(Closed) Non religious Jewish Christian chaos.

posted 5 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 3
Member
5553 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

Some people are suddenly relgious when it comes to stuff like weddings and funnerals, I would just tell them, “we are having the wedding ceremony we want to have, we appreciate your input but that is not something we want at our wedding, and especially not this last minute”. I’m not super up on Jewish tradition but if you aren’t in a synagogue or having a rabbi do your ceremony why would you wear the yarmukle anyway??

Post # 4
Member
2858 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Ilovetruffels:  Sounds like some more religious relatives criticized them.

Post # 6
Member
10368 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

If you don’t want to do it, then don’t do it. They will get over it. And if, for some crazy reason, they can’t – at least you will have stood up for you and your FI as a family unit! That’s mostly what weddings are about, anyway – a transition into a new family unit that needs to be respected by the others!

So much of the stuff your MIL wants you to do is actually a secular part of Judaism. My husband is Jewish by relation, though we are both athiests. We did the stomping of the glass, had a chuppah, and danced the Horah. We did it because it was fun/beautiful, and because it’s “tradition” – not because it was religious! Maybe she just wants some recognizable traditional elements in the wedding? Either way, do what you want!

Post # 7
Member
9145 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@nycsa:  <—- Absolutely this.

You and your FH need to sit down and figure out what you can agree with and what you can’t.  Does he even want to wear a yarmulke?  If he does, is it really a big deal for you to have him wear it?  As far as providing yarmulke’s for the guests, if it’s not a Jewish ceremony or in a temple I don’t see the need but if your MIL wants to provide them in a basket somewhere for the guests that might want them then is that going to be a problem?  On to the breaking of the bread.  I believe that involves a prayer which I wouldn’t find odd at a nonsecular wedding so long as it’s short.  Ask some of the guests that you think would be uncomfortable to find out, you might be surprised.

But honestly, you have every right to put your foot down and say no to all of it but you and your FH have to be on the same page and provide a united front to his parents about it and then tell them the conversation is over and the topic is off limits for further discussion.

Post # 9
Member
1628 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Religious Jews are required to wear a yarmulke at all times and usually they are handed out at events like weddings because some people who do not wear them all the time still wear them at special life moments like weddings.  Would you be ok with them being available for those who want them (I’m thinking, having a basket of them somewhere where people can go pick one up)?

Post # 10
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Yeah – we are also catholic and jewish but have decided to have a NON-RELIGIOUS wedding.  If you are paying for it – they it really doesn’t matter what they think.  You’re soon-to-be husband needs to put his foot down.  If his parents could make him wear a little hat just for the sake of impressing old aunts think of what else the parents might have influence over in the future.  Babies????

 

It is YOUR wedding –  be strong!!!!!

Post # 11
Member
4047 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@gstang:  Yes, this.

If they really wanted all these things, the time to mention it was months ago, not suddenly right before the ceremony.

I don’t even really like the idea of having a basket of yarmulkes nearby, it will confuse guests and make them wonder if they need to wear them, what do they mean, etc. It sends a mixed message.

Perhaps you can explain, in the nicest way possible, that you made all thee decisions months ago and can’t change things now.

Post # 12
Member
598 posts
Busy bee

Hmm. My SO is also Jewish. He had is bar mitzvah also but is not very religious. His mother was catholic but converted to marry his father and she still puts up a christmas tree every year. Yes he celebrates Hanukkah, Passover, and the rest, but he doesn’t go to synogogue or anything like that and by no means will he be wearing a yamaka at our wedding.

Why don’t you talk to him about it? It is his wedding, not his mothers. She can give suggestions, but it is up to him to decide what he wants to do.

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