(Closed) non religious ceremony for traditional family?

posted 11 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We are non practicing Christians I guess you would say, and are not getting married by a pastor, and actually, our wedding has nothing to do with relegion or anything. We aren’t even having a prayer I don’t think. My dad was pretty upset, but it is our wedding, and it fits us. You can’t make everyone happy, and you should do something you dont’ even believe in. They will get over it.

Post # 4
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Oh man.  I had the Catholic fight.  Part of it depends on if your family wants to see you married in the eyes of the church, and if you are willing to do that.  That would involve not having your ceremony outside.  OR, you could go the route of a bad Catholic (like me) and do first and beg forgiveness later at a convalidation, but since you are both Catholic, that is less likely to get approved.

If you just want to appease people who appreciate tradition, try looking up the sequence of events within a ceremony, but change the words.  Take our Jesus references and substitute God or something spiritual. Make the ceremony wording appeal to you, but the process familiar to the family.

A good source book would be the Wedding Ceremony Planner.  It has all kinds of ideas for religious and secular texts to fit into different parts of your wedding, and can be a great springboard.

Post # 5
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I had a civil ceremony, but we had my dad prepare his own reading, which was basically some advice for us that were all biblical teachings.

My parents are Christians and I am too; some of our friends are atheists and I’m pretty sure that most of DH family fall under the “believing without practicing” category, while DH is agnostic..

Even though DH doesn’t believe per say, he strongly agrees with most biblical values, so he was happy with what my dad said. My dad was sensitive to other people in his reading – not trying to convert anyone; I can’t even explain how he did it but it was all biblical based without directly referring to the Bible/Jesus/God.

I liked the formula..

Post # 6
875 posts
Busy bee

I’m a practicing Christian, and I know that within the Catholic church weddings are not to take place outside of the church building.  (So I’m not sure if the very very traditional Catholics can be happy if it is not within the confines of the church.)  However if you are agnostic…that is unsure about God… but want to include some traditions that would be familiar… then I would suggest asking someone who you love and respect to give a scripture reading during the event or even say a prayer to ask God’s blessing.   (Not to officiate… unless they are a minister or a judge… ) There are a lot of familiar verses that I think that you would enjoy.  They would probably be very uncomfortable with someone being ordained just for the day…  even though I understand the concept… that trend makes me uncomfortable… I’d rather see someone married by the local judge.  (I live in a small town, so I’m not sure if that makes a difference.)  But my understanding is that the judge or minister is allowed to marry a couple because in the eyes of the community at large they are considered to be leaders of the community while a random person that you just know is a little like the playground weddings that kids sometimes have… their authority isn’t viewed by the outside community as being “real”…   (I don’t mean to offend anyone, but rather just explain why someone “self ordained” by filling out a computer ad makes people coming from a more traditional background uncomfortable.  (I guess the other thing that makes me uncomfortable about those computer ordinations… are that they take something lightly that I think is pretty serious.)  Hope I haven’t offended you, but I thought your comments were interesting. 

Post # 7
3124 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Do you mean “technically catholics” like you’re “technically” a brunette or a woman or have two feet? Like you were born that way? If your family is Catholic, but you don’t go to church and don’t plan on it, are you really Catholic? Why put a label on it if it’s not really true / how you feel. Just do your wedding your own way and it will be meaningful for you. By that logic, I’m technically Catholic too, except the only time I’d ever set foot in a church is for someone else’s wedding. And I don’t believe it.

Post # 8
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

At first we were going to put in a Bible verse or too to appease the family. 

But it’s so – not us. I don’t believe in a god, and neither does my fiance, so we don’t want our marriage ceremony to ring false. I think that most people won’t miss it if you don’t draw attention to it. You can have readings that are meaningful to you, and take a look at things like the handfasting ceremony, a love letter box, unity candle, etc, that can fill up your ceremony. Honestly, it should be about your love, and if that love doesn’t involve a god, don’t put one in there unless you truly want to. 

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