Post # 1
hello, my boyfriend…well, fiancé!…recently proposed and we haven’t really started planning anything, other than talking about a date that is important to him and his family. I was raised Catholic and am baptized and confirmed in my parents church. I moved a couple hours away (years ago, not recently) and sadly stopped attending mass for a couple of years now. My fiancé has never regularly attended any kind of church but considers himself a Christian by belief. He’s not baptized. Before getting engaged we had discussed starting to attend church, and he is open to attending a Catholic church with me. I found a church I’d like to try but we haven’t gone yet, will be this weekend, but I am nervous about approaching them regarding marriage because I don’t want them to think that I just joined to get married there. I also am nervous because I am technically a non practicing Catholic and he is not baptized. Will it be difficult to get approved to marry at this church even though we haven’t been attending it? The date we discussed isn’t until May 2017.
Post # 2
A Catholic church probably won’t marry you unless your fiancé becomes a Catholic (gets baptised at least) which will require months of “Catholic classes” etc. May next year may not be very realistic, the Catholic Church are real sticklers for ‘tradition’ – oh and if you live together they wouldn’t be happy with that either.
Have a really long think about if you want to get married at a Catholic Church or you are so because you think you should.
Good luck and congratulations on your engagement!
Post # 3
I think you need to talk to the church you want to get married in to find out what you need to do. In my own experience, and from reading Wedding Bee, nobody but the those at the actual church really know what is required.
Post # 4
thank you! I do want to get married in the Catholic Church, and not because I think I am supposed to. I fell away from going to mass regularly as a young adult, but still believe in the teachings of the church and identify myself as a Catholic. I know that being Catholic means going to mass and receiving the Eucharist and this is something I truly am making an effort toward. Unfortunately I allowed the excuse of my work schedule to get in the way of going to mass and somehow church just got lost in the chaos of life. I want my marriage to be recognized by the church and also for my children to be raised in the church. My fiancé is also ok with this. anyway thank you again for your response!
thank you for replying, I do plan to talk to them I just was feeling anxious and thought I’d post here to get some feedback or some stories from those with similar situations, as it is the middle of the night and I can’t realistically talk to the church right now 😄
Post # 5
This is simply not true. You can marry an atheist in catholic church. They just need to sign some form that says they will not intrude with the other person religion and thet their children will be raised catholic. My husband parents did that.
And getting babtised does not require months of classes. It is often quite staightforward. He will have to learn something, attend some masses, whatever. Definitely something that can be done when preparing for a wedding.
When it comes to getting married in a church when you don’t attend etc. It shouldn’t be a big deal either. Say you want to take your engagment as an opportunity to get closer to God.
I got married few weeks ago in catholic church. I didn’t even pretend to be into going to masses. As I don’t. I don’t like going to church much. It was no problem.
Really, there are so many non-practicing Catholics out there that churches can be so picky.
If by any chances the church gives you hard time, just go to a different one. The rules vary greatly. Some priest are not nice people etc.
For example, my and my husband both don’t have confirmation! Which is a big deal. In one church the priest insisted we get one before the wedding ( which again is not that complicated, except there are only few times a year when you can do it close to where I live). But in the other churce where we ended up getting married, it was enough of us to promise we will get coonfirmation after the wedding.
Catholic churches are sticker than many other churches. But they are not delusional. They should welcome you that you actually do intend to start goint to masses etc.
Post # 6
Realistically it depends on the church and priest. What they say goes and some will agree to marrying a non-Catholic as long as you agree to raise your future children Catholic I believe and some might say no. I don’t think I’ve actually seen a Catholic wedding between a Catholic and a non-Catholic though….
Post # 7
Actually I just remembered that my sister and her husband did it too. He was a die hard atheist with no intrest of ever doing anything church related with my sister. But they married with no problem. And that was quite a few years ago when church was much stricker.
The final thing to remember that more rules in catholic church are not actual LAWS. The priests have quite a lot of freedom to interpret those rules and they can be as helpful or difficult as they want to.
