(Closed) Non-Shower Pre-Wedding Gathering

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think you should wait until after the wedding and perhaps another time when the two of you are in town.

Post # 5
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree that after the wedding is a better idea.  That way people are very clear on the fact that they were not invited to the wedding and they will not feel obligated to give a present.

Post # 6
3575 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with @oracle.  How awkward for you and your Fiance to be in this situation.  I would feel very odd/bad if one of those people who are not invited brings a gift for you.  Yikes, how do you respond to that? 


Post # 7
16195 posts
Honey Beekeeper

If possible, I’d also postpone the party till after the wedding. It places too much emphasis on those not invited. After the wedding, the party can be about “Meet Mr. and Mrs. Steak” instead of “Bride and Groom.”

Post # 9
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Does mom view this as merely a celebration of your engagement or more of a “bring my daughter gifts” kind of deal? I think it would be a little less tacky if it were called an engagement party and if the invitations made it clear that gifts are not expected. If it doesn’t appear like you are just wanting to get showered with gifts, who wouldn’t want to be invited to a fun party to celebrate the great news? 

During conversations, you could also casually drop in statements that explain that you are having a small wedding or how tiny the venue is going to be. This might help avoid hurt feelings if your mom’s great-aunt’s daughter-in-law (or any other random relative or family friend!) doesn’t get an invite. I have a huge family and lots of business contacts; there’s just no way we could ever afford to invite hundreds upon hundreds to our wedding. So we plan to celebrate with other parties, making it clear that we don’t expect anything except to have a good time celebrating our engagement/marriage.

Post # 10
1 posts
  • Wedding: February 2010

My sister recently had a pre-wedding, non-shower (she didn’t want gifts) and it was an all-round debaucle.  Definitely wait until after the wedding.

The topic ‘Non-Shower Pre-Wedding Gathering’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors