Post # 1
Dh and I came across this video on YouTube that made reference to this and it got me googling articles to read about it. Like anything there’s arguments on both sides stating the exact opposite claims. Some say married couples with children are happier than when they didn’t have children and vice versa that married couples without children are much happier. I guess you could only really know if you have your own children because then you’ve experienced both. I know what it’s like to have my niece around but she isn’t MY child so I don’t know the parental aspect of loving her that way or the 24/7 duties of being a parent. What do you think bees? Are you happier now with a child/ren than you were without? Share your thoughts.
Post # 2
I don’t understand painting everything with a broad brush. Some people are happier without kids and some are happier with kids. Why does it have to be that one group is happier than the other? Everyone is different, every couple is different. That’s why you find studies contradicting other studies.
For me, I’m finding my thirties to be the best years of my life. My daughter will be three next month and I married my husband in October.
I don’t think that people without kids are happier than me, nor do I think they are not as happy as I am.
The more comfortable and happy I became in my life, the less I cared about what other people were choosing to do with their lives
Post # 3
You lose some freedom by having children. We decided to spend our twenties being selfish and living life to its fullest. We went to concerts, traveled, stayed out late… Now, in our 30s we enjoy staying home with the kids and dog. We still do everything we use to but now it takes a little planning. I don’t think I was happier then or now. I think I’m right where I always was. I will say that I’m glad I didn’t rush into parenthood but I’m so glad I’m a mom.
Post # 4
If children are something you want and give you great personal fulfillment, you will be happier having them. If children are something you don’t want and don’t give you great personal fulfillment, you will not be happier.
There’s too many personal factors that also go into what makes one household happier over another independant to the choice of having children. So not really a reliable correlation to try to compare just having kids over not. Know yourself, know what you want, and do what makes you happiest. It’s not a competitition.
Owning a t-rex costume may not make many happier but it sure as hell would make me happier. 😉 Let’s do a study on families with that vs families without.
Post # 5
soymilk : Those are good points and this questions isn’t personal to me. I want a child (just one) but I’m not putting my happiness into it like I’ll be happier with one. It is interesting to me because I say I want a child but you can never know what you’re really asking for or wanting until it happens and then you can’t go back once they’re here if that makes sense. But of course since I do want one I’m willing to make sacrifices that I know will come undoubtedly and hope to get some type of fulfillment out of it.
Post # 6
It’s not that simple, it’s different for different people. I think everyone should try to figure out which kind they are, and ignore statistics. Even if it were crazy definitive like 90% of people would be happier with/without kids, that doesn’t mean you would.
Post # 7
There are a lot of studies that show that general happiness takes a pretty good dip in the early child-rearing years. I don’t see any reason to not believe consistent expert research.
I’m 7 months pregnant and it makes perfect sense. Right now, I can still sleep as much as I want, do whatever I want to a pretty good extent, have a happy relationship with my partner where we can focus on just the two of us, etc. Very young children are a constant source of stress and lack of sleep,m, which will translate to increased unhappiness in many people.
However, what this research DOESN’T show are the overall, lifetime effects from having kids. So, so many people say that their greatest source of joy and fulfillment comes from their children, even as the kids grow up and have their own families. I also don’t see any reason not to believe them.
So I think some of this is missing the forest for the trees, you know?
Post # 8
I dont have kids,and we are planing only 1 kid in a couple of years. I think couples with 1 kid are happiest (assuming you want any children at all, and are not CFBC)
Because they get to be parents but are not stranded in the diaper and daycare years for too long. Having 1 kid, they still get to exxperience parenthood, do all the things parents do with their kids, experience that bond, yet they still have time for themselves and cash flow is less strained than when you have more than 1 kid..it’s easier to travel and still enjoy it with 1 kid instead of shlepping 2+ kids and all their stuff. There are more parents than kids in this scenario so if a parent needs some alone time the chances of having that need met are higher with only one kid. The kid has higher cgances of having all of their needs and wants met when all the emotional, financial and logistical resources dont have to be split with their siblings.
AOD is the best!!Im so happy we came to this decision.
Post # 9
It’s not an all or nothing thing.
Having kids for me meant a lot of my identity changed. I had to think of someone before myself. I have willingly put my career on the backburner. Im not able to be as carefree as i used to be.
For me though, kids also made my marriage way stronger. I love my husband so much more after seeing him as a dad. I also cherish the moments we have as a family, and while there was a time when my career was #1, i like the person i am more now. I have also made some “mom friends ” who are some of the best friendships i have, and it’s made me closer to my own mom.
Before kids i was worried about things like the lack of sleep, but tbh it’s not that big of a deal. Certainly not enough that i think i’d be happier without my son.
So for me, i can honestly say i am happier now. But i also think it’s completely a person by person question.
Post # 10
Your answer depends on the age of the child. When the child is born and they dont sleep and you feel like shit for months at a time, no question that child free couples are happier. But as the child grows, so does the reward. But it ultimately depends on if you really want children. Couples who have a child because they think they should or are pressured into are bound to be unhappier than couples who really wanted children in the first place.
Post # 11
KittyYogi : I like your perspective that makes sense.
Post # 12
ImMrsSnow : We only want one but we haven’t started TTC yet. If it doesn’t happen then we would stop trying at a certain point and accept it. When I look at my own childhood if my mom had only had one kid any one of my siblings or myself could’ve had a way better childhood. My husband and I kinda share the perspective to give one kid the life we want them to have and not have to worry about spreading everything across multiple kids including our times, money, sanity, etc. I don’t know many “one and done” people but one of my neighbors comes from 4 generations of being an only child on BOTH mom and dad’s side. It’s crazy cool to me and now he is trying to have a baby but his fiancee keeps miscarrying. I’ve never heard of this from anyone though so it was pretty interesting how sure they all were and must’ve liked being only children.
Post # 13
I feel it’s probably true. Kids add stress (financial, physical and mental) but add a fulfilment to many that isn’t really measureable. I can definitely see parents being less happy but still loving their kids and feeling fulfilled by raising them.
Post # 14
saratiara2 : That sounds super sweet! Your kids are lucky to have you be so dedicated to being a good mom.
Post # 15
sunburn : This article talks about that and I’ve seen it happen. It goes hand in hand with the other thread about people getting pregnant accidentally on purpose and trapping the other person be it male or female. I can totally see how that would make a statistic show the unhappiness factor big time.