(Closed) Non-Traditional Girls Support Group

posted 8 years ago in Traditions
Post # 17
Member
291 posts
Helper bee

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@Rachel631:  If you don’t mind me asking, who are you getting flack from about not changing your last name? Initially I thought I would carry his last name. Then I realized it doesn’t make sense to have two last names that no one pronounces correctly. He said I don’t have to use his last name in my profession, but then why change it at all? We are a team regardless of same last names. He’s pretty annoyed about my stance and I can understand his POV, but I can’t agree with it just as he can’t agree with mine. Plus, I have a feeling his parents are going to be a little confused too. I don’t love alliteration in names and I’d feel like a weather girl should I take his last name. His family is pretty old school and we come from a small community, so I imagine if I don’t take his last name people are going to wonder what kind of crazy broad I am. 

Post # 18
Member
2652 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

1. No proposal. I’ve never reallyunderstood them. To me it’s a decision two people make together.

2. I picked out my ‘non traditional’ ring. 

3. He helped me pick my dress. My dress is not full length.

4. No fb announcement or status update.

5. No cake.

6. 1 bridesmaid who won’t walk down the aisle. She chose her own dress. I would have been happy with none but i have one sister!

7. No real flowers. Felt flowers andpomp poms to decorate. 

Lots of things are traditional but this was more to do with what everyone else wanted rathetg than what I want!

 

 

Post # 19
Member
2652 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

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@TwoOneFive:  So true! If i could only record people when they do this!

Post # 20
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@rosegoldie:  “Then I realized it doesn’t make sense to have two last names that no one pronounces correctly.”

+1 for this. LoL. SO and I both have names that are ridiculous to pronounce in America. I had thought about hyphenating or changing both of our names but nothing we could come up with was much better. Then we talked to his parents about me keeping his name and they pulled the “but dying gramma would be heartbroken” card and he fell for it hook, line and sinker. We negotiated by agreeing that I would take his name and he can fill out all the paperwork for my licenses and stuff.

I guess we’re pretty traditional then. Big surprise proposal with family and friends, heirloom ring, diamonds and crap…I gave him a bath when we got back to the hotel room. Maybe that was untraditional? lol.

 

Post # 21
Member
1511 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@rbabynorton:  First, welcome to the Bee!  Smile

We are doing some traditional things: we are having a wedding party, I have a diamond engagement ring, I’ll be wearing an ivory wedding gown, we’ll be having a first dance, etc.

However, I feel like my fiance and I are doing quite a few nontraditional things:

– We’re not having any showers/parties of any kind.

– We’re not registering for any gifts.  He kind of wants to, but I really don’t.  I honestly don’t want any gifts at all … It just feels wrong to me.  If I were younger and just starting out I might feel differently, but my fiance and I have been living together for 2 years and we were both on our own for years before that.

– There will be no father-daughter dance.  He’s not even invited.

– I will most likely be walking myself down the aisle.

– I won’t be wearing a veil.  I just don’t like them.

– We’ll be using a lot of nontraditional music during the ceremony.  We’re trying to “class” it up a bit by choosing Vitamin String Quartet versions of some of our favorite songs, but that doesn’t change the fact that it won’t be music you’d “typically” hear at a wedding.

– Our ceremony will not be religious at all.

– No bouquet toss and no garter toss.  My fiance and I just really hate these traditions.

– My maid of honor is actually a “man of honor.”  My best friend is a guy, and it’s very important to me to have him to stand next to me on my wedding day. 

I’m sure there are things I’m forgetting, but these immediately came to mind.  

It does make me sad to see that a lot of people are getting flak for choosing a nontraditional route.  Your wedding should reflect you and your fiance as a couple … Even if that means no wedding at all!

Post # 22
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

No real proposal…discussed we wanted to get married then on my birthday he just said oh, I went looking for a ring but was scared to chose so you will have to pick it!…that was it really..lol…dress is dark purple evening dress type thing…2 little flower girls who are dressed as fairies, wings and all…..my doggy is carrying our rings…..my engagement ring is also my wedding ring and extremely non traditional…informal family gathering in our garden followed by a party for friends etc…no wedding cake…hardly any decorations..no centrepieces etc…I wanted to wear a tiara so I will….and I will probably wear my veil which is dark purple! FUN!

Post # 23
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Well first off, we are having a morning wedding with yummy breakfast food any everyone thinks we are crazy. There will be no dancing, no bouquet/garter toss, no ‘here comes Mr. And Mrs. X’ Its being held on my families farm, and we are doing mostly everything ourselves, except the catering. We are having a Christian service, but our pastor is a close friend and there is going to be non traditional elements such as a ring warming and having my FI’s three children play a large role. The cermony is more about all of becoming a family than just me and him. Oh and our best man is actually a best woman (FSIL). That said, my dad will be walking me down the aisle, I’m wearing a pretty white dress, and I’m not going to see him until the ceremony on the day of. But mostly I feel like a non traditional bride.

Post # 24
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@lifegirl:  my flower girls (and future step daughters) are wearing wings too! I’m actually calling them ‘fairy attendants’ instead of flower girls on the programs ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 25
Member
9123 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

We waited until 12 years into our relationship to get engaged… we got together super young but were untraditional in that we spent a lot of time apart – living abroad, working farflung jobs, etc etc.  Getting married always seemed like something that “grownups” do.  So now that we are 30 and 32, we’re finally getting around to it!  The wedding itself will be kinda traditional (although not religious or etiquettey at all – just lots of fun and happiness and partying!), but the route getting there sure wasn’t  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 26
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@Weetzie:  cute:) I havent sent invites yet so not sure what to call them really…I at the moment call them my little butterfly fairies…I am having lots of little glittery butterflies here and there in teh garden and on the arch…the wings are so gorgeous it makes me want to have wings myself!! probably wont go that far though as I think my purple veil will already be off the wall enough!

Post # 27
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

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@rosegoldie:  Fi wants me to take his name. Also, oddly enough, a few of the younger members of my family are a bit scandalised by it… and this is from people I thought were very young and modern!

Post # 28
Member
291 posts
Helper bee

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@SockJunkie:  I lol’d at your bath comment. Yes I would say that is fairly untraditional! Bet you guys had fun though ๐Ÿ˜‰

 

I told SO that our kids can have his last name so that it won’t die out…even though he has three nephews so it wouldn’t be an issue. 

Post # 29
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m also keeping my last name–I have an American first name and Asian last name.  If I took his name, my entire racial identity on paper would change and that is just a whole lot to give up.  He doesn’t care, but many people have expressed disappointment.  Coupled with my non-traditional outlook, I’ve been accused of not being committed to my relationship.  It’s very silly to me.

I will be walking myself down the aisle but I’m considering having my favorite niece (she’s 10) escort me. ๐Ÿ™‚  She is so excited, and I think it’s worth it just to see her so happy!

Post # 30
Member
291 posts
Helper bee

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@TwoOneFive:  Exactly how I feel. I told him that I love my Mexican heritage. If I change my last name, then I feel like that’s a big part of me (that he has told me he loves) that I “lose.”. I know that’s a strong way to feel, but I’m being honest. 

Post # 31
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@rosegoldie:  It’s a strong way to feel because it’s a big deal!  When men have given me grief over keeping my last name, I always say “How would you feel having to give up YOUR last name?”  I love my Asian last name and even though having an American last name might make my life easier in many ways, I like that my name reflects all my identities.

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