Post # 31
daisy123 : Thanks for sharing your honest opinion. It is true that some people are one and done and are totally happy with that. When people ask us how many we want and we say only one they tell us we’ll change our minds, at least give them a sibling, or we’re going to be stuck entertaining them. I don’t agree with it and we haven’t even made it to having one but your reasons listed is kinda what we’ve thought about in making that decision.
Post # 32
I haven’t read that non parents are happier than parents but I have read that when you have one child their is a subsequent boost of happiness, but more children don’t make you happier. Basically you become happier after having one but the happiness doesn’t keep increasing with each child – this is not to say that you become unhappy after your second, third, or forth child just not more happy if that makes sense.
Post # 33
With studies like this, it’s just so hard to control for all the variables. Each person is different. While someone may have been happier in their early 20s before having children than they are in their early 30s with young kids… does that mean that they would be happier in their 50s without children than if they’d had them? What about people that choose never to have children? There is nothing to compare. People that can’t have children but want them? Someone that wants children, but has a child with significant special needs that are financially and emotionally draining? Single parents vs. married? Children in your 20s vs your 30s or 40s? It’s just too hard to compare individual situations and people’s expectations vs. their reality.
Post # 34
TwilightRarity : I hope if I become a mother I can experience what you have so eloquently put into words. Out of the articles I read being financially stable, having paid medical care, and having paid maternity leave apparently did have the biggest affect on whether or not couples felt happy. So as a result it’s not really their actual children they were unhappy with, it was the circumstances that made it more difficult to support them. We definitely experience the brunt of all those things here in the US.
Post # 35
echomomm : Couldn’t agree more! My husband and I both started out not wanting any children but as our financial situation changed and we started checking off things we wanted to do we changed our minds (he changed his twice lol). But back then people told us it was selfish and I’m like how? And now that we say one and done people say an only child will be miserable and we need to give them a sibling or they wish twins on us. I don’t understand it and nobody has offered to help raise said kids that we NEED to have.
Post # 36
Husband and I have opted not to have any kids, so I think I am much happier without them even though I haven’t had any before! Instead, we got two dogs, which kind of changed the amount of time we had for “us”, I guess like having a kid would. We can’t go out for longer than 7 hours unless we plan doggy daycare ahead of time; we can’t go on spontaneous weekend trips anymore; we definitely have less long-distance trips than we did before.
Post # 37
DoubleD : my son is definitely not miserable! That’s laughable. He has stated numerous times that there is NO room for another baby in his life. I know a few only children and they are happy adults. My son also has lots of pals who are only’s and they are great little kids. We had friends over yesterday with a six year old and a two year old and their mother has no shame in admitting she should have stopped at one.
Post # 38
I’m personally happier withy baby, but we have a super easy kid. I would say that having a child has only brought us closer and improved our marriage.
I don’t think that makes us happier than our mostly CFBC friends though. It’s just a personal thing and we have a lot of factors that added up to making having a kid an easy experience.