(Closed) Nobody wanted to do it.. and now I feel selfish for having one!

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
47 posts

You shouldn’t be angry at your mom. 

The tradition is tha the BMs throw the shower.  Luckily for me (being a bm/moh currently and before), the tradition has changed so that someone in the family throws the shower, so it can be a nice, lavish affair that the bride would really enjoy. 

However, tradition is tradition. If your mom wasn’t willing to pay originally, your BMs should have sucked it up and done something that WAS within their budget.  My friend threw her friend a bridal shower and all the BMs pitched in about $150-200 each and threw the shower.  It was small, but you do what you can for the bride, since it IS your responsibility as the Bridesmaid or Best Man..

I just hope that when you discussed it with everyone, you made sure to tell the Bridesmaid or Best Man that all you wanted was something that was well within their budget and that throwing you the shower is your shower gift from them and that you definitely do not expect anything else from them! 

Post # 4
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Please don’t feel bad! You should feel like the guest of honor because that is what you are.  For the most part all of my bridal party and most of my friends have been supportive of me, and maybe it is because my bridal party is made up of all family and they have been waiting a long time to see me and my Fiance get married.  But as the bride, you are entitled to be celebrated this one time because you will only get one marriage and birthdays and other things will come every year hopefully.  A couple of my friends have disappointed me, but it’s mainly the single ones that are probably tired of seeing everyone get married and their bitterness and stinginess is of no concern to me.  Enjoy your celebrations and don’t worry about the drama!!

Post # 5
47 posts

I agree about not feeling bad.  This is YOUR time.  And when it comes time for your friends, just remember how they treated you and return the favor.  🙂

Post # 7
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t think you should feel bad at all, and, TBH, it sounds like your mom was being very unkind. I don’t think traditions should ever be absolutes, especially not to the detriment of the bride. It’s great that your BMs have put this together for you, and I agree with PP. You should definitely make it clear that you want them to stay within their budget. If the shower is important to you (and I don’t think that’s wrong) and you’re worried about their finances, you could offer to contribute behind the scenes. I know that’s not traditional, but no one has to know.

Post # 8
47 posts

@flyaway:  I’m my friend’s Maid/Matron of Honor.  I’m responsible for planning the entire event, but not paying for it.  Since my friend and her mom are paying for it, I’m running everything by the bride and letting her make the final decisions, but I will be planning it all so that she can just come as a “guest.”  I wouldn’t be able to afford the type of shower she wants, so I will help out by DIYing almost everything to keep down costs as much as I can for them. 

I think it’s great that they’ve come to a compromise and are splitting it and working together.  Don’t be upset or feel bad about anything.  Every bride should get and deserves a bridal shower. It is a financial burden on people, so I can understand people trying to “pass the buck” so to speak, but I’m glad it’s been worked out and that they’re working on it together.  Just go, have fun and be thankful for what they’ve done and show your gratitude in any special way you can think of after it’s all over.  🙂

Post # 9
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Woodstock:  I recently had this SAME conversation!! I still have no idea who would be throwing mine, so I’ve sort of ignored the situation recently, but it will have to be brought up again some day, and I’m not looking forward to it!!

The topic ‘Nobody wanted to do it.. and now I feel selfish for having one!’ is closed to new replies.

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