(Closed) Non-traditional broke bride

posted 5 years ago in Traditions
Post # 2
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Presque Isle

Absolutely. It’s your wedding so do what is best for you. No sense going into debt over it!

Post # 3
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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christinemikl:  I do not think it is the money and all of the “things” that go into a wedding that makes it special— in the end, it is really just a celebration of the two of you, your love, and your pledge to share your lives with each other. Super corny- but true. A wedding does not have to be the big event that it has become in order to be lovely and memorable. Tahoe is gorgeous, and even if it is just the two of you, I think you will have a wonderful day! If you want to celebrate with all of your friends and family, you might consider a big BBQ or potluck style backyard celebration after your more private ceremony. You should do whatever works best for you, and as the PP mentioned- there is no sense in going into debt over a wedding. 

Best of luck! 🙂

Post # 4
Member
619 posts
Busy bee

Yup. totally acceptable. Do it. Get hitched. Enjoy every minute of it. Don’t listen to the snarky comments you may receive from you second cousin’s hairstylist’s dog walker. Love your SO, love your location, and have one of the coolest days of your life. 🙂 best wishes! 

Post # 5
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

Yes, it is . Do it.

Post # 6
Member
9523 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

It’s about celebrating the couple, not seeing how much money they can spend. People who care about you will be there, or at least will be in spirit if they can’t make it. People who complain are not worth your time!

Post # 7
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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christinemikl:  Hi! I know this is an old post. But just wanted to mention that learning how to “save money” is vital, whether or not you spend a lot on a wedding. I don’t know how literally to take you, but if you don’t do so now, learn how to budget and put a substantial amount of your paychecks in savings. Live within your means. Plan for the future.

And unless it’s prohibitively expensive, I think you should push yourselves to have a public celebration with your families and friends. Not fancy or expensive. But marriage itself is a public, legal, binding expression of the utmost commitment. Having all those people there to witness it makes you more accountable, in a way. And it’s a good way to start your life together: by prioritizing your marriage.

Post # 8
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

 

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Ladybug16:  Not trying to be snarky at all, so please don’t misunderstand these comments…I understand the point you are trying to make and can agree with you to a certain point, but in the uncertain economy of today there are many people who simply do not have the luxury; even with following a very strict budget; to place much of their paychecks at all into savings…and certainly not a “substantial amount” of it.

   From lurking quietly on this site for a while and simply reading before making my first post, I am under the general impression that many of the Bees on here are well-off financially or at the least come from upper middle-class families where wedding expenses are not an issue, but not everyone has this type of lifestyle and some people have the unfortunate reality of literally living paycheck-to-paycheck, where any added expenses are bank account busters…but that does not automatically mean they are NOT living within their means (nor does it mean they are lazy, uneducated, bad at managing money, or any other negative terms that are often flung carelessly at the less-fortunate. You didn’t say that but I am involved in the local social work scene via volunteerism and see this as being a prevalent attitude toward the less-fortunate in general among those who have no money worries)…

  Anyway, without further background information we can’t judge OP’s personal situation; for all we know she and her Fiance might be former executives who lost their good jobs due to downsizing in the bad economy and now are working at whatever jobs will pay the bills and put food on the table. Sorry to rant, it’s just that people being so judgmental these days over EVERYTHING is one of my main pet peeves. Hope I don’t get attacked for my comment, because I really mean no harm but am simply trying to get people to think before they automatically judge and jump to conclusions about others knowing only part of the facts…and you DID say you personallly do not know her, so at least you acknowledged this right off the bat.  

Post # 10
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

 

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ali0118:  Thanks!! I was worried how my comment would be taken by other Bees.

Post # 11
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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kittychik:  I’m sorry you took my comment as negative and unkind. :/ I apologize to the OP also if she thought I was being insensitive. I was just trying to be helpful because I’ve noticed with myself and others in my generation that particularly having large amounts of debt and dealing with money virtually seems to make it more difficult for us to form prudent money management habits. The OP’s comment was vague but I had a hunch if better spending habits were needed, that would be getting to the root of the problem, not just treating the symptoms.

It’s funny because my own pet peeve are when people call out others for being “judgemental.” I am truly grateful that you made me aware that my comments were perceived as unkind, because I need to work on being more kind (So thank you!) However, in a situation like this, the OP asked for feedback which someone can only do by using reason based on the provided information to make a judgement. :/

Post # 12
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

 

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Ladybug16:     I totally agree that one has to make a judgment call based on limited info when asked for advice or feedback from others, and I guess what it all really boils down to with me; being in my 40s and being raised in a different type of world than what we live in today; is simply that somewhere along the way we have lost our tact as a society and can ALL be unkind and blunt at times…even though we shouldn’t be. I too catch myself being less careful about things I say sometimes, and also the older I get the more my tolerance for BS and drama is dwindling so I’m sure that I’m bound to open my mouth and come off as rude too at times. Yay for being a human being, lol! 🙂 And I’ve always been a notorious Devil’s advocate who sees many aspects of the same situation and can “what if” every angle of said situation to death, so I tend look at comments people make and think “well the recipient of that comment could take it like so-in-so and such-in-such OR even like blah, blah, blah”, even if that’s not the way the comment was intended. One of my personal weirdnesses I guess…

Post # 13
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

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christinemikl:  pretty similar to what we are doing, we are having a very casual reception when we get home. Its more like a summer barabeque, with yard games, very affordable.

But we are getting married in key west, and we discussed with everyone that we love that people may want to come and we are open to that, but we will not be covering any expenses. We are having 15 people join us in Key West. I am making welcome bags for less then $100 total for people who are coming with a hand written thank you card, letting them know it means a lot, and a couple treats for them since they did travel. 

Post # 14
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I love the idea of a backyard bbq wedding in Tahoe.   I think it sounds fantastic.   

 

Aas for the comments about properly handling funds,  when there are no funds to handle,  its an issue.  Clearly these people have never lived paycheck to paycheck,  worried about how to buy food, or subway fare to get to work.   It’s even worse if you get sick,  with no insurance.   Not having money,  doesn’t mean that a person is lazy and doesn’t work.   The fact is,  even working 40 hours a week often isn’t enough.   I’ve personally had to work up to 5 jobs at a time just to get by.  To assume o otherwise is rude. 

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