(Closed) Non-romantic relationship advice (help me decipher friendship with a guy friend)

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

He maybe courting someone new. He doesn’t want to say anything to anyone (especially an FB friend) unless it turns serious. Guys don’t all talk abt all their business. If things don’t work out with this new girl (or the old one), he doesn’t want to relive the gory details of these sordid affairs by talking abt it.

Post # 18
Member
8825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

UisceAlainn:  You are very actively seeking — I would actually say CREATING — drama. This slightly-more-than-acquaintance is peacefully living his life and to you this is “manipulating my emotions and feelings“. JFC.

Makes this statement from your OP simultaneously ironic and illuminating: “So I have quite a few male friends, as I find they are overall less drama, more reliable, and less judgy than women”

Post # 19
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

He’s playing mind games by not being more effusive with a casual acquaintance? Poor guy. Sounds like he can’t win with you. 

Post # 20
Member
9174 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

do you get together with him in person since he helped you with the program, or do you just chat online?  if he’s just an online friend, i wouldn’t worry too much.  he probably has other stuff going on and i think you are looking for something that isn’t there.

Post # 21
Member
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

saratiara2:  Maybe he just has shit going on in his own life that he doesn’t want to get into for whatever reason. That happens. You don’t need to drop him as a friend, just give him space, and see if he comes around. It’s weird you say you don’t want drama, but now you’re going to drop him if he doesn’t act the way you want him to. Seems pretty dramatic to me.

+1 to all of this. I have 20+ year friendships. sometimes we don’t speak for months even years at time. When we reconenct we pick up where we left off. I just don’t see what has the guy done as wrong that warrents you “ending” the friendship.

Especially considering you met online? Which I’m not negating because I have a core group of particular friends which we all met online (and later many of have meet and even traveled tongether. But there a few that we haven’t met in person to this day, but I do consider them friends).

He gives short messages, so what??? Sometimes I go thru my periods where I’m not very vocal (in person or online). I’d hate to think people get bend out shape about it. 

Nothing you mentioned sounds partcularly manipulative. So I find this all very strange. Sounds like you got used to getting a certain amount of attention from him. Now your throwing a trantrum about it. Speaks more about you than him. 

Post # 22
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

Daisy_Mae:  

Agree! 

I’m telling you, the ones who say they  don’t get along with other women because of all the drama and cattiness ALWAYS end up being the ones who create it. ALWAYS. 

 

Frankly, this thread is devolving from mildly strange to psychotic rather quickly. 

 

Am I the only one who would be pissed if cards started coming home to my address from randos my man met on Facebook (aka stalkers paradise)?

 

 

 

Post # 23
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

UisceAlainn:  Seriously I don’t think he is manipulative in the least — instead he is just having normal moods or a touch of a bad mood (letting down his hair because he knows you better) or he is going through something. Your update about the last few weeks strongly suggests this. And if I dropped every friend who has moods/ebb and flow/was busy,  I wouldn’t have many friends. 

About him being jealous of you and your Darling Husband, I would be more likely to consider the possibility he could have developed feelings for you. Not necessarily but a possibility. I had a long distance guy friend in a serious relationship tell me he was developing feelings for me and at least one other girl lol and that he knew he needed to take a step back. Later we resumed the friendship and are very good platonic friends now. 

Maybe now that your pal is not in a relationship anymore, he is having a harder time with his feelings for you.

 Please please do not ask him this or hint to him about it. If he doesn’t have those feelings, he’ll be annoyed and think you’re inappropriate. If he does have those feelings, it will make him feel horrible if you bring it up. And your friendship will have to be curtailed out of respect for your Darling Husband because it will now be in inappropriate territory, 

In this case what you don’t know won’t hurt you.

I would err on the side of giving him more space and act normal. If he’s a good person, he will overcome whatever might be in the way, whether it has to do with you. You are way overreactive in your considering dropping the guy so I would work on that.

Even if it turns out he god forbid is crushing on you. Just calm down and don’t jump to conclusions!!!! If you have a pattern of feeling upset about normal moods/lapses/ebbs and flows with friends or if my first thought when someone is thoughtless is to drop the friendship, I would seek counseling and also look at my birth control if its hormonal.

 

I think you should spend a little extra time and attention on Darling Husband so you don’t get hooked into any emotional temptations with the friend. You might be getting to Like him because your emotions are invested.

Hope you don’t feel offended by any of this.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  littlechickie.
  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  littlechickie.
  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  littlechickie.
  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  littlechickie.
Post # 24
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

I think you are overthinking this. Just give him some space. No need to freak out. 

Post # 25
Member
2334 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Maybe he’s bored of being friends with someone on the internet he doesn’t really know and is out having fun with people he has met before

Post # 26
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

jbella:  A Christmas card seems pretty harmless to me lol unless OP told him not to contact her. Geez

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