Post # 1
My Fiance is from an area where the name change with marriages is different from what I’m used to as an American. There, the bride takes the husband’s first name to be her surname. So, if I’m Amanda Johnson and he is Ravinder Anish, my name becomes Amanda Ravinder. Our kids would also have Ravinder for their last name.
This was sort of a blessing at first because I don’t really like his last name and his first name sounds really cute with my name. But the more I think about it, I get a little sad about how he won’t have the same last name as the rest of our family if we have kids. I can’t really take his last name because that would be like advertising to his family that I’m marrying his DAD since that is his dad’s first name. Plus I really don’t like it.
I am not at all attached to my maiden name because I don’t really have contact with any of my father’s family so I am definitely changing my name to something. I also found out that since I’m not doing a traditional name change, I probably won’t be able to do it the easy way with just the marriage certificate and will have to go through a legal name change procedure instead.
I am trying to talk him into us both changing our last names to something new that we both like. He doesn’t have a middle name at all so he could use his current last name as his middle name, too. The problem is that there isn’t really anything that is meaningful to us. We have some time to decide because we’re in the middle of buying a house right now too and everyone has told me not to change my name until after we close (around the start of June).
Do you think we should work on coming up with a name we both like? Or should I just continue in the tradition of his culture and take his first name since there are a lot of families who don’t all have the same last name and it’s not really THAT big of a deal?
Post # 3
if it’s the “having the same last name” thing, most wives in Asia do NOT take their husbands’ names and keep their maiden and seeing that Asia’s population is the highest, I’d say most people in this world don’t take their husbands’ names 😉
in the end, it’s really up to what you want. if you don’t like it, then don’t do it.
Post # 4
Have you applied for your wedding license yet? When I did apply, if I remember correctly, there were options for “non-traditional” names as well. There was even space for the groom’s name change!
Post # 5
Would his family feel offended if you don’t take his first name as your last name?
I like that name-it’s very flowy.. Amanda Ravinder. If you do decide to change your last name, definitely ask your FI’s opinon & make sure it’s something you both definitely can settle with- because it will stay with you for the rest of your lives.
Post # 6
lol, my parents’ last names are exactly like that.
Except me and my siblings have our dad’s last name and my mom has a completely different last name. It was difficult explaining to Canadians that my parents were in fact not divorced or something haha.
Thankfully, I’m marrying a Canadian and taking his last name, not his first.
Would they care if you took his actual last name instead of his first name?
Post # 7
We do have our marriage license but in our state there isn’t a place to mark how you’re intending to change your names. 🙁
His family seems to be pretty offended in general about how we’re doing everything (we aren’t having 4 days of wedding festivities with a ceremony at 6am like they want!) so I think the name thing doesn’t really matter that much overall.
I was considering taking his last name but it’s really pretty awful and he told me he’d feel weird about it. I think he is on board with changing both of ours if we can come up with one that works.
Would it be weird to change it a few months down the road if we don’t come up with something right away?
Post # 8
@andiecandy: Not at all weird to change it down the road! I know multiple people who’ve changed their names only once they were having children. The one where I know the story, they looked at old family names from people they didn’t even know and picked a family name from several generations back to be their new last name.
Post # 9
@andiecandy: Based on everything you’ve written, I think you will have the best of all worlds if you follow the tradition of your husband’s culture and take his first name. After all, not only will you and your potential future children all have the same last name, ALL of you will SHARE your DH’s first name, just in a different position. At least this way, all of you will have one name in common. 🙂
Post # 10
- Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo
How the name change works depends on the state you live in. We are both changing our names to a 3rd unrelated option. We didn’t think it was fair for just one of us to go through all the paperwork and hassle, and we wanted the same last name, so here we are. It requires the legal name change route (in Maryland, file something at the courthouse, publish in the newspaper, judge issues an order changing your name, takes forever.) I would definitely not do it until you close on your house. That’s complicated enough as it is. (As a side note, we were living together before we bought the house, but it’s in just my name because we weren’t married and -ahem- my parents helped us with the down payment. I found out after we will have to pay closing costs again to add him to the mortgage and deed, go through all the financial paperwork, etc. Just a warning.)
just like @akirasan: my mom didn’t change her name when my parents got married. My sister and I have my dad’s last name and our mom’s last name is our middle name that neither of us use. HIs parents subsequently got divorced, and he’s a lot closer to his mom and stepdad, but has his dad’s last name. We decided it made more sense to just pick an all new one, for us, in our new family.