Post # 1
hi lovely brides and asalaam alaykum
I am a convert. My fiancé and I will be having a westernized wedding. I don’t plan on having a Nikah. My question is did you have a non traditional wedding. Did you write your vows? Who did you have officiate your wedding? I would like to have our officiate include our faith but I have only been to my aunt’s nikah and it was very traditional. I plan on speaking with one of the sisters at my mosque who helps new converts but was also wanting some others experiences.
I recently took shahada and I am still learning the Quran and it’s applications to my life. I have seen some online suggestions of what brides may say, such as: Bride: “I, ______, offer you myself in marriage and in accordance with the instructions of the Holy Koran and the Holy Prophet, peace and blessing be upon him. I pledge, in honesty and with sincerity, to be for you an obedient and faithful wife.”
Groom: “I pledge, in honesty and sincerity, to be for you a faithful and helpful husband“
Post # 2
Brides don’t say anything at the wedding. Any stipulations they need to include can be included in the marriage contract that is signed by both parties. But I guess you’re doing a western wedding you can say whatever you want. If you want it to sound like the ijab and qabul you can state i accept the mahar of $XXXX in marriage responding to his proposal of marriage. Saying that you’re going to be an obedient wife is cringey though, even for a Muslim like me. I would never say that in my wedding vows. Don’t make promises you can’t guarantee.
Post # 3
Asha1002 : malayna : I also cringe when I hear ‘obedient’ Please don’t vow this,
You’re not a dog who needs to follow instructions. You’re a woman who deserves respect & to make her own choices throughout your entire marriage.
Post # 4
I’m not going to use it as my vows. Don’t worry. It’s just one of the only vows I could find. I think we are just going to write our own.
Post # 5
Also your original pledge states that you are accepting marriage in accordance with instructions of the Quran and prophet, but you are doing a western ceremony with vows, that are not in accordance with the marriage instructions in the Quran. The marriage in the Quran requires a mahr (obligatory bridal money paid to the bride from the groom) as stated in Surah An Nisa. I don’t suggest you use make any references to the Holy Quran or the prophet in your vows.