(Closed) Non-Traditional Girls Support Group

posted 8 years ago in Traditions
Post # 47
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

  • I never felt the need to get married, so living together five years before getting engaged was a non-issue for me!

  • Dear Fiance proposed and then we went ring shopping together. He’s smart enough to know I’m tough to shop for. Wink I chose an amethyst and rose gold ring.

  • I will not be changing my name.
  • We are not having a wedding party. Being a bridesmaid/groomsmen sucks, I don’t want to do that to people I care about!
  • We will most likely sleep in the same bed the night before, and we’ll probably do it.

I wanted a simple no-frills wedding a then rent out our favorite restaurant for a cocktail party reception, but my Dad and stepmom very generously offered to pay for pretty much everything, so I decided that sitting back and not doing most of the wedding planning was a better deal! So far, my stepmom has been excellent and asks my opinion before doing anything, so I’m grateful that I am able to pass on the work to someone who has the time and desire to put together a wedding.

We are 31 and 34, so I think that being “older” means all these little wedding details just aren’t that big of a deal to us. At this time of my life, I’m probably more obsessed with my retirement account than table linens! All I know is, we’re going to say some nice words in front of our friends and family, we’re going to have a good meal, and I’m going to drink too much. All the rest is just details!


Post # 48
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@rosegoldie:  I’m pretty sure we could be twins!  

1)Wanted to elope/play hooky from work and get married at the courthouse.  FI wanted a big wedding.  He agreed today when I made him make a to-do list that I was right ๐Ÿ™‚

2)I also want 2 bands to go with my engagement ring.  We went looking yesterday, but will make a decision on this spring.  Hey–a girl’s gotta have options!

3)I will be wearing a knee length dress.  It’s a party after all!

4) We’re serving BBQ and craft beer–and NO seating chart–you would have thought we’d been the first people to ever have a casual wedding by his family’s reaction.

5)No garter/bouquet toss/standard issue corny traditions

6)I do NOT want a bridal shower/party/etc, which is making all the women in my circle think that I’m absolutely crazy. They just don’t understand that I’m serious and want no part of one and want to do one “to be nice”.  How is it nice if I don’t want one?  His mom even went ahead and scheduled one without asking.  Thankfully I was able to convince my mom that I was mad enough about that to not try anything similiar ๐Ÿ™‚


But seriously–when did people get to judgey when it comes to weddings?  it should be what you and your partner to do what is right for you.  It’s your lives, and as long as you’re not hurting anyone, who cares?

Post # 49
495 posts
Helper bee

We are straight folks getting married legally and with a religious official at the helm. That makes us super-traditional by our circle’s standards …


But by standard standards:

1. We decided it was time to get married soon when we saw a booth at a Christmas art fair with rings we liked. My mom gave us her diamond (divorcee diamond = bad luck? I don’t know or care) and we got the guy to make it, but we told people we were getting married that day.

2. We picked our wedding date by having my fiance’s spiritual teacher (Buddhist priest) over for dinner and asking him what worked for him. Oh, yeah, and the ceremony is going to be very modern, Western but also Soto Zen Buddhist.

3. Our friends offered to host a backyard party for us, so I guess we’re having a party!

4. Catering = falafel from a cheap Middle Eastern restaurant down the street. Probably a grocery store cake if I decide I don’t have time to make it.

5. Fiance helped me pick out my dress from Zappos online. I helped him pick out his suit; he will probably be wearing a kesa (bib style, not full robes) over it.

6. I’ll have a reception dress, but only because I could get two dresses for under $200 total and the second is one I’ll rewear with jeans or leggings.

7. No wedding party.

8. We’ll walk down the aisle together.

9. No official “dances” or bouquet toss or garter BS.

10. Father of the bride isn’t invited.

11. Dried flowers, and boutonnieres for all immediate family members.

12. Two-part reception — family dinner after the ceremony, then big party a few hours later.

13. We asked people to donate to a radical leftist charity in lieu of gifts … and registered at Target.

14. No honeymoon. (Probably. No money!)

Post # 52
291 posts
Helper bee

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@rbabynorton:  OMG I AM DYING! That is GORGEOUS!!! We must have similar taste because I was just looking at something like that this morning. 




Actually I love nearly everything that are on the eternity band pages. I am excited for you!!!


Our three rings are from A. Jaffe


My engagement ring http://www.benbridge.com/shop/product.php?productid=999000964&cat=6&page=1


My wedding bands (will be in rose gold) http://www.benbridge.com/shop/product.php?productid=999000976&cat=6&page=1


Post # 53
291 posts
Helper bee

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Totally right, we are twins!!!!

I agree on all six points. I emailed my SO some options yesterday. What do you think about this?

Get married at the courthouse. Hire a very talented friend of mine to take photos of us there, get a few pics with our fam and then go off by ourselves for a little bit and walk around our city to get some photos in our favorite spots. During our photos, our families go off to have drinks somewhere (I think it would be weird for them to stare at us while we get our pics taken). After that, go to a private dinner with our parents, siblings, and nephews. Call it good and we take off for our honeymoon the next day!


Get married at the courthouse, get pics, go to a nice dinner, and get hotel rooms for the night. Then, the next day, have a private event at an upscale-ish bar for everyone (close family and friends). Then give people the option to get a room at our hotel and then go out and celebrate for real with a night on the town, lol.

Post # 54
3173 posts
Sugar bee

Love this thread! Here’s us:

-Ruby engagement ring

-No wedding party! I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man 6-7 times and I didn’t want to inflict that on someone else.

-My parents will not be there because they oppose the wedding as we are not doing anything in the “traditional” to my culture way (no bride price). My mother is a drama queen so this is for the best. I didn’t want my father to walk me down the aisle anyway so no awkward, “Thanks but no thanks” moment there.

