Post # 1
Okay, my sister is engaged (on and off) to and has a baby with a guy that less the suitable for her or for fatherhood, lets say. SHe knows (as does he) we don’t like him even though we tired super hard to accept him, hung out, did all these things with him, and the he cuts and run when my sis gets preghnant and is a major jerk face….even now, I’m trying to be nice for her sake..blah blah blah…
Well today I got a myspace comment from my sis saying "So and So is a little upset he’s not part of the wedding party" and thats it.
You don’t get into the wedding party by default – just because you date my sister doens’t make you a groomsmen.
My normally understanding sister seems to also be a bit upset and I can handle talking to her about it but I know whatever she says to him will cause an argument because he’s so stubbon and rude. He’ll just yell at her I’m sure….stupid huh?
Should I ignore her comment and see if she brings it up again, tell her what I think knowing she’ll pass it on to jerk head and they will fight (which I don’t want for her) or should I try to tell him something myself?
Post # 3
I think you need to tell him yourself but tell him while your sister is in front of him. That way she can’t say, "omg, my sister is such a brat she said…" if you tell her to tell him or if you just tell him and he says, "so your sister called me and…" There is no chance to misinterpret if you do it in person with both of them. Will you see them at a family dinner or something? I would just mention casually that you are so excited that he is coming to your wedding and will be there to witness your special day and maybe ask him if he would mind being an usher or giving him some small task that he can’t mess up like making sure the baby is at a certain place for a picture and in a certain outfit. If you don’t want to give him any responsibility period (which I can understand from your post), just be honest and say that it is nothing personal and that you are so happy he will be there to support your sister or something…. Sorry I hope that helps. I would be direct and as honest as you can without being straight up rude of course. Nip it in the bud now.
Post # 4
I’d say, since she’s your sister- talk to her. tell her that you and your groom chose the people you feel closest too.
Maybe her boyfriend can be like an usher or something if you are having a large wedding?
Post # 5
Ya know. You’re sister has chosen to be with him. If they get in a fight over this – that’s not your problem. I know you want to protect her – but maybe the more she sees his true colors – the sooner she’ll wake up 🙂
I think both are an option. Talking to her and/or talking to him in front of her. You have a solid reason. "Being in the wedding party isn’t a given. We choose people we are close with and we don’t feel with have that kind of relationship with you. I’m sorry if your upset by this, but that’s our decision – and we’ve made it" Done.
(I wouldn’t throw in any low blows ‘like we didn’t know if you’d still be in the picture then (or around)’ – even though you may want too! Just keep it simple)
Kinda sounds like he’s the type just looking for a reason to stir up the pot. Maybe your sis doesn’t care – but he’s putting pressure on her. Just nip this in the butt before it gets out of control.
How passive agressive for your sister to post this as a myspace comment! Def don’t respond in the same way. Talk to them in person!