Post # 8
I agree with Wedbee0904.. It definitely depends on the priest and church.. My priest, I suppose you can say is not strict at all.. There is a pre marriage class you attend before they marry you. He is also very open to couples living together before marriage. I lived with my bf before we got married and my two brothers lived with their SO before marriage. Marrying someone who is non Catholic, also not a deal breaker. My Priest, his grandparents are both different religion to each other (his grandma, Buddhist and his grandfather, Catholic).. My sis in law is Buddhist, and my parents were worried they weren’t able to marry in the Catholic Church. Our priest pretty much said, its better for her to keep her own religion instead of forcing on a religion that she does not believe in. I’ve attended many Catholic weddings where one is a non Catholic.. Maybe coz it’s where I’m from.. I’m from Sydney, Australia and honestly, I haven’t heard of any problems regarding your situation.. Plenty of my family members marry at different churches then the one they attend. Don’t be nervous, talk to your priest. I’m sure he’ll be more delighted that you’re thinking about attending church again..
Post # 9
thank you for sharing, I didn’t think that marrying a non Catholic or unbaptized person was really an issue so thank you for clarifying. I actually am mostly nervous about not practicing the faith myself for the last several years! I hope it won’t be a barrier for us and your situation puts my nerves at ease haha. And congratulations on your marriage 🙂
thank you! I hope we find an open minded priest 🙂
wow! Thank you for sharing. That definitely makes me feel better. I hope we don’t meet many barriers or mean priests. Haha. I didn’t think of it that way, that they’d be pleased just that I was thinking of returning to church. I can’t wait to meet with them and find out what the next steps are 🙂
Post # 10
Hey. I recently converted to Catholicism. It’s called RCIA and it took me 8 months. I was baptised this Easter. This was before we even got engaged so my intentions were pure.
We then found our dream venue and they refused to marry us there so we’ve decided on a non religious ceremony and luckily our families back our decision. The lady that took my conversion course really likes us and she told me we can get our marriage certificate blessed afterwards if we prefer. Most weddings here are outdoor and the church just don’t do them so seems to be a common work around.
Think very carefully about what YOU want and do you.
That’s literally my only advice.
Post # 11
Your husband definitely doesn’t have to be Catholic in order to be married in a Catholic Church. You just won’t have a full mass ceremony. The only issue I see is usually you have to prove that you’re a member of the church somehow and they generally want you to start your pre Cana about 6 months prior to the wedding. I don’t think it’s too late at all to start attending the church you wish to use. You could attend for a few months and then approach the priest about using the church. I seriously doubt they’ll say anything about you just wanting the church for your wedding.
Post # 12
I don’t think it will mean any problem. My sister in law, who is Catholic, married a Protestant man in the Catholic church. The only thing the priest asked them was a commitment to raise their kids in the Catholic faith.
Post # 13
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
I have learned through my journey of pre-cana with the Catholic church. The Catholic church believes that every baptized Catholic has the Rite of Marriage. The church can not deny your rite to marry. I am marrying a man who was raised Jewish and now is a non-religious person. We are having a Catholic ceremony in my parents church which is the Cathedral and is usually the more strict rule following church in the diocese. If you marry a non-Catholic you cannot have a full mass. You will have to go through pre-cana and meet with the priest. He may decide that he doesn’t feel you are compatible and not marry you, but the church will not deny you, you can find another priest. Many churches also perform weddings or non-parishoners. Inquire with the church about your concerns.
ETA: They may have information available online. This is my diocese website regarding marriages. http://diometuchen.org/offices-and-ministries/pastoral-life/family-life/marriage-prep/
Post # 14
I don’t think you have any idea what you’re talking about . . .
Post # 15
I work at a Cathdral in a major U.S. city, and I can tell you that we don’t allow people who aren’t registered parishioners to get married here. You have to be registered for at LEAST 3 months, then there’s 6 months lead time to schedule the wedding.
Since marriage is a sacrament, we do that to weed out people who just want to use our building because it’s beautiful and historic.