-My Future Mother-In-Law has planned 90% of the wedding. My future in laws are also paying for a large portion of it too.

-The entire thing will be at my FI’s parents’ house.

-Family only ceremony and reception.

-I will not be walking down the aisle. I am instead walking down the stairs and meeting Fiance at the front porch where we will be getting married. Our families will be standing on the lawn – we will have a cliffnotes ceremony anyway so hopefully it’ll be done in abou 5 minutes.

-I will be wearing the poofy white dress but no veil, no train, no tiara, and my hair will be down.

-We are taking the majority of our pictures together before the ceremony so we can spend time with our families during cocktail hour – no “First Look” though. First Looks are great but they’re not us.

-I plan on eating a ton! It’s my wedding after all! I want to take my slip off during the reception so I can be more comfortable but we’ll see.

-My dog will be at the reception.

-No dancing.

-No couple’s cake cutting!!! I actually had a dream about Fiance tricking me into cake cutting and I threw a fit right there in front of the cake. In the dream, he ended up cutting the cake himself. This would be reality if someone tried to force me to cut the cake and feed him.

That’s all I can think of for now. We are having a blessing before dinner because although neither Fiance nor I are religious, certain members of his family are (two of them are in seminary school).

EDIT: No unity anything, very short engagement (5 months), and I also went dress shopping with Fiance. I just moved away from my sisters and one of my friends was supposed to go with me but of course, she completely flakes out at the last moment so Fiance went instead. His mom wasn’t too happy about that but we live together anyway so he has seen me in the dress a few times now.

Post # 55
8434 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wow, I’m so glad I found this thread. 

1. non diamond e-ring (for multiple reasons), I love my moissy (and hate the diamond industry)

2. friend walking me down the aisle

3. no first dance

4. bouquet toss involving everyone (we’re giving away a prize with it), no garter toss

5. baking my own sweet n salty buffet and favors (caramel chex mix, cake pops, cheese straws, etc)

6. no wedding band, e-ring only

7. my dress, cake, food, and shoes are pretty much the only things I didn’t DIY

8. gamer boutonnieres and jewelry

9. ceremony blessing by the prophet Jerematic (futurama)

10. walking down the aisle to pizzicato 5 and fry’s holophoner symphony (also futurama)


Post # 56
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@FutureMrsLAL:  my Fiance and I went dress shopping together as well. The lady at the bridal shop thought he was so cute and awesome for being there for me but at first they were like really? Are you sure? I could have never picked a dress without seeing his reaction first. After all this day is for both of us. 

Post # 57
495 posts
Helper bee

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@lightmist:  Ha, I am loving all the responses from people whose fiances shopped for dresses with them. I figure, the most important thing for me is that both he and I think I look awesome in my dress, so why not?


He is so proud of “picking” my ceremony dress, it’s ridiculous. And the short reception dress? He was the one who encouraged me to keep it when I found the second dress because it was so cute and so rewearable. “You could even wear it with your skinny jeans under it.”


(That is: Hooray for encouraging, progressive partners!)

Post # 58
3551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Fiance and Iare not being very traditional, so far the response we’ve gotten is ‘that sounds like the best wedding ever’. 

-He didn’t propose, we came to a mutual decision so no story. We do have a good one about picking up the ring though, it involves multiple car breakdowns.

-no diamonds, gold, or platinum I’ve got a solitaire green sapphire

-We’re having a late morning ceremony, no cocktail hour, and a brunch buffet, my dad wants to kick everyone out by 3 so we have time to clean up ๐Ÿ˜›

-Taking pictures before the ceremony.

-Having a non-religous ceremony.

-There will be no dancing, we’ll be providing lawn and table games for our entertainment instead.

-No DJ, so no grand intro or anything like that.

-I’m having a gentleman of honor and probably a bridesman.

-FI is having a groomswoman and a best man

-No veil, tiara, or train. If the dress I pick does have a train I will have it altered off because this is an outdoor thing and I’m not dragging my dress through the grass.

-I’m not sure this is ‘traditional’ per say, but I will absolutely not be wearing heels.

I think our wedding is going to be very us. I’m going to grow the centerpieces, and Fiance is going to make the caketopper out of figurines from a game that he plays.

Post # 59
291 posts
Helper bee

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@MRSsrm85:  My sister will have two Labs running around at her wedding. Love the pups!

Post # 60
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1999

I’m a little non-T in most peoples eyes but in the culture of my area quite more so.

*We got engaged after 11.5 years together.

* I’m having 3 bridesmen as well as 3 bridesmaids.

*We’re going for a Sunday ceremony

* We are having songs (like hymns) at the ceremony but will be singing songs we love – one pick at the mo is ‘Bring me Sunshine’ and then something by The Beatles.

* We are having non-traditional invites.

* Table decs will be ‘the morning after shabby chiq’ look – so messy tables with lots of junk and bits and bobs with NO real flowers to speak of. Tables will involve wrestling figures and lego men coming out of jam jars and vases, and maybe a few stuffed animals and skulls (if he’ll let me! :P)

*Lots of DIY (I’ve made practically everythign apart from dresses).


I have a traditional dress – but would have not done so if I could have afforded the 3K for the petrol blue corsetted ball gown dress I lusted after for the last 6 years!

Post # 61
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We’re kind of a traditional couple, but circumstances conspired and we are doing things on a small scale:

– church wedding which anyone who wants can attend

– cake at the church

– a few photographs

– wave everyone goodbye

And, hopefully, disappear off to a posh hotel and eat dinner in my wedding dress!

Monday morning – report back at hospital for new husband’s next chemo treatment. ๐Ÿ™‚

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