“Non Practicing”-Catholic & Non-Catholic, looking for a church to marry in!

posted 9 years ago in Catholic
Post # 4
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t think a priest will ask you THAT but i’m not sure. Ew.

But, as far as what I know about catholics, if you don’t follow a lot of their stuff, they don’t consider you a “good” catholic in good standing, so they reject you from marrying in their church. Everyone i know who’s had a church wedding had to jump through all those hoops you’re talking about. They dont’ want people marrying in a catholic church unless they really believe in it I guess. I also don’t get why the priest groaned when you said your Fiance was baptized catholic. That seems weird, but then again, I don’t know.

I’d make a bunch of calls, be honest, and see if anyone will marry you in a church. The impression I got from my friend (who’s catholic and had a catholci wedding–i was in their wedding and he was military stationed in korea so there was lots of hoops to jump through and timing everything perfect and pre cana and all that stuff) is that there isn’t a lot of wiggle room.

Would you consider a non-denominational church? or having a catholic priest “bless” your marriage? Church ceremonies can be beautiful and meaningful, even if it’s not exactly what you wanted. and it could still be religious. To get what you want, you may have to bend with the church.

Post # 5
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am sorry to hear you are having a hard time with this!  I’m not sure what the rules of your Diocese are, but here any church would do a wedding in your situation.  Please be patient.  I am baptised Catholic, never did any faith formation but go to Mass with FH and his family about twice a month.  FH was baptised, received Communion but didn’t finish the preparation for Confirmation.  In our case, we only celebrating in a Liturgy of the Word service – no communion.

Is your Fiance willing to go to Mass with you?  If a priest sees that you are really serious about your faith he may be more willing to bend the rules for you.  I know when we went to talk to our priest he was happy that he recognized us from attending Mass.

Post # 7
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think you are going to find that this is a diocesan matter, and will not vary much by parish. Almost everywhere, you must be a Catholic in “good standing”, which includes a regular record of attending Mass and giving to the Church, in order to be married in the Church. Your best bet would be to join a parish now, start giving to the parish, and apply for a dispensation with the bishop.

Post # 8
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh, well, yeah, i guess most churches do have denominations. I guess you’d have to pick one or have a wedding outside labeled non-denominational and throw in whatever aspects you want.

Would you Fiance be willing to receive communion or be confirmed? I’m not sure if this is a requirement or not. I’d just ask about the blessing. An indian friend of mine is having an indian wedding and they explaimed to the catholic church (her Fiance is catholic) that they must have a hindu wedding but that they go to catholic church frequently and want to raise their kids with catholicism and a preist will bless them.

Post # 9
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Are looking to be married in a Catholic ceremony?  Or just a church wedding in general?  If it’s the latter, I agree with ejs’s recommendation of trying a non-denominational church.  If you want a Catholic ceremony, the priest you talked to should still be able to marry you.  You just won’t be able to have a full Mass.  You and your Fi are baptized Christians, and you are Catholic, so he probably won’t turn you away, just tell you what’s available for your situation. 

Also, the priest may ask you about pre-marital sex, but ours didn’t Some priests are more thorough about questioning that kind of stuff, some don’t care.  Either way, pre-marital sex shouldn’t stop you from having a Catholic ceremony.  Your priest may ask you to go to reconciliation before the wedding, but maybe couples have pre-marital sex and are still married in Catholic church.

Post # 10
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

For non-denominational churches look for Christ’s Church, Calvary Chapel, Unitarian, Four Square Church, or community churches (these church will often have “community church” in the name).

Post # 11
Member
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t have very many answers for you I just wanted to say that I doubt you can have a non-denominational ceremony blessed by the catholic chuch.  For example, I was born and raised catholic also but will not be getting married in my faith because we’re getting married outside and catholic priests will not marry you outside of a church.  We would have to be married in a church and then ‘hopes’ that there was a deacon who could come and bless our ceremony.

Post # 12
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think it is too much to ask you to join a parish in order to be married in the Catholic church. Why is it so impotant to you to be married in that religion, but it seems like you are refusing to go to church?

If you are dead set on not joining a parish, then maybe you should look for other options like a campus chapel that may be more liberal. Or maybe your parents should talk to the priest at their church and perhaps they will still consider that your home parish… probably not, but it might be worth a try.

My best advice for you would be to join a parish. You can probably join a parish in Brooklyn and complete the marriage prep classes there and just get married in Long Island (they can just transfer the paperwork).

Post # 13
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

The hoops esj4y8 is talking about are preparation hoops.  I don’t think it is helpful to think about marriage preparation this way.  The church is trying their hardest to lower the divorce rate and raise the amount of happy couples out there.  I think it is best to think about it as setting the stage, or building a foundation for your wedding.  You spend so much time getting ready for the wedding.  It’s only fiar to spend some time preparing for your marriage.

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