became an off limits topic. Not to say I don’t bring it up lol. He won’t comment though. He has said that he doesn’t want to talk about the details until we’re engaged. Same as your SO I guess. He said it takes the fun out of it. I guess I get it…I mean we know it’s coming and if we plan together out loud then it kind of defeats the purpose of the fun proposal…(if I must see it from his point) haha….My SO wouldn’t tell anyone else about it though. I’m not huge on tradition so I don’t know that my father would even know before me. They’re both ok with either way lol.
Post # 8
Your not allowed to talk about marriage and engagements with your SO? That seems a bit harsh, even though I try and refrain, I know that anything I do say about those topics with my SO would at least be listened to, discussed in a mature way.
Are you certain he is comfortable getting married, it’s just many guys can say they are in the beginning, but then shy away when the time actually comes to it. For example my friends have been dating 6 years now. She is getting her hopes up for marriage soon, while he has flat out told me he is not the marrying kind (I know dilemma right? I like them both! Argh!) so what does he do to delay the marriage conversation? He refuses to discuss it with her, which is making her upset, and I can’t say I blame her.
I’m sure you and your SO are on the same page, but rather you have reached the point where it’s brought up all the time, perhaps a break from it will make you both more enthusiastic and positive about it in future conversations. Good luck 🙂
Post # 9
On the one hand, I could see him worrying that he won’t hear the end of it when it really does come down to wedding planning, so he’s trying to hold it off so he’s not sick of it before it even starts. My Boyfriend or Best Friend expressed something similar, so I try to hold off talking about actual wedding details.
On the other hand, I agree with PPs that being the last one to know isn’t “the point”. The point is him asking you (either genuinly or for formality’s sake, if you’ve already discussed it) to spend the rest of your lives together, and then (if you choose) making that decision public. I’d let him know that while you understand some parties need to be told before you (ie your dad if he’s going to ask permission, possibly his parents as well), he doesn’t need to tell other family, friends and etc as well!
Post # 10
I’m in the same situation. We picked out “the” ring, talked dates and general ideas and then that was it. He told me I would be getting thering, but ye where and how was up to him and he didn’t want to hear about it anymore. He wasn’t mean about it, but it’s annoying that we both know it’s coming soon and yet we can’t discuss it. I think he wants it far from my mind so when I do get it, it’s a complete surprise.
Post # 11
My SO is open to talking about it. I do not have a ring yet either, but we have looked at rings and we talk at lenght (from time to time) about wedding details. When I need reassurance that the propsal is going to happen and when (yes, I too am VERY impatient) he tells me to relax and that he is going to marry me.
I can see that if its a subject brought up very frequently then your SO may tell you to stop talking about it. Its just so dang hard!!! Hang in there, I know how you feel and I certainly do not think its a problem or a big deal that he wants the conversation to be off limits until he pops the question.
Post # 12
Thank you for sharing your stories. We are def on the same page planning to get married and engaged soon. He loves to bring up the topic with random comments but never getting too detailed as to when and how. He gave me a timeline of a couple months.
I really think his intentions to keep us from talking about it at length is so it will be a surprise. He has mentioned several times before that it will be such a surprise. He is very traditional and I think he wants to save the wedding planning/talk for us to enjoy AFTER the proposal. Then we can both be exctied together once its official. I think he believes that if we talk about it too much now it will take away from the excitement later.
I don’t think he would tell a lot of people prior to proposing other than the parents, inless of course he sets up some surprise where family and friends are involved.
I agree with Future_Ms.Bostonceltics post “I think he wants it far from my mind so when I do get it, it’s a complete surprise.”