Post # 1
Okay, so this may be a dumb question. Please excuse my ignorance.
So, my fiance doesn’t believe the government should be able to control marriages (he hates that we even have to get a marriage license lol), so he doesn’t want to have our officiant say “By the power vested in me by the state…” etc., and instead say how the marriage is granted by God or whatever. Which is fine. Neither of us are extremely religious, I’m agnostic and he believes in God and what not, but is not practicing a religion. Our ceremony will not be religious, I don’t want it, he doesn’t want it. He just wants the officiant to say God grants the marriage.
I started researching officiants, and I am just a little sticker shocked at the price. I can’t really imagine paying someone we don’t know $500 to marry us. We’re having a simple ceremony, so I don’t think there’s much work to be done on a script or whatever. What we have been thinking about doing is asking a friend of ours to officiate for us. He was ordained online last year for another of our friend’s weddings, and we both thought he did a great job. But, he’s not a minister, I’m not even sure what he believes in, so I feel funny asking him to say that our marriage is granted by God.
If we do ask him, and he’s fine with saying that, are we going to offend people because he’s not a minister? Technically he can marry us because of the internet and not any religious affiliation. Fiance has some fairly religious relatives, and I just don’t want to offend them or make them think we are belittling real ministers or whatever.
Sorry, this got a bit long. But what would you guys do? Do you think anyone would be offended?
Post # 2
I don’t remember our officiant saying our marriage was granted by anyone (the government or God). I think he just said “I know pronounce you man and wife” or something like that. Would your fiancé be fine with that or does God need to be mentioned?
Whatever your officiant does say, I doubt any of your guests will care.
Post # 3
hikingbride : Oh I didn’t think about that. Most of the weddings I’ve been to they’ve either mentioned the state or God, lol.
I will have to ask him about that. 🙂
Post # 4
Is he allowed to discuss religion based on his ordain-ment? I had a civil ceremony and our officiant was not able to say ANYTHING related to religion or god. She also sent us her “script” that we could customize but there were several sections that were bolded that we could not remove or alter at all, and I believe that section is part of it.
Post # 5
My understanding is that there are some wordings that an officiant is required to say in order for there to be a legal marriage. I think it varies from state to state so I would check what the laws are where you live. It’s possible that the wording you want to avoid may be required by your state in order for your marriage to be considered valid.
Post # 6
megkate87 : it varies from state to state what you must say. but i’ll say this: if your husband doesn’t want the marriage to be “granted by the state,” then don’t get legally married. plain and simple. you can go ahead and have a spiritual union that has nothing to do legally with the state – and you won’t need a license for that or anything. but you are CHOOSING to get legally married (presumably, he likes all the legal aspects of it from taxes, etc..?). in that case, he nees to grow up and get with the program. your marriage is a LEGAL union – so yeah, the state is literally granting the marriage. and maybe god blesses your union, but god is not granting anything. unless you went and applied to a marriage license to god and have that ready to pull out and file, god didn’t grant your marriage.
Post # 7
<u>catskillsinjune:</u> I’m sorry, but this comment is really unhelpful, and personally I find it a bit offensive. My fiance has the right to believe whatever he likes even if you think it’s stupid.
He’s not stupid, he knows we need to have a legal marriage for us to have the benefits we want and also for our children if we choose to have them in the future. That’s why he will get a marriage license with me, he just doesn’t like it. But again, he doesn’t have to. It’s his personal belief.
Your last comment about God not granting marriage unions is offensive to people who do believe that marriage is because of God and that he grants them. Again, if you don’t believe that, that’s fine, but there’s no need to be snarky or judgemental about what other people believe.
Post # 8
bayoubee : You’re right, I just did a quick google search on this for my state, and it seems there isn’t any particular requirements other than the couple stating their intention to marry and being pronounced as married. It didn’t seem like there had to be a mention that the state grants the marriage.