(Closed) NON MOH / BM – Stagette Planning & Etiquette

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 5
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

whoa.  let me get this straight.  you are planning a bachelorette party and you arent sure if you are invited to the wedding?  you are a damn good friend.  personally, if i am not invited to the wedding, i wouldnt plan a party.  i would take the bride out for drinks and maybe dinner.

Post # 6
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

OK as far as etiquette goes you are not required to pay for anything and you are not even expected to throw her a party even if she asks because you are NOT invited to the wedding! She was actually stepping over the line by asking! If you and a group or friends/coworkers were choosing to do it that would be a different story!

But anyways you are a GREAT friend and you are doing this and usually stagettes are paid individually by each guest on their own and then the wedding party chips in to pay for the bride!

So if you go pole dancing email everyone and tell them the per person cost (just so that everyone is on the same page regarding who is paying for what) And if you want you can even say the per person cost plus their share of the brides cost – noone would complain to pitch in for the bride. And in the email you can say where you are going to dinner as well and when you are at dinner you can ask the server ahead of time to prepare separate bills.

As far as things to do after dinner you could have a girly sleepover and watch old girly movies, play girl talk, etc!?

Post # 7
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yeah, I think it was very rude of her to ask you to plan a party for her when you and the other party goers aren’t invited to the wedding! 

But since you so kindly agreed to do it, I would ask her for the names of 3-4 good friends she thinks would like to be more involved. It’s not fair for you to do ALL the planning on your own. They can make suggestions for things she would like to do, since you two aren’t super close anymore. (Which makes me shake my head that she asked you to do this!)

I would also have the costs of the activities up to each guest, and you can either pay her way, or split the payment of her way among yourself and her other friends. I think many people expect this, but to make it clear, you could send an email with the list of activities with the price attached. 

If I were you, I would do a nice dinner with separate checks and call it a night! If she doesn’t like to go out drinking what else is there to do really that isn’t super expensive and hard to coordinate? A weekend getaway is simply too much to ask. If you did a more lowkey party – just a dinner – you could have everyone pitch in for a really nice gift for her, like a spa day. That seems more appropriate since none of you are going to the wedding.

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