- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Im sorry this is long. I just have to get this off my chest.
A number of months ago, I wrote this post:http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/two-dads-fight-with-mom-drama-long-sorry#axzz2fRjDt9th
This is an update. I talked to my stepdad and he has no interest in walking me down the aisle with my dad. He does not want to share. I guess I understand. There is a lot of bad blood there. But he basically said that I had to choose, which didn’t make me feel very good. So, after that conversation, I went back to my original plan of having my mom walk me, and perhaps having my 2 dads towards the end of the aisle so I can give them both a hug. Ok fine.
Cut to last night. After a good evening of planning and getting things done, my mom pulls me upstairs into their bedroom and tells me that I have to ask my step dad to walk me. And then we basically had the same conversation that we had on the train months ago, but more impassioned. She also made it clear in the conversation that she does not want to walk me. “I want my moment too. I want to walk down the aisle and then turn and watch you walk down. What about me?”
I understand where they are both coming from (even though they think I don’t) but they do not understand my feelings. Neither of them are children of divorce, and they just don’t understand how impossible of a situation this is for me. My mom and my step dad raised me well- I had a good upbringing, but I was constantly made to feel guilty about wanting ANY sort of relationship with my dad and my half brother and sister. It hasn’t occurred to me once to choose between these two men on my wedding day. And they don’t understand why I feel that way and I am now being made the bad guy. (I can’t imagine my dad sitting there in the church watching my step dad giving me away and not having ANY part of it. Isn’t that just a big public “F-you” to him? And unnecessarily mean? I have no intention of cutting him out of my life like that.)
So. I can’t have my dad walk me down because he doesn’t deserve that honor by himself. But he also doesn’t deserve to be ignored. My stepdad refuses to share the moment. And my mom says she will not walk me either.
So where does that leave me? Broken hearted and feeling abandoned by my family. I went home last night and cried for an hour, because I just don’t know how this ends. I feel like SOME sort of compromise needs to be made, but no one is willing to.
I got an e-mail from my step dad last night, after my mom told him about the conversation we had. He reiterated to me that he has no interest in walking down with my dad. He said this is not the time to try to be a “big happy family”.
I’m not trying to be a big happy family. All I want is for people to put aside things for TWO MINUTES of the day so I can have the support I need from my family on the most important day of my life.
Apparently that is too much to ask.