Post # 1
I have been at my job for 3 years yesterday and I feel pathetic to admit, but I have no work friends. I’m not talking a BFF or someone to hang out with after work. I’m talking nobody acknowledges me. It’s not unusual to almost go a week without anyone talking to me about non-work. Not even a “Hello”.
I knew when I took this job that it was cliquey and had a reputation as unfriendly. I was desperate and I couldn’t seriously pass on a job for something as stupid as this.
The first year I figured I was still newish and there was only one other person in my department, and no after three years he still doesn’t talk to me. It’s odd.
Second year I put myself out there and made an effort. I said “Hi” to everyone in the hallway or lunch room. I’d chat with people at their desks. Then it became glaringly obvious that I was the one making all the effort. I’d see / hear them talking to other people at their desks, but never mine.
This shouldn’t bug me but it totally does. I’ve often wondered if “I’m the weird girl” in the office. I’ve questioned why people go out of their way to not talk to me. Seriously, I’m normal! I wear deodorant and look like an average 30 year old girl. I had friends at my old job! Heck, I still get drinks with them occasionally.
There is one chick that’s ‘office popular’ and I get the feeling she despises me. Why? No idea. I’ve gone into the break room and whoever she’s talking to would stop midsentence and stare at me. You can feel the air sucked out of the room. Then when I left I’d hear them continue talking. And no it wasn’t about me or anything I felt needed the subject changed.
I have looked for another job, but no luck. I know I should just suck it up and pretend like this doesn’t bug me. You can’t go to HR over something like this? Can you?
I’m at the point that I really don’t want to try to be their work friends because they clearly aren’t interested and honestly don’t deserve my friendship.
Thanks for listening to me vent.
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
I really think you should have probably made the extra effort your first year there, but what’s done is done. If you’re happy otherwise, I don’t think work friends are necessary, especially if you have a healthy outlet outside of work!
Post # 3
This doesnt sound like harrassment and going to HR to demand they befriend you will most certainly backfire. Its sucks but not much you can do. Candy on the desk helps start personal conversation. Its small but it gives cause for people to stop and acknowledge you atleast.
Post # 4
I have very little desire to speak to my coworkers about my personal life. I’ll make small talk here and there but, I have friends outside of work. I like to keep both lives seperate….
I don’t really know how you’re supposed to rectify this at this point, just be polite to your coworkers and get over it? This is not an HR issue and at the end of the day, work is work. Not a party.
Post # 5
Is it because of your job title? if you are an internal auditor, I can see why they are not talking much to you. Idk, im just guessing. But if you are unhappy at work, try to find another job. It sucks not to have a social life at work.
Post # 6
I think every work place has a few groups of people who talk to each other regularly. I’m not ‘friends’ outside of work with anyone I work with, but I’m a talker and manage to have a conversation with just about everyone. If you’re comfortable with it, just start talking to people. If they think you’re the weird girl who never talks now, then you’ll just be the girl that talks to everyone. At this point I don’t think you have much to loose?? As for the ‘popular’ one… Haha popularity ended in high school. She just has insecurities 🙂
Post # 7
Count yourself blessed. Really. the drama’s that I’ve seen played out in offices between “friendships” so not worth it. This is absolutely not an HR issue. “People don’t like me, or don’t talk to me” Really? No.
Post # 8
I don’t think it’s my title. I’m not a manager or anything.
I’ve talked to traveling managers and they’ve confided in me that my office is ‘weird’. I guess our other branches always warn people who visit we’re non too friendly.
I try to have a sense of humor about it questioning my friends, “Am I weird? You can tell me if I’m weird.”
It is very high school here. That’s the only way to explain it.
Post # 9
For the record I would not seriously go to HR
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2016 - Laguna Beach
Ahhhh we are having the same experience! I’ve been at my office for almost a year, and most days, I will not talk to anyone face to face. No one acknowledges me, ever. I’ve tried different tactics, but it’s just the weirdest thing. Literally, I will walk into the kitchen and say ‘hello’ to someone making coffee and they will look at me, maaaaybe smile, then look away. I will walk down a hallway and pass someone, they look away. I’m not the most outgoing person ever, but I’m friendly. I just don’t get it.
The only consolation I have is that no one is friendly to anyone else. So it’s not like everyone else is friends. It’s just a company of the most un-friendly people ever.
It is just not in my nature to straight up ignore someone. So I keep saying my hellos and whatever, feeling lame all day.
I’m sorry, bee! It is a very lonely thing. No one at my work knows I even got engaged! I love my job, but I’m looking for another one. I hope you find something better soon as well!
Post # 11
tiki429: If its so high school, why are you so concerned?
A lot of people don’t mix their personal and professional lives. Not being besties with your coworkers doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.. Just as not being part of the cool clique in high school doesn’t mean you’re not cool.
Post # 12
bklynbridetobe: I agree. Trust me, OP. I’m in management where I work and OMG. Some of the drama that goes on between employees, that I have to help rectify is BEYOND frustrating and childish. Sometimes I feel like I’m in preschool. Count yourself very blessed.
Post # 13
The way I look at it is work is work your not there to hang out with friends, that being said not even saying hello to you is pretty rude IMO.
Post # 14
GabBee: You know what’s up. We had a girl that got engaged at our office and the ‘office popular’ was saying awful things in the women’s bathroom. Like, she was trying to rally for no one to say congrats. Who does that? I was just doing my business going OMG. So being the rebel I am I made sure to message the girl congrats and you could tell she really appreciated it.
Post # 15
I feel your pain!! I have been at my job for 10 years and work with manipulative, brown nosing b**ches!!
One day they’re your friend and the next they try to sabotage you. I have cried an ocean of tears and had many panic attacks before finally learning to mentally block them out and to focus on work. I know it’s hard though,….hang in there and don’t give a f**k about them