(Closed) Nobody’s throwing me a shower… is it okay if my mom throws one?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It doesnt matter who does it i tink its gr8 your mom wants to do it.. go on and have sum fun….

Post # 4
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@SimplyChic11:

Yeah still invite them.. whether they come or not atleast you invited them (the ball will be in their court)

Post # 5
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I love the fact that your mother wants to do this for you. It is perfectly fine for her to help you guys! Of course invite them…. maybe it will shake their brains to start stepping up!

Post # 6
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Mz Izzie: agreed

My mom and fi threw mine and at first I thought it was such a stupid idea, but when all was said and done, it was an amazing time! Fi’s family came down and helped my mom out. 

Post # 8
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’ve always thought the rule that family can’t throw the bride a shower was really dumb. Because even if they aren’t the ‘host’ they are usually the person organizing the shower anyway, it just makes the most sense. So i say go with it and enjoy your shower!!

Post # 9
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Do you have a Maid/Matron of Honor or any bridesmaids?  While I think it’s great that your mother has offered, if there is ANY other female that can host, it will be more etiquettely appropriate.  Some view a shower thrown by the mother of the bride as a gift grab.

I would mention the shower to your Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs and see if they’d like to help host, or have your mom contact them.  You could still have it at your mom’s house and she could help, but I think it would look better if it were hosted by someone other than your mom.  Do you have any aunts?  Cousins?

FWIW, your wedding is still a few months away and maybe nobody else has even thought about it.  I had to nudge my BM’s for my bachelorette party because my 11-year old daughter is my Maid/Matron of Honor and they all were happy to host once I mentioned it.

Post # 10
Member
46416 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Obviously practices vary across the country, but I was taught that the bride’s immediate family does not host a shower. It appears too much as a gift grab, even though the purpose of a shower is to give gifts.

Can your mom not ask someone else close to your family to be the quasi host, but the shower still happens in your mom’s home? and she is still involved in the planning to take the burden from the other person?

Post # 12
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@julies1949: I think that’s a good solution too.

ETA — if the BMs are all college students, and there is no other close family, then let your mom do it. Yes, it’s against etiquette but in this case, there’s a reason for your mom throwing it.

Post # 14
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If you do have your mom host it, I would definitely include your FI’s family – no reason to exclude them.

Post # 15
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

The rule against having your family host seems to vary by region here in the South it was a big deal when I mentioned that my step mom would be throwing me a shower but back home in the Midwest no one even batted an eye and I have been to a few showers hosted by the mother and her family. I say go for it and include your FI’s family too!

Post # 16
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

of course its fine if your mom throws the shower! that rule is so outdated and silly anyway. i think i have been to more showers hosted by the brides mom than anything else….and i also think you def invite your future in laws.